My boyfriend has had a promiscuous past, cheated on other gfs, and lied to me. He says he is maturing and realises his errors, but can I trust him?

We have been together for over a year. It was surreal at the start, we were incredible. Then i discovered things about him, both things he admitted to me and things i found for myself. He lied to me many times, or tried to downplay situations. He has had a promiscuous past, and been honest about that, but has been in contact with ex gas and ex f-buddies behind my back (says they're friends), previously cheated with married women, suggested to women he would "fk the *hit out of them" if he was single, and has sought attention and flirted. When i discovered the flirting and suggestions, i confronted him, we broke up, and somehow in his head he said he thought it was harmless bc he wouldn't have followed through. He was beside himself and cried and admitted he was a weak, insecure boy who needed to snap out of it. He also gets hit on quite a bit, and although i wish he would just tell the women to get lost i know he relishes the attention and probably lets them down "gently".

My head tells me to break up with him for good, mainly because i think a man like that has no moral compass and will cheat on me if not now then definitely in the future one day. He says he has changed and is maturing and realising what is important to him and wants to be with me and marry me and have a family. My psychologist thinks he is a borderline narcissist and men like that usually cheat on their wives after the first baby and generally deep down won't change, they just try and hide it.

He has always been attentive, never left me hanging on messages or returning phone calls, and has always talked fondly of a future together, so his behaviour always confused me and left me both loving him to bits whilst also regretting the moment i met him.

So my question is - is he just trying to be or seem like the kind of man he thinks he should be? Can men who have a colourful history, or are super sexual and have blurred boundaries in the past ever REALLY change?

Updates:
He is 29

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I to have been in a similar situation, Guys at times have a hard time maturing, and slowley at that. There will come a time when he will settle down and leave is ways behind them, but you have to ask yourself one good question... Is it worth it? Once trust is broken its near impossible to regain. You will always question and always be worried, do you want that for either one of yourself. Its also a question of respect, if he truly loved you and respected you and the relashionship he would not of condsidred doing the things he did. Yes he continues to be nice and say the right things, but its more about making himslef feel better about the situation, and not for you. You also have to ask yourself, why him, and why are you putting yourself through this? Is he the only option... No, there are so many other men out there in the world who not ever do this, and form the sounds of it you know deep down in your heart what to do, the hard part is following through, trust me you will find out that in the end finding someone who treats you right is way better than feeling stressed out or paranoid all the time.

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    • Thanks for taking the time to respond. You make a couple very good observations that i didn't think about - him saying things to make himself feel better, and is he the only option. Wow.

What Guys Said 3

  • Hmmm... well i would exercise caution. I do generally believe once a cheater always a cheater. Plus he has already lied to you. Not good signs. The first bit of evidence he has returned to his old ways I would cut him loose.

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    • Thats what i've said to myself. the thing that scares me is marrying him and him regressing.

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    • The old head vs heart. I don't want to admit it to myself no, i don't trust him 100%. Thanks for your opinion, wise beyond your years.

    • Thanks. I have never actually had a relationship so what the hell do i know... but I am a keen observer.

  • the past is the past! how dare you judge a man based on his sexual history!

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  • How old is he?

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    • 29, I'm actually 33, i can't seem to change my profile age!

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    • Don't trust him. Doesn't matter what it is only that it is and it's not going anywhere any year soon.

    • Giving it to me straight :) Thanks D

What Girls Said 2

  • I don't think people change /: Be very careful.

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  • once a cheater always a cheater... just take this into consideration

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