Fellow Gagers, is it bad that it bothers me when a guy doesn't have a job?

There's this guy I've been talking to and for personal reasons I'm not digging him. I believe one of those (not the main reason though at all, he's just clingy) reasons is that he doesn't have a job. He recently got out of the army the BEGINNING of this year and he claims to be "relaxing for now". He was in the service for four years. He states he wants to go back to school; still needs to complete general Ed in college. He's vented that he's gotten in arguments with his father because he doesn't want to support him.

Ok ok point is, is it wrong of me to be annoyed about the job thing? It has nothing to do with him spending anything on me. No, I hold my own job down. I understand everyone does things in their adult life at their own pace. I don't have everything figured out either. It's just disappointing that he's just being sedentary. I wouldn't even care if he had a part time/2 diff p/t odd jobs, minimum wage, etc... Just something!! He just makes it seem like being in the army is such a life accomplishment that'll have him set for life or something... I could go on and on 😑
inputs?

  • You're exaggerating.
    0% (0)26% (6)18% (6)Vote
  • I agree
    80% (8)43% (10)55% (18)Vote
  • If I was in your position, it wouldn't bother me but I see your point of view.
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  • You're so wrong for that.
    10% (1)9% (2)9% (3)Vote
  • Other
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And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I voted "B", because I completely agree with literally everything you said. And I don't do that much, especially with GAG questions.

    To answer your question, I would say it depends on the reason why he didn't have a job, so I would say it may or may not be a "bad" thing to care about his job status. With that being said, in YOUR situation, I see nothing wrong for being bothered by the fact he doesn't have a job.

    It would be different if he was laid-off recently, or fired for an unjust reason, or actively looking for a job, but he is just sitting there and not even trying. Many people use the word "relaxing" as a code word for LAZY. He should be actively looking for ANY job, whether it be part-time, minimum age, etc (As you mentioned.) I've been working since I was 15 years old, mind you, juggling high school and college with that (which lead to endless nights of working or doing homework.)

    This is an issue I see with many military members. They get this sense of entitlement. They already get a slew of benefits, the G. I. Bill which guarantees money every month, so they feel they can be lazy and not contribute anything more to society. It's pathetic.

    But anyway, I am WITH YOU 100 percent on this one!

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What Guys Said 11

  • I don’t know his circumstances as for as his military service and if maybe he’s having some issues adjusting to civilian life, but either way he needs to be a man and put forth some kind of effort to support himself, get his life on track and not throw that on his dad. He’s not in any situation to “relax” if someone else is supporting him. If he does have issues then he needs to get enrolled in the VA and get some assistance. There are all kinds of job programs, organizations and counselors that can assist him. The GI bill will pay for his college (assuming he served honorably) and pay a monthly allowance to assist him. It sounds to me like from what you are saying he doesn’t have any issues and he is just being lazy and wants people to feel sorry for him. Look at it this way, if he’s lazy and and doesn’t seem to have a sense of urgency or ambition about his life then why is going to take anything seriously between the two of you? especially when things get hard. It’s something to think about. To me a man is supposed to be the one that steps up and says “I got this"

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  • Being clingy is not a good sign. I will say if he has plans that you should just call him out on them. Id he has plans to go to school, see if he signed up for courses when the next semester is supposed to begin and if he doesn't consider it bluff. He might have it in his head that since he is a "military guy" who "did his time" that he can do whatever he wants now but obviously his family is not approving.

    Judge by the effort really. If he is not putting in the effort, you'll have to move on.

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  • I know way too many lazy guys who sign up for some form of service and expect those supplemental* monthly payments to take care of things. I am not saying he deserves a break or that he did not do a lot of good for four years, but a part time job at the least, just 20 hours a week, that is nothing... I worked two jobs over 60 hours a week for year to save money for grad school and I still found time to 'relax' play some games and hang out with friends...

    After working the way I did, for people our age at least who have the general fitness to do okay, I have no patience as well.

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  • Well I wouldn't date a lazy girl either thats just a bit OD in these hard time everyone needs to have a job I got a mcdonalds job and A job in a taco joint to make ends meet even though I got a degree. ALSO I do web design jobs on the sides and tryins to start a business. a person with no drive is a turn off anything is fine but do something geeez

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  • I assume he was recently deployed, Afghanistan maybe? If so, its probably PTSD getting to him. There's really nothing you can do.

    For the record, its not a bad thing if it bothers you. I take it as a sign of you showing concern for him, that he's not seeking to move on from army life.

    As I said, if he was in a combat zone, probably PTSD, which can only be handled with love and care.

    If not, my buddy in the army had a commander that said to a man he dishonorably discharged "The army is a bastion of mediocrity and you failed to be mediocre"

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  • I seriously don't understand how a guy without a job gets a girlfriend. I have a loser friend who always has a chick but no job, no car, lives with his mom, it's frustrating.

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    • Does he have wealthy parents who get him everything he wants? I ask this because from what it sounds like, this guy gets girls to "gold-dig" through his parents. I've seen it before, especially when I went to a Catholic high school lol.

  • Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I would think twice and then again about having much to do with him.

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  • Money is all women care about.

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    • Please enlighten me.

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    • Exactly!!!

    • @SummerAccount2015 I agree with this for the most part but the @Asker even said it's not about his money, it's about his lack of motivation. I believe her too.

  • If he has concrete plans to go back to school and the means to pay for it then you shouldn't worry if he is just working interim shitty jobs for now.

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    • That's the thing. He's not doing anything At all but waking up at noon and hanging out with friends.

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    • No. No action for either thing 😑

    • And how old is he?

  • If you expecting a person with job is fine but why you have that prefrencthat is mainly important here😊

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  • I don't know you can feel however but your probably not perfect either

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    • I never stated that. Given your age, you don't have to worry about any of that yet.

    • Given the downvote you probably take things personally😂

What Girls Said 6

  • I can see how it could bother you. Men, supossed to be providers, thats why i laughed at the dude that said we only care about money. Even though we work, we want our mate to do it aswell n feel like he couldnt be without one. Now, why do u care about him not having a job? Has he asked you out? If he did, then i would tell him, look when u get a job n if u still think u like to go out with me, we can talk about it then. Hmm sum people see it as bitchy, i see it as if u dont make it clear they won't know. N, u probably gotta give him a break, yes we are in mid of the year but hopefully he gets up fast. Another thing, is he broke now? Because if he somehow still can hold his own without a job, then that shouldn't matter.

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  • I agree.
    (This part is more for guys who think like the prev ones who have commented)

    A girl caring about a guy having a job does not mean she cares about it for the money. Generally, when people see a man without a job they think he is irresponsible and lazy. When a man cannot hold his own and doesn't WANT a job, then he's not showing that he can be responsible and care for a family in the future.
    This doesn't apply to men who raise the children while the wives work. I'm okay with the role reversal part, as long as he isn't being a stay home dad because he doesn't want to have to work.

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  • If he isn't suffering from PTSD, he should have a job. It shows that he is mature and capable of caring for himself, which is why I feel you may be so turned off by it. It's not about the money, but no woman wants to date a man-child with no ambition whatsoever.

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    • Thank you!!! Exactly..
      I feel like he's a big mamas boy..
      I mean, we're both adults and the obvious next step is becoming independent and that has a lot to do with establishing stability. I guess I think differently because I don't live at home anymore.

  • It's a little bit hard to have a relationship with someone when they don't have a job. It skews the relationship dynamic and it would honestly bother me too, if I was in your position.

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  • Digging him as a friend or as a romantic interest?

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    • I was digging him but for other reasons he's pushed me away unfortunately.. Extremely pushy.

    • Okay you didn't answer my question. If he pushed you away then you don't have anything to worry about

    • It's just a general thought and the second time this job issue has come up with another guy.

  • I agree with you!

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