What should I do about my introverted boyfriend whom I barely see or talk to?

He asked me out almost 3 months ago and things have been pretty quiet. In the beginning, we saw each other 1-2 times a week, which was fine with me as we we're busy with school, work etc. But then once our term ended and summer started, i heard from him even less (if that's possible). He isn't the texting type, and will reply when i text him but never initates much. He works full time in construction so he's always tired, and I work nights on the weekends. We have opposite schedules. Even when we were talking 5-6 months prior, he was weird with his communication and I was always confused by it since it was obvious he liked me in person, but never talked to me outside from when we saw each other then, also once a week. It was always me texting him and he would get brave once in a blue moon and suggest to hang out or text me after long gaps of silences.

Now that we've been going out, I've brought it up that i would like to hear/see from him more and he just apologized and said he's bad at "it". We're each other's first relationship (he's 18, i'm 19), and essentially he was clueless as to how upset i was because i was going to end it with him when he asked me to come to his house for the first time and i met his sister. He introduces me as his girfriend to his friends, so i just find it weird that he's so quiet and can go a while without seeing me.

Is this normal? I like him, but if say we get past the 4 month mark and it' still like this... then i dont see a bright future.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Alright, mija. What you have hear is a shy man. He sounds like he really does like you, but you cante change someone. Learn to appreciate and embrace him for who he is. Isn't that why y'all got together? I do think that it is important to establish open communication as soon as possible in a relationship because that will get you two comfortable. I have an uncle who does construction, but he is always full of energy. I don't know how he does it. If you like him the way you say you do then keep opening up to him. He will reciprocate soon enough.

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    • Thanks for the advice! I do like him, but it just feels like we're friends more than we are in a relationship at the rate i see him. I haven't seen him in almost two weeks, and we had plans this weekend but it seems like he forgot or won't make it as the date i was good for, isn't good for him anymore and im busy. I dont know what else to do... it just feels like he isn't as into me because we never see each other and he never initiates plans.

    • I see. I think I understand more now. You've done your part. Let him know that you want him, but if he wants you, he's going to have to SHOW you. Two weeks is a long time... especially if it isn't a long distance relationship

    • He lives about 15-20 minutes from me.. so yeah we aren't that far from each other and there's really no excuse anymore apart from him saying he's tired and if i dont message him, i dont hear from him usually. I've talked to him once about it, and other times I always tell him to give me a call or text to hang out and it's quiet. But when we hang out together, it's fine and we talk and i feel like it's a good time since we get along etc.

What Guys Said 5

  • That's just pretty much how guys are. They will never initiate discussions or communicate frequently. We get tongue tied too. We might mean to say a lot but when we hear from girls or see them, we can hardly put our thoughts together. At the back of our mind is always the thought that what will she think or feel. There's one thing for certain. You're definitely the first girl in his life. He is proud of you being his girlfriend in front of his friends who are just as reserved. They think he's cool that way coz he has a girlfriend. It's also nice of him to call you home and introduce you to his sister. Only nice genuine guys would do that. It may take a while to get him to open up fully due to your schedules and I'd say you drop in a few texts each day.

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    • It's been a huge learning process ever since I started talking to him that's for sure haha. And yeah, a lot of the people that I've met that know him literally describe him as a "nice/genuine/kind" guy. Those are usually the top descriptive words. I'm just hesitant about the relationship still since things are moving quite slow, but i guess i'd rather it slow than it being fast. Is there anything else i can do? I just find myself doubting a lot because i never heard from him and clearly we have different personalities, but we like each other.

  • guess he's justa shy guy... although the fact he doesn't avoid introducin u to his friends is a good sign actually :)

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    • He is, but it's been almost 3 months and I still feel like I don't know him as well as I should. We go a week or even almost 2 weeks lately without seeing each other and then we will spend almost a day together and it's completely fine. It's a bit awkward in the beginning, but as the day progress we just end up talking and im always happy to be with him. What else can i do? I asked him what he thought of the relationship and he said "im happy". But clearly im more outgoing than he is and enjoy being around people all of the time whereas he likes to stay in or have quiet nights...

    • guess he'll open up as time goes by :)

    • So this isn't bad? I know he isn't stringing me along or else he would have tried to use the opportunity when it came up, i just find it off that he calls me his girlfriend, invited me over for the first time recently to his house, and told his older sister about me but doesn't seem to make the effort to keep in contact with me. I'm usually asking him to hang out or ill say hey once in a while. I still feel shy to ask him to hang out since i feel like im bothering him... or is this all in my head bc and i just need to ask him out more?

  • Maybe you guy are not compatible. Clearly he happy with the state of the relationship and you're not. So there two thing you can do :

    1. Accept that how thing going to be and get over it.
    or

    2. Tell him he need to spend more time with you.

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    • I did both ;p and i'm going to continue to see how it goes.

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    • Exactly. You got it down pat :( Am i going about it the wrong way? I don't know what else to do. I've brought it up with him, so now he knows and he apologized for it... but what do i still do about being shy to ask him to hang out? I always feel like im bothering him for some reason even though i barely see him..

    • Nah, You guy are boyfriend and girlfriend. He introverted so I guess you have to be the one wearing the "pants" to ask him to hang out. Maybe he used to you asking him out all the time so he "expected" you to do all the work.

  • From an introverted guy, yeah, its "normal". I always feel if I text first, I'm coming across as clingy and needy.

    Obviously he came out of his shell asking you out and dating you. Its a first relationship for both of you, no one said it was easy.

    All he needs is a little more help recognizing the value of the relationship. Definitely talk/text him more. With us introverted guys just say " talk to me more" and it will happen lol.

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    • Funny, you also feel that way since that's how i feel when i text him. Well, it was essentially me that asked him out but he was the one that made the move to kiss me two separate times at different parties. I've also brought it up with him and said that i'd like to hear/see from him more, and all he did was apologize. It's been a week since that conversation and it's still the same.

    • Just keep doing what you're doing. Eventually he'll get the message.

    • I hope so. I mean, i keep pushing it and things are slowly progressing but i can only take this for so long after bringing it up a few times now.

  • As somebody who introverted we don't say much. I would say sit in his lap and talk to him.

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    • Well, when we hang out we often end up cuddling or making out. So it's not like he's shy in that aspect, but it's just the inbetween where I'd like to hang out with him more or at least hear from him every couple of days... what else can i do?

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    • Have you gone outside? :P And yeah, i know but generally our main form of contact is to text to see if the other is free or make plans in advance. But i feel like we're in the routine of seeing each other once a week or so and it's normal now... so i feel like im bothering him if i ask him to hang out with me because we dont see each other often.

    • I have not been out side at all since yesterday at work. I'm hardcore introvert and live up to my name. I would say make a schedule when you meet each other. In this time have things that you do together like visit an amusement park, movies or etc.. Introverts generally follow schedules well.

What Girls Said 4

  • Introvert or not, they would still love to be in contact with their girlfriend. He can't be that introverted if he asked you out, most guys would go weak at the knees at that thought. This isn't normal. He should want to spend at least a couple summer days with you. I don't think you can have a mature, genuine relationship with this guy. He's going to have to learn the hard way. He's not ready for a relationship. You can't expect a bright future now with next to no interaction. Don't wait any longer, leave him now.

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    • I'm starting to agree with you on that one. He is such a nice guy, but like you said I can't develop or maintain a relationship with someone if I never see them... especially if there's no effort on his part no matter how much it seems like he likes me. Essentially I was the one that confronted him about his feelings towards me, and with the situation we were in at the time I was like I'm only doing this because i like you, and im not some random girl to mess around with. Then a few days later, he asked me out and said he meant everything he told me that night... but I don't know. I'm torn, he's nice and everything... but there's no effort on his part to see me.

    • He's trying only now you've spoken up and the prospect of losing you has made him get his ass in gear. he should already be in gear! I don't think his efforts will last long so be prepared to leave when he goes back to his old ways.

  • Oh shit gurl wtf?

    You're doing like 95% of the effort..
    You have to be firmer with your words. Bring it up more and give him an ultimatum at some point. Yes, he's shy but there's a certain extent too :/

    I'm sorry that you are going through this, it's been three months and things are still not moving...

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    • hey girl! Hahah, yup same old, same old. Ill send you a message :)

  • Your boyfriend sounds boring as hell!! What kind of relationship is that with no communication? Tell him y'all need to communicate and get to know each other more or dumb his wack ass and find someone who actually has good conversation and who's fun

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  • It's not normal and you need to speak with him about that.

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