Guys, I need advice please! Is he just after sex?

I met this guy through online dating. He said he's not the type that's looking for casual sex. We have so much in common that it's crazy. Our first date went by smoothly and we lost track of time just talking, no kissing or anything physical apart from hugging goodbye. He's told me he finds me attractive physically and funny and he also loves how smart I am so I felt like he liked my personality not just how I look. On the second date he mentioned that he's emotionally messed up from previous relationship and isn't looking for a relationship. He became more physical, holding my hand, rubbing my back and he tried to kiss me several times. I pulled away from him each time and told him that I don't like to move that quickly. Soon after we walked back to our cars but he didn't talk the whole way back and didn't even hug me goodbye. I'm so confused. If he doesn't want a relationship then why would he say he's not into casual hookups to begin with? I messaged him and told him I like him but that I'm not interested in anything casual and he hasn't responded so far but it hasn't been a day.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is also the possibility that he's still recovering from the pain experienced in his earlier relationships which has left him seeking the warmth of a woman's touch. If his pride was hurt, then he's probably too frightened to "be himself", and wait for the right moment to move in for that kiss: when it's reciprocated.

    Tell him that you need depth in your relationships, so if you're going to get physically intimate, you'd have to get emotionally intimate, first. Get him to talk about his past relationships and try to figure out what went wrong with him, and how it's affecting him. See if you can help him.

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What Guys Said 10

  • I saw this question before.
    So you're kiki_kaylee? Maybe someone else.

    Internet dating isn't exactly what you think it is.
    It's just a quicker form of sex that was invented by desperate men.

    When you get into websites like those, that attracts men that want only one or two things from you. Relationships now a days aren't as real as they were many years ago. It as come to the point where most of us only desire sex.

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  • Most of the time, you have something the guy wants. Otherwise he wouldn't even talk to you.

    Most of us guys would tweak themselves to your likings in order to get whatever they want from you. Whatever you're saying is "blah blah blah" to them.

    Online dating is just another way to speed up your sex life, and out of the life of loneliness. It's better to know the person personally rather than seeking a random someone who's desperate for pleasure.

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  • Long story short? It's not you, it's him. He's insecure and aggressive about it, and likely wants to prove he's "still got it" even though his previous SO dumped him/cheated on him/whatever happened. Oh, and he's also not over her yet. Give him time to figure himself out, help him along the way, and see if that goes over well. (I'm assuming you like him a lot from how you write).

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  • Just tell him that you are not interested in casual and you made that clear. Also ask what his intentions are. He may just be after the sex or quite possibly to use you as a rebound.

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  • Either he's too embarrassed to text you or he was just going after the booty and gave up when he couldn't get some.

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    • I messaged him after the date telling him that I do actually like him but just didn't go through with the kiss because I thought he wanted something casual and I'm not into that, he hasn't replied and it's almost been a day. Is it safe to say he was just looking to hookup? I'm just confused as to why he told me right at the start that he's not like most guys online who are looking for hookups when I asked him.

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    • What I can't understand is that he drove an hour to come see me after his work and even wanted to come pick me up. He made the date plans with me a week in advanced. From those actions it seemed like he was pretty into me..

    • some people go to great lengths to get some.

  • Because he feels rejected, emotionally messed up people need some kind of assurance from new interests that their interested u pulled away from all his advances which in his mind means your not interested in him other than friends

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  • Good job. U did the right thing 👌🏼 its too early to go in for the kill anywayz. Silly people lel

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  • This guy makes all the douchebag moves. I'd stay clear of him.

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  • He doesn't know whare he stands with you. But if he keeps on being like that then he is not a keeper

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  • Two possibilities, one he just wants to take things slow in the relationship no labels or anything. Two he wants an friends with benefits relationship. Ask him which one it is.

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    • Well I messaged him and said that I like him but thought he wanted to a fling which is not something I ever do. He never replied so it's safe to assume he was just after sex? When I pulled back from his kiss he was very cold and distant to me even though I said that I don't move that quickly..

    • He might just think yoy r not that into him, which may be why he hasn't responded.

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