Girls, would you give a recovering alcoholic a chance to prove himself or pass on him?

I've gone through some tough sh*t recently with a girl and the college culture finally swallowed me in and I have been drinking heavily everyday for the past 5 months. I've slept around as well and regret it. I'm an alcoholic and I haven't gone to AA meetings or anything but being home for a week helped me. I've been sober for 8 days and now that I'm away from campus and with good people I'm comfortable. I don't know what I will do when I go back to school after summer and I need something to keep me from the bar scene. I want to find a good girl to settle me down and I want to know if you would trust a guy with my recent past.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would be skeptical, but my cousin partied like you and it was a good girl that came along and helped him dial it back a bit. Just make sure you don't fall back i into bad habits.

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What Girls Said 16

  • Don't rely on a girl to settle you down, because then if something goes wrong with you and her then you end up in the same spot.

    I'd take some time to sort the issue first. You'll probably find that your self esteem is rather low. Which makes it very difficult to decipher which girls are genuine and which are... uh... crazy. You don't want to be caught in that loop.

    Hang out with some friends. They are the ones you need right now. Tell them that you're cutting down on the drinking and that you'd appreciate if you guys could do some things not or only minorly alcohol related.

    If you do want to find a girl, then I suggest maybe confiding in a female friend and then asking for her company one night? Then see how it goes? Honestly though, I think you need to sort your problems before getting a girl romantically involved. Good luck.

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  • Girls, would you give a recovering alcoholic a chance to prove himself or pass on him

    I'd pass on him.

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  • It's risky for me. I've been really hurt by an alcoholic. If I knew that he was attending meetings and he's been sober for a while, I would consider it.

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    • Well I'm not attending meetings I'm fine at home in my little farm town but when in back on campus I'll have the same friends and city life that had gotten me into trouble. I need stability and a girl to keep me from the bar and clubs would be perfect. I'm an open book and admit to everyone my mistakes because i don't want others to make the same ones.

    • No. You know why? Cuz' it doesn't work like that. The only way an addiction can be overcome is if YOU want and have the will to overcome it. Nobody can do that for you. It's too risky.

    • I may be able to overcome it I don't know I need to be put in that spot to know.

  • I'd pass. I've dated guys who drank too much in the past. I have no tolerance for that sort of behavior now.

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  • YES!!! = I WOULD give him a chance.

    Me
    =
    *ex alcoholic (now three plus years sober)
    *ex substance abuser (now one plus year straight with ONE regrettable relapse )

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    • Congrats glad to hear did you attend meeting and receive counseling.

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    • OK cause I've been told by a lot of girls that i'm very attractive but am a dbag or a drunk and it bothers me. I'm very open and say why I was drinking and its like I make a lot of mistakes and I'm paying for it now.

    • Feel free to PM me if you want to chat :)

  • I would give a guy like you a chance but I think you need to focus on yourself for a while to make sure you don't go back to what you were, don't make finding a girl a priority yet.

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    • Well I'm trying to stay sober and keep to myself all summer.

  • Oh wow well contrats on the sbriety you know we all got our crosses to bear im sûre you will fond someone. good luck go back too aa!

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  • As long as he stays sober and attend the meetings. I'll support and will stick by him all the way.

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    • Well I don't know if meeting are needed as long as I'm home and away from the culture but when I'm back in it I'll need someone to keep me from going to far.

    • You could make her your insensitive to quit or stay away if that helps.

  • Probably pass on him

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  • hell no drunks and junkies never stop

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  • Anyone can change so yes, I would trust you. The most important thing is distract yourself and avoid triggers. By now you should fully understand what triggers you to drink. Create new routines, hobbies, and distractions. It sounds like you have only been drinking for a short while so that is on your side as well. Best of luck to you!

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  • Give a chance but if he screws up then it's all over, tbh. good for you for getting sober. Keep it up

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  • Personally, I would not give a man in your position a chance. You aren't seeking help. You've only been sober for 8 days. You would end up hurting me.

    As a recovering addict in college, I'd say you need to seek more help. I hear what you're saying. It just seems like you are trying to find a replacement for drinking. You will become dependant on this person. They can become your new addiction

    So, think of it this way, you want someone but what about them? That's using them to keep you from drinking.

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  • I don't know. Alcoholism is a touchy subject because my father is one. If I got to know you and I really liked you enough to give you a shot, then maybe.

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  • You've only been sober eight days and you're looking for a good girl to keep you on track? You're not ready to be dating yet. I would find a guy like that too high risk. It's been a week, your past isn't that too far away. I kinda wouldn't trust that you'd stay on the right path. I really think you should hold off on dating right now. It isn't a girls responsibility to be your sober living sponsor you have to tackle that right now

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  • I don't like how dependent you are on other people, so I don't think so. You should be strong enough mantally that other people don't easily affect you as a person.

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    • Well in used to be a loner and once I was cheated on by a girl it couldn't be alone cause it would hurt. Then I used the bar as a chance to vent and talk to people with the same experience and I fell into a dangerous loop. I regret it but I feel like it was a good lesson.

    • That makes sense, but then you say that you need the girl to keep you grounded, and if she's not there, you would go back to drinking. I think this shows that you're an easily changeable person, which is bad enough for you already. But it's also bad for me because what if one day you decide that you don't want to listen to me anymore? Which means I'd be risking a lot with someone like you.

      I think you should really focus on not letting people easily affect your behavior and thoughts.

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