Should I ask guy I turned down for second date if he wants to be friends?

So about 10 days ago I went on a date with a guy who I briefly knew already from a while ago, and then got chatting to again on an online dating site. We got along really well, had lots of similar interests and had a laugh, the conversation was pretty much non stop for about 3 hours. The thing is, I just didn't feel any sort of 'chemistry' or 'spark'. He's a good looking guy and we get along well, but there was just something missing. So I sent him a message a few days later basically saying that I had a good time but didn't seeing it being more than friends and didn't want to lead him on. He replied and was cool about it, thanking me for letting him know. The thing is, I keep thinking about him, because I did genuinely like him as a friend. Although I'm not sure if maybe I WANT to like him in that way and thats why I keep thinking about him? But I would like to stay friends with him because I liked speaking to him (in real life and online). I'm just scared about leading him on, because I wouldn't want to do that to anyone. Would it be weird to ask him if we can still be friends? Guys if you have been turned down by a girl after a first date how would you feel receiving a text a week later asking if you wanted to be friends? And girls have any of you been in this situation?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Nope! Let him go. He looks at you as someone he wants to date. It is very hard to downgrade feelings from lover to friend only. It is just as hard as you forcing yourself to like him as a lover when you only have friend type feelings for him. It is too hard for the guy to be only your friend and be with you, but never be able to have you, and then one day watch you walk off with your boyfriend and be totally jealous and hurt of that. Why would you want to put someone through that? Another thing is when you want to be friends, because like you said, something is missing and it just doesn't seem right. So you basically bottle him up and put on the shelf to maybe use later in case you find what you are look for by telling him you just want to be friends. This is also unfair because it gives him false sense of hope and maybes. He likes you as a lover, not as a friend. I say to just let him go. I'm sure you have enough friends.

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What Guys Said 1

  • just frends?
    yes... although it's not 100% sure he wil accept :)

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What Girls Said 2

  • Okay so this could possibly go two ways
    1) Are you sure he likes you like that? I mean the friendship feeling could be mutual and he may want to be your friend as much as you want to be his.
    or 2) You may have a massive case of "girl brain" i'm not saying you don't like him for him but do you not have other good friends? Is there a chance that maybe you want to talk to him because you think he likes you and you on some level want that male attention? Would talking to him be a safety net for when you get lonely. I'm not having a dig at you because i have in the past talked to nice guys who liked me just because i wanted the attention. This wash"t intentional and i thought i just wanted them as friends and i didn't want to lead him on but i know now my motives where pretty selfish

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  • I assumed that you two were already friends unless if you haven't been chatting with him as much.

    I don't think you should word it like that, but I would ask if it's cool for you two to hang-out sometime.

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