Trouble dating with Cystic Fibrosis?

Hi!! I'm in my early 20's and I have Cystic Fibrosis. In my group of friends I'm the only single one... Which strangely enough surprises all my female friends. I'm the shy, sensitive, romantic type and almost everyone tells me I'd make a great boyfriend. I'm not into the whole "Hook-up" stuff but no one just wants to date... Me that is. I want too hopefully fall in love someday, but I'm starting to think my CF plays a part in me being single.

It's difficult to meet people because I have to avoid Social gatherings "Clubs, Bars etc." due to my health. but if I do start talking to someone after 2/4 weeks of dating I tend to disclose my health problems to who ever I'm dating after which the following happens. Good morning and night texts turn into "I fell asleep/woke up late", dates get pushed back, They're on there phones more and in the end they say "I met someone else, but I'd really like to stay friends." or "If you want we can hook up a few times"

What up sets me is every time, I'm always the one they talk too about relationship issues or in one case having to get up at 1am to pick them up from a party which there "New boyfriend" left them at.. I'm the sensitive, caring heart that everyone opens up to and talk too.

What my friends tell me is its hard for girls to find a guy they can talk to that doesn't just wanna sleep with them, having a guy they can open up too and have a decent conversion with if difficult and that girls get suspicious sometimes when they meet a guy like me thinking I just act this way to get with them.

Now I'm getting scared to talk to anyone especially now that I'm pretty sick (Hospital right now) I want an honest opinion. Would you date someone with CF? Knowing the Complications of it? Knowing you would be the "Head of the household"?

I just wanted to say thank you, Even though I knew what the answer was going to be, I didn't really want to think about it. My biggest fear is falling in love and having something happening to me and having that person have to start over, after wasting time with me. Maybe someday there will be a cure or treatment will be good enough where I don't have to date with guilty conscience.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Dating with a chronic illness can be tough.

    It's one thing to stick by a partner who becomes ill while your'e together (and even that can be really rough on relationships). But entering a relationship with someone who has a chronic illness means signing up for the difficulties and pain right off the bat, and knowing that your partner will likely have a shortened lifepsan. It's a lot to take on.

    I'm actually a respiratory nurse, so I have a lot of patients with CF and am pretty knowledgeable about it.

    If I'm perfectly honest, I could handle dating someone who had activity limitations, I could handle being by someone's side and supporting them through all the treatments, medications, hospital stays, etc. I would be fine being with someone who had a g-tube for nutritional supplementation. I could handle the coughing and sputum. I could handle the fact that he's likely infertile. But the things that would be really scary for me would be the potential that he would need a lung transplant (for which the survival rates aren't that great) and the fact that I would probably lose him at a pretty young age (life expectancy for people with CF where I live in almost 50, which is great compared to what it once was, but it would still mean committing myself to growing old without him (assuming that our relationship became serious)).

    I feel like a bit of an ass for saying that, since I know that actually having CF and dealing with the realities of it are far, far worse for someone who actually has CF than it would be for me dating/having a relationship with someone with CF.

    All that said, while having CF makes it more difficult to date, plenty of my CF patients do have boyfriends/girlfriends. It's not hopeless.


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What Girls Said 6

  • You actually sound like an amazing guy! Not many have the guts to say no to hooking up. I truly would date you. Even with CF. I think it should be about the person and everything that goes along with it. It's hard sometimes to feel left out. But from what I read I see nothing wrong with you. Your health shouldn't change a girls' mind and if it does she's not worth your time. (I am also someone that spends a lot of time in and at the hospital with different health problems. ) Keep your head high. When you find a girl that's worth it she won't care.

  • "Would you date someone with CF? Knowing the Complications of it? Knowing you would be the "Head of the household"?"

    Honestly, I don't think I could. I went to high school with a girl who had CF, and the experience was modifying. For me, witnessing the affects of a terminal illness is too much. I'm sure you'll find a girl who is a stronger/better person than I am, though.

  • I just got out of a relationship with someone with CF actually. Didn't break up because of it, I moved to get instate tuition at the college I'm wanting to go to. But yeah it's a struggle and hardwork. But relationships are hardwork. You'll find a girl who will look past it.

  • I don't know if I could date someone with CF but only because it would break my heart when they get sick. That's pretty much the only reason.

  • I would! As some one who has struggled with chronic illness as well I get the frustration, it would be hella hard, but if you were the kind of person to put in the effort needed for a relationship (emotionally) then yeah definetly. I think a lot of people get scared that they will screw things up because they don't understand the physical challenges you go through and when they see that it might take work they shut down. I think of it as a misguided self preservation mode. Something I've done with some people is while never keeping secrets from them and always being open when asked about it, I keep up a bit of a wall that I let down over time, so when it's finally all out in the open (the entire story of how the illness effects you) they aren't shocked, but more able to deal with the small parts of the story.

  • I don't know if I would date someone with CF. Only because I know eventually they pass away and that would be extremely tough. Also the factor of getting pregnant and passing on cf to your child. I would be their friend. I hope you feel better and good luck with everything


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