Did he lose interest or is he really that clueless as to how to be in a relationship?

Shy guy spent 5-6 months talking to me, clearly liked me but never made a move until i interrogated him on his feelings towards me. He admitted he liked me, asked me out, and then i thought things would progress. It's been 2 months of us seeing each other, he introduced me as his girlfriend to some of his friends, invited me to a formal event, pays for the few dates we went on, and we generally saw each other once a week. We're both busy with school, jobs, and other things so i thought it would be ok... but the only thing i found weird was the lack of communication. He was never a texter to begin with, but even after we'd hang out i wouldn't hear from him at all unless i texted him. Now, 2 months in and it feels like we've gotten no where. If anything, it's feel more awkward since we never see or talk to each other. He cancelled on me last week as he was falling asleep since he works full time (construction, 10h days).. and that was when i wanted to talk to him about this relationship of ours.

I'm his first girlfriend, and he told me that he's the type to keep things to himself, not one to make a move, etc... and i'm told from multiple people that he's a really nice guy. I can't tell if he's just not into me anymore (confusing bc there's no contact when we aren't together, but in person he holds my hands, we kiss, he smiles at me etc) or if he is just actually clueless as to how to treat a 'girlfriend'.

What do i do? I won't be back in town for almost a week, and im 100% he isn't gonna message me at all.


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What Guys Said 1

  • You complain about him not communicating but your idea of communicating is to send a text? Why don't you just call him and actually talk on the telephone? I know it's a prehistoric idea being recommended by a guy old enough to be a dinosaur, but you might be amazed at how much can be said during an actual phone call. Hearing your voice would mean more to him than seeing your name on caller ID.

    How far have you advanced with the physical aspect of your relationship? Have you gotten any further than holding hands and a goodnight kiss? Some guys need to be led through all the steps in their first relationship and that doesn't mean he's not into you. It just means he's either clueless or shy/timid/afraid/scared of doing something that might offend you.

    As far as the communications, you need to tell him that you want to talk more often. I do understand that you had a talk planned and then he cancelled on you. Reschedule that as soon as possible. When you do talk, approach it like there's a problem that I would like for us to work on together because I'm really interested in trying to make this relationship work. Avoid anything that might be perceived as blaming him for the problem (regardless of whether you really think it's all his fault.)

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    • I feel awkward calling, which is why i don't call. I don't know... we've never really progressed farther than seeing each other once a week and it was always me initiating things. I just feel like he isn't into me or perhaps he is just more shy than i thought but and i feel awkward trying to bring it up now. We haven't talked in almost a week, and half of me wants to see if he will attempt to contact me in any way but i know he probably won't... since he never really has to begin with.

      As for the physical aspect, we've only been seeing eachother for 2 months... so not much. Like the most physically would probably be making out and our shirts came off. But other than that, i felt as though things were progressing too slow to even go further than that. He usually asks before he tries anything anyways.

      I dont know when ill see him next, as im out of the city for the week :/

    • Asking before he tries anything like making out usually indicates a very shy guy. I suspect that he is really battling an awkward shyness. He has introduced you to others as his girlfriend and that is a very string indicator of his feelings. Don't give up on him unless you have lost interest. If I am right and he is just extremely shy, he will be a very loyal boyfriend when you get your relationship established. . . but getting to that point may be more of an effort than you want to make.

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