Dating an older man with kids, advice?

I've been talking to this guy for about 3-4 months and we've started spending a lot of time together the past 2 or so months. We know what we want and are really attractive and interested in each other. We've considered making our relationship exclusive. I just have one thing, he has 4 children ranged from 15 to 5. He got snipped before his divorce and can't have kids. He never said he didn't want more, just that he can't have more.. which nothing says I don't want kids quite like a vasectomy. Anyways, I think maybe one day I might want children, or at least one. I'm not 100% sure but not even having that option bothers me. He's 34 and I'm 22. Any advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Make sure it's actually what you want. Do you know for sure whether or not he's willing to have kids with you via reversing his vasectomy or other means like surrogacy? For me and my SO, we don't really plan on having kids in the future, but in time that may change. As long as he is willing to compromise for you, then I say yeah make your relationship exclusive. Having said that, if a part of you thinks that he's not willing to have any more kids, then you're simply sacrificing that much more for him. I hope you really consider your options here and I do hope that you do make the right choice with him.

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    • We haven't discussed it. He just stated he'd been snipped from the get go, and later he'd asked if I seen myself settling down, if I wanted to get married and have kids. I told him yeah, not now, but one day I'd like to get married and have some kids. But that's all we've mentioned. I think we need to talk a little more on that, right?

    • Yeah you guys definitely need to have a serious conversation about it; let him know exactly what you want in the relationship and hopefully he's able to meet with you half way. I do hope everything does works out between the two of you

What Guys Said 8

  • I think it boils down to one question do you want your own children? ... How you answer this will be your answer to the question posted?

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    • That's what I was saying, I think one day I will want my own child. I'm not 100% on that but I don't even have that option

  • Well, if the man has his act together. If he is respectful and stable. If you are attracted to him... it sounds like a damned good deal.

    His age alone will make him more responsible and loving.

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    • Oh he is wonderful. I've never met such a caring man. Who has a fantastic mind, along with being good looking.

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    • That came out wrong. I guess I was trying to explain that it wasn't always a question of physical things.

    • Physical isn't really ever been a big deal to me, granted physical intimacy, I like to match, but looks aren't that big of a deal, I've always admired people with brains. Who can challenge you intellectually.

  • You are playing Russian roulette with your future

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  • Yeah bad baggage just leave

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  • if he doesn't care about age difference... :)

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    • Age isn't the issue, me possibly wanting kids and him being snipped is an issue.

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    • Yes, I'd say that if you are not to the point that you can easily ask the question, you probably shouldn't. I had that procedure done, by the way. It worked well. Was quite easy once I got used to the VERY LARGE needle they used...

    • That sounds terrible

  • As a single Dad with 2 kids, I can relate.

    My advice, take things slow. Get to know his kids. You may find you love them and they love you back like they are your own. Especially the little one.
    If your desire to have your own is more than you can handle, then it's time to look at options.
    You're only 22. Relax

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    • He's gone a lot working so his live with their mom and step dad. I don't plan on kids now. But I'm scared to get into a relationship and possibly fall for someone whom were on different pages in that category.

  • Don't expect anything more

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  • why waste the time

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What Girls Said 4

  • 4 kids?

    -runs for the boarders-

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    • One from a girlfriend in high school, his other 3 are from his previous marriage. I love children, and that isn't an issue. Wanting to one day have my own is.

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    • I think you have to think about what it is that you truly want. If your desire to have biological kids is stronger than your desire for him, he may not be the one.

      (I know his kids aren't the issue I'm just offering my all around view)

    • They do have mothers and step fathers. He is a pipeliner so he's gone often and he sees them when he's home. Being willing to help them in anyway that I can, I'd be more than happy to, if that day came. But for now I told him I do not want to meet them until we are 100 percent and we've giving ourselves time to see if it will lead to something serious. I feel it's unfair to children to get them involved in every relationship. Because the other person (like myself) and the kids get attached, just to have it taken away

  • Take it day by day.

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  • My advice: Make his kids like you.

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    • I stated I did not want to meet his kids until we were exclusive for a while, and really seen us settling down. I don't feel it's fair to have the children involved in something ypure nor 200 % on.

    • Okay, until then... show interest in his kids' lives. Other than that, there's not much difference in how to treat him compared to other men.

  • If it bothers you too much then leave him.

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