Guys, I've accidentally scared him off. Do you think he can change his opinion of me?

I had 5 good dates with a guy. We were got on well though he became distant between dates. I freaked out and ended it, and used a flippant remark that "I wanted amazing" and knowing that he was not long out a long term relationship, he couldn't give me that At the time. I regretted it! 2 weeks later he got back in touch, I was SO happy. But then he never arranged another date. I then got back in touch with him and this time we met up. That date went great, and it was like we continued from before. In hindsight some comments from both of us seemed like this would lead somewhere now. We made plans that evening to meet the following weekend. later he freaked out and text saying he genuinely enjoys spending time with me but deep down knows he still can't give me what I want (It was pretty obvious we would be having sex that night so I think he was worried that if we met and had sex, I would instantly presume we were in a relationship). I responded saying I'm sorry the way I worded things wrongly before and it came across like I wanted an instant serious relationship, I dont etc I like him and I want to continue spending time with him with no pressure. I then said I wouldn't take no for an answer and basically forced him to meet! We had an amazing night, the first that I've felt so relaxed with no pressure on either of us and no serious chats at all. We did have sex and it was great. I made sure I left early the next day and didn't ask when I'd next see him So as to not place pressure. Since then I've had one text from him saying he had a fun night. he's not approached meeting again, its only been a few days though. I understand its my fault that he presumes I'm expecting a serious relationship and its gave him the commitment fear. Once a guy convinces himself of that, can his mind be changed? I'm aware I can't bring up anymore serious chats but am scared I've already ruined it, which is a shame as we got on so well! Im purposely backing off and not contacting him. Ta!

Updates:
Thanks for the responses, really appreciated! I guess all I can do now is really back off and see if he is up for seeing me again. oh the irony that my freak out has caused him to freak out! I wish I could explain it better to him but obviously know I can't bring up any further serious chats. Hopefully he texts to arrange another catch up. On a related question.. if this happened with you, and the girl gave you a night to remember... would that help you go back, or would you still be scared? ;)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think the night to remember was the heat of the moment, but in the cold light of day he had time to process everything that happened before and is still freaked out.

    If I was him, I'd be afraid to commit - not because of commitment, but because your head seems to all over the place. Opening his heart to that vulnerability a second time, only for you to have another freak out and hurt him again? I'd be trepidatious to say the least.

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    • I think that's the main problem - he'll be waiting for me to snap and freak out again or demand more from him. The night to remember was the last night we met - after his freak out when I pretty much made him meet me haha so I could ensure I could prove to him we can have a fun, relaxed night with no serious chat. So at least his last memory of me is a sexy one ;-)

What Guys Said 5

  • Yes he can have his mind put at ease that he isn't being pressured to commit. Just continue to get to know each other without bringing up the topic of the future or asking in depth personal questions. In time maybe he perspectives will change based on how you approach this

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  • You're both all over the place. That text about you wanting amazing probably really got to him and then you became really aggressive about dating. He's probably confused as hell about it.

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  • he needs some time... for howlong do u know each other?

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    • We dated for about a month and a half. Then the break was about two months. He's actively dating others so I'm worried he'll not come back to me now as his mind is made up that I'm going to put pressure on him. And he'll just think other girls will be more laid back.

  • I wpuldn't think the relationship would go anywhere given that youn broke it off and had some sharp words. I wouldnn't trust that a long term relationship could work. I would guess that at some point down the road you would do it again.

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    • Yeah, I understand. That's my worry - he's obviously already worried he still can't give me what I want so I guess he's expecting me to do the same again. Aaargh. Wish I could take it all back!!! Thanks.

  • anyone can change their mind

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