Being in the dating world and not wanting kids?

I've known my entire life there's no way I want kids. Everyday when I see kids screaming in the store or being difficult with their parents, it just turns me off to have kids even more so it hasn't changed with age at all. I plan to have a career and to work my entire life, including when I'm married, so I can afford nice things and live comfortably.

I just really wonder... how badly does it affect someone in the dating world? If you really liked someone and you wanted kids, would you be willing to give that up just to be with that person? I know it's something you should tell someone immediately, which I fully intend to do. I'm just wondering how many times I will be rejected and dumped over that...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • LOL girl, you are 20, there's no way in hell you could possibly know how you are gonna feel about this is 15, 20 years when you hear your biological clock... You may think you do, but take it from me, you don't. Until I was about 30, I literally hated kids and could never see myself having kids. No way I said. Well, then my little nephew arrived, I got older, and having kids didn't seem like the worst thing anymore. It's still not like I absolutely need to have kids, but with the right guy I'd consider it.

    I guess what I am trying to say is, you don't know what's gonna happen to you within the next 20 years. You may change your mind, or you may not. No matter how strongly you feel about this now, believe me. Therefore, I don't think this is something you should be bringing up during the first date or so, unless of course the guy asks you about it. You are 20, you shouldn't even have to talk about having or not having kids yet... And by that I don't mean that you are not an adult, because you are, but you just don't know what lifes got in stake for you. And it's a fact that people change over time.

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    • Well I know people can change their minds, but I typically don't go back on my decisions. I honestly hope I don't change my mind because I think it is the "easier" route to not have them anyway... I love being able to get up to go to work in the morning and not have to worry about anybody but myself, or be able to just lay in bed when I'm really sick all day and not have to feed or take care of another person. The reason I am already worrying about it is that I am not interested in playing and field and am looking for a long term relationship. I am moving to a different state next year so it's not right away, but I hope to settle down in a few years or so.

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    • I know right? I mean I'm sure there are some great men out there that I would get along with well, but the only difference would be the whole wanting kids thing, which is a pretty big thing to discuss before marriage. I've known people myself who have been married and one person wants kids and the other one doesn't, I guess it's usually the one that does who gives in since you can't force someone to have kids. It's a special circumstances thing for sure. lol

    • From my experience, the one who doesn't want kids is usually the guy, so you should be fine :-)

What Guys Said 8

  • The older you get, the worse it gets - many of those who want kids rush into relationships or marriages and pop them out... then find themselves divorced around 30.

    I don't want kids. I really don't like them. I worry that I am going to face a dilemma, and that my resolve to be childless but happy will be sorely tested.

    You're 20. Time is very much on your side.

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    • Yeah I feel the same way. I guess I'll try a site like match. com next year after I move so I can just be open about it right from the start. Then maybe they won't message me when it says I don't want any kids on my profile.

      God yeah I would never want to be a single mom like that.

    • Don't discount the free sites like OkCupid and POF either... they also allow you to specify.

  • No, I want kids too much. I mean that is great for you and you have that right to want that life, but I think it severely hurts your dating pool to be honest...

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    • Yeah when I move next year I am probably going to try a dating site so I can state that right off...

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    • Ya I agree, especially because no one starts thinking about those things when just first meeting someone! It would be very difficult to bring up with out seeming a bit too interested too early on lol but I hope it works out for you! at your age you will have no problem dating. I mean more good luck later when you are looking to settle down

    • I do want to settle down within the next few years though, so that's why I'm wondering.

  • Good question!

    I'm undecided regarding kids, but I quite like them in general, so I would prefer someone who is like me: open to the possibility but not hardcore desperate to have them right away.

    Keep in mind that a lot of guys already have kids from past relationships and might not want more. So when you get older, you could always snag one of those.

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    • Well I like older men so I would be okay with that, as long as the kid didn't live there full time or most of the time.

  • Well im a male obviously and felt the same until around 35/36 and two kids have just come along so its not unusual to have those thoughts but life is full of surprises and one day in the future you may or may not change your mind but either way i dont see any issues there!

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  • not bad... many people do't want kids :)

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  • thats a deal breaker for me. I think I want kids but am still somewhat undecided, but a flat out no is a turn off

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  • It's probably quite a challenge, but I bet there's some dating website for that.

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  • there isn't any compromise possible in this for you?

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    • Nope. I've thought about that and there's no way in hell I could do it. I'm not the least bit maternal and I'm going to be a police officer so what if something happens to me and the kid is left without a mom? Not to mention 18 hour work shifts.

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    • I hope you"ll find someone who doesn't care you don't want kids and can make him very happy!!

      Aha now I understaand a little better why you don't want kids... it's undestandable that you don;t want a future child have the same things going through if you possible die young.

    • Thanks. I'm sure there is someone out there for me.

What Girls Said 2

  • Hello sister from another mother.
    I don't want kids either and I find it hilarious people keep trying to convince that I will change my mind and blah blah blah.
    I like it sleep my independence and my comfort way to much to give it up for poop, midnight cries, vomit and tantrums.
    No thank you

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  • it affects me quite a lot.

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