Guys, How should a girl make you feel loved again, after she unintentionally hurt your feelings?

My boyfriend is convinced that ALL humans subconciously match walking pace with people they care about.

I natrually walk fast, so unless I'm engaged in conversation with someone or am holding their hand, I can't easily match pace. It becomes more of a concious effort. Not to mention, I'm easily distracted by my surroundings.

My boyfriend recently had shoulder surgery making him walk quite a bit slower, and due to his sling I can't really hold his hand. So when we went out on a coupld of walks together, I'd walk too fast... catch myself and wait for him to catch up.

He was inceradibly insulted/hurt and assumed I don't care about him. To top it off, I didn't show enough excitement or genuine interest in our weekend plans to get away, so he also assumed I don't care about that either.

Regardless of how increadibly silly I find this to be, I still hurt his feelings and am looking for a way to make it up to him.

*** Extra detail: as an introvert, I don't display my emotions like most people do and my dody language doesn't always reflect my true heart. I know I can't expect him to decode my inner most feelings, but I certainly want him to trust how much I love him even when my body language doesn't cooperate. My insides are jumping up and down clapping and my heart is over the moon with him... but my outsides don't show it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Why are his feelings or sensibilities incredibly silly? That's incredibly insensitive and condescending. Yet you want him to understand YOU, and to read your hidden emotions somehow? This sounds like a bit of a double standard. Just because he is different than you, with different needs/desires, does not make them any less valid than yours. You're going to need to learn how to compromise, and perhaps learn to open up your inner world to him, even if it is hard. And you being so consumed with your walking pace, rather than being present and attentive to your companion IS offensive (whether you see it, agree, or not). It shows total disregard and indifference. After all, if he had been like you, and not said how he was feeling, you likely would have kept right on walking away from him, rudely leaving him to play catch up. This is a perfect example of a double standard. Right? Think about it.

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    • Perhaps you missed the segment where I said "REGARDLESS of how silly I find this to be, I STILL HURT HIS FEELINGS." That's called taking ownership of my behavior. I'm acknowledging that even though I find it silly that someone would be made over something as little as walking too fast, I still hurt him and I value his feelings enough to want to right my wrong. I never said his feelings were less valid, and obviously I'm trying to find ways to compromise due to the way I naturally am. (i. e... fast walker, introvert) and knowing he's not a mind reader. And being distracted by my surrounding isn't the same thing as being consumed with my walking pace; it's called ADD. You sound like a bitter divorcee, who had a wife who probably treated you horribly, and you're projecting your experiences with her onto me.

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    • I find it rather fascinating that you don't think I'm taking ownership of my behavior, when I clearly came on here and admitted fault and asked for help on how I can make it right. Instead, you are berating me as if I'm not owning my fault and disregarding his feelings. He doesn't easily take offense with me, he's only taking offense with me about a couple of recent issues which is why I found it "silly" that he would be upset at small things, but has never been easily upset in the past about even big things. There are extra details about how I'm already working on being more conscious of making my body language match my emotions, but those are outside the scope of this particular question. I posted to try and find a way to make my man feel loved; not to have people point out that what I did was insensitive; especially when I already acknowledged that. You didn't stick to my question. You'd make a terrible therapist Lol ;)

    • I'm sorry you feel that way, or were perhaps offended. Perhaps I didn't address the issue as you had hoped. But what I was simply pointing out is that you should never have used the word silly in your thinking or question. But for some reason you became passive-aggressive and made personal attacks (and now insults) on a stranger for this? If you don't like the opinion just ignore it, rather than attacking people who are taking time out of their lives to help you.

What Guys Said 8

  • You need to gain strength to tell him what you tell us. Then you need to tell him to stop being a sook. You may also not realise, but you could have been looking at him a certain way that made him assume you were grumpy at him for holding you back while you were walking.
    You could have been puffed and just crossed eyes at the wrong time... Relationships should never have petty shit like this. You both need to speak up for yourselves and gain a mutual ground with where you stand in your relationship. Otherwise the battles like this could continue, or even get worse.

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    • We did have a good chat about it, and I can understand he felt hurt like I was "ditching" him by walking too fast. At any rate, he said he would try to work harder about not pouting and being passive aggressive and I told him I'd pay more attention to being considerate of my actions. You're right; relationships shouldn't have petty shit like that.

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    • But I do kinda think running ahead and standing (at the finish line) there waiting is something my older brother would do. Its kind of rude and can be insulting. When I run with my girl I go at her pace no matter what, its called companionship. It feels good when you deliver and receive it.

    • Yes, everything is resolved. I also wasn't way ahead of him; maybe 3 steps at the most. I can definitely understand why he would be upset if I was a block ahead, but the fact that I was just a bit ahead made me confused as to why it bothered him so much. Oh well, at least we are adult enough to figure things out in the end.

  • While it's true that pacing is a thing, walking speed is only one of its expressions. You could mirror him in other things.
    I find it kind of weird that he puts such a high emphasis on walking speed, though if you're walking together with someone it is kind of rude to just go off on your own.
    Anyway, do something nice for him that proves your feelings to him or something.

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  • If you really wanna put up with something so trivial, just hold his other hand next time, or walk slower. Its not that hard, but he still shouldn't have reacted that way.

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  • Try telling him and letting him know you do in fact care about him and that your walking pace has nothing to do with how you feel about him. Where did he get that idea from anyway?

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    • I think he read some article about it. Who knows. Certainly not ALL people behave the exact same way around those they love and care about... especially something like walking pace. I did a google search and it's apparently a credible claim that people tend to match pace with those they love... but that doesn't mean if you don't match pace, you must not care about them Lol.

    • Well I walk quite fast, but it takes a long time for me to trust a person. Let me discredit that fact for you real quick :)

  • I personally think he needs to have a thicker skin he is a guy after all.

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    • Don't say that bro, you will hurt some dudes feelings lol. (fml)

  • a good heart to heart

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  • Ehh, just reassure him that you love him with all your heart and you're used to walking fast. Plan another weekend getaway.

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  • you dont seem a very bad person. be honest.

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