Should I still give this guy a chance, even if he is 11 years older then me and unemployed?

I met this guy. He is 46 and I am 35. He seems really nice. We have the same outlook on things, we get along so well. We have great chemistry. Into each other and barely any baggage either. Including never being married and both have no kids.

The only problem I have with him is that he does not work. He just finished his casual job and is now unemployed again. He says that he is able to get jobs easy so giving him the benefit of the doubt there. He shares a place with 3 other guys as well. A bit weird he is not stable in that regard at his age?

I still rent though but live on my own. Have a permanent full time job for years though.

I just would prefer he has his shit together more. I know I can't be to picky with men. It is very rare the these days to find someone who wants an actual relationship. He studies as well. Accounting. He says he looks for jobs almost everyday. Should I take his word for it or look for someone more stable?

He is from a different country as well. He is Spanish and I am Australian. He has asked me for money and always paid for things as well. I told him that was a deal breaker and he would be gone so fast if he did that. Been in that situation before and have learnt my lesson.

He had his job when we first met but he does not now so a bit worried I will be taken advantage of financially. He assures me that he would never take advantage of me.

What would you guys do in my shoes?

Updates:
*He has never asked me for money I mean. Oops. Typo there.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • 1) I'm sorry. You can be picky if you want to. I wouldn't ever settle for something I didn't want, especially because I got older. One guy ends up getting what he wants and I don't--not fair to me.

    2) I would give it a bit more time. You seem to like this guy. So I wouldn't necessarily "push" him into getting his own place, but I would tell him that it's something that you prefer him to have.

    I think 6 months is an ample time for him to get his crap together. He should have a stable job by then and be in at least the process of finding his own place.

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    • True. True. I do want, what is best for me that is why I am having second thoughts. Just know that there are a lot of assholes out there. This guy idoes not seem like that at all. But then again we have only been dating for almost 3 months. Know they are all nice at first lol.

      No I am not pushy at all just encouraging him to find something. If things got more serious and I was ready to move in with him. Would not till he found something permanent though.

      Thanks I might just give him the benefit of the doubt and see if he does get his act together then. Thanks for the advice.

    • You're welcome! Hopefully he get's a place and a stable job.

What Guys Said 4

  • Run! I've seen this happen before, and it did not turn out well. A man his age should have his life together by now unless he's gone through some kind of tragedy. If he says that he can find a job easily and is looking every day, then why hasn't he found one yet? That to me is a huge red flag. Even though he says he won't take advantage of you, I'd still be cautious. Someone who is willing to take advantage of someone else isn't going to be afraid to lie about it. My advice is to leave him, but keep an eye on him. Let him know that if he wants you back, he has to get his life together, and then maybe give him another chance. Still be cautious though because it could be easy for him to fall back to where he is now. On a more personal opinion, I think that an age gap of 11 years is a bit creepy, but whatever floats your boat. Just be careful.

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    • That is what I have thought as well. It makes me wonder if he really even had that job the first time we met.

      He is from another country. He has Citizenship though. That was important to me he had that and yes he has shown me his certificate. If you had been in the country since 2009. Surely you would have your life set up now?

      I thought he was 40 when we first met then he confessed to me he was 46. don't normally go with someone 12 years older then me but because he looks young and we seem to be on the same wave length. That does not bother me.

      Definitely being cautious. Glad I have never given him any money either. As he knows he would be out the door if he even thought about asking.

    • 11 I mean! Typo lol.

  • I know this question is a month old, but for what it's worth now, I don't think you should give him up yet. I don't agree with "theatreguy" about "having it all together". The thing is, more and more people are reeducating themselves for another career, including this age group - either because they're tired of their old line of work or because they are forced to. Worklife is changing faster than ever and businesses that were prosperous just 10 years ago face much harder times now. Also (and unfortunately) many businesses base their employment on temporary positions to a much greater extent than before so this is no longer an indicator of not desiring the responsibilites of a "set life". Also, add to the fact that he's Spanish, trying to settle in another country; it is usually much harder to be recognized as a foreign employee since potential employers may question your qualifications and experience. Having foreign credentials - even if they are very good - is always a risk.

    So i'd keep dating him. Of course you should look out for red flags, and the thing that catches my attention is not his lack of stability (due to the reasons explained above) but the fact that he has asked you for money.

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  • Why did he lose his job? He sounds like a drifter

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    • He says he was a casual. That is only a temporary position where I am from so I guess time ran out and he did not have something lined up before he finished up.

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    • You can still see him but be very cautious

    • Trust me I will be!

  • Why sont u juz wait til he get a job? Than u won't have to worry about being taken advantage of. there's no harm in waiting if y'all know y'all are meant for eachother 😒

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What Girls Said 1

  • Yeah you still should.

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