I can never seem to get passed the first couple of dates, why?

It's getting ridiculous. I've been actively dating for years but have seemed to fail miserably and making anything long term ever since my LTR ended in high school, years ago. I really think it's bad luck at this point. I usually always get a kiss at the end (most of the time the girl initiates), and sometimes I've even had sex on the first or second date. I'd assume that would mean physical attraction isn't an issue, but that's as far as it ever goes. Most of them tend to just disappear without a trace. The few that haven't (who I still talk to as friends) aren't much help. Sometimes it's just that there was another guy, or that there was no spark or they didn't see a future. A couple have said they thought I was a player because I was way too "smooth" and "comfortable" on the first date, but after so many "first dates" I feel like that's inevitable.

I always get "you're young" or "you're looking for the wrong girls," both of which just annoy me. Plenty of people are in relationships at my age, hell most of my friends have kids and are married! As for the second part, I don't even know how to go about that. I don't limit myself to a particular type physically or personality wise, and I've tried plenty of different places (online dating, bar, grocery store, book store...).

I guess this is more of a rant, but it's getting exhausting to continuously put in effort to get to know someone, and have it go to crap in an instant. Frankly, it's also getting very lonely. All of my friends think I'm some sort of man whore because I'm always with another girl, but I honestly wish that wasn't the case. I just don't even know anymore. I don't know what to ask or what to do. My dad jokes around that, at first he thought it was just circumstantial, buy now he's convinced it's a curse. One notable moment was when a girl ended up spending the night, and spent the entire weekend at my house interacting with my family. She then just up and vanished after that, surprise!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey, it's great your dating and as frustrating and exhausting as it maybe... you have plenty of TIME!!!

    I know you hate hearing that but just know that there are so many couples out there stuck and cannot get out of their relationship. It's easy to get into one, it's very draining and emotional to get out.

    Best way to spend your single days is to work on you and knock down goals you have set out for yourself. When you get into a relationship.. your efficiency as far as goals will diminish.

    Don't doubt yourself, you're getting dates and you articulate yourself well. Just be who you are and if they don't like it, Great! Move on!

    It also sounds like to me you need a break from the dating, sometimes when you look too hard you start to make up excuses to call her rather than actually wanting to. Maybe the women your dating are picking up on this that you just want a girlfriend and not her (i'm just speculating).

    Either way, just know there are many many guys here who wish they had your issues of dates not working out vs getting 0 dates. Grass is always greener!

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    • That makes sense, but how would one come across as just looking for a relationship? I usually don't just settle for anyone, if that helps. But yeah, maybe I do need a break... Hermit crabbing and playing video games on my off time might be relaxing.

    • "... and I've tried plenty of different places (online dating, bar, grocery store, book store...)."

      It's good to be proactive about looking for a potential mate but if it becomes a choir // frustrating, then you know it's time to take a break and do some other things.

      Masturbation is great but you can only beat off so much and it becomes painfully sore. So take a break!

What Girls Said 1

  • bad luck i guess.

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    • This is gonna sound crazy but maybe you should take it slow with them? They're probably gonna want to have sex with you early since you're hot, so do what girls usually do to guys. You can actually joke about it "hey I'm not easy okay, I need romance and stuff" lol because that's usually the kind of bullshit you'd get from them.
      I guess this would show you're not a manwhore indeed and you're here for the serious thing.

      I was also tempted to say you chose a similar type of girl (the wrong one) but you seem to have already try many places so.. I dunno. I'd have to know you lol

    • Fuck... wrong person, what a retard. my bad.

    • You already know me! I'm fantastic, duh. Haha. Yeah I could try that. It's definitely not an approach I've given a shot. A friend of mine was giving me crap saying that I should stop sleeping them so quick and I couldn't resist in saying "but if I didn't on the first date then I'd never get the chance!" And yeah I've covered the types... Different race, style, age, etc. I think the only kind girl I haven't dated yet is sane... Ha kidding. Maybe...

What Guys Said 3

  • Actually I know a guy who is like you and is a bit depressed about it.

    It's a guy I used to work out with. He's really hot and gets a new girl every week as well (he's a male stripper, his body makes girls insane) but is depressed because girls use him for sex but never want to stick around.

    I don't feel like telling him what I think because I don't want to upset him I guess, but I believe his physical appearance has a higher value, than his personality. So he brings more on the appearance side than on the personality one... Kind of sad.

    Basically I guess he's a male bimbo. Not that he's stupid but just that his personality doesn't stand out as much as his body. But like you said, it really is a curse and average looking people have difficulty to realise it.

    Maybe you should really work on what is around your person. I mean, you have inner game and you're confident because you're good looking. Now work on what's around you like your hobbies, your achievements, your future projects etc.
    I know my dad always impress women when he talks about the new houses he's refurbishing and the construction projects he has.
    Of course you're a bit young to have such projects but it's just to give you an example. Do some charity work or something I dunno chicks dig that. attract them using other tools than anything related to how good looking and charming you are as a person. You catch my drift?

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    • Yeah I completely get what you mean. I know a guy like that too, and he's definitely not the brightest. I understand how a lack of hobbies can be boring. I don't necessarily have a lot of goals or ambitions at the moment, admittedly, but that's because I've already accomplished a lot. I rebuilt an old mustang, new engine and all, and that tends to be a big topic because me and a friend restore old cars. I also volunteer at an animal shelter (it's actually how I met one girl). So I'd like to think those are interesting haha. Maybe I'm wrong, though. I'm second guessing everything at this point.

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    • Nah not really haha. the Mustang is my daily driver now so that's noticed right away. The animal shelter thing comes up sometimes, but I don't lead with it. I try not to actually boast and more of let things come up naturally. I don't want it to seem like I'm volunteering for the sake of appearances, you know? And that's what I mean! I've even taken a girl to a race track with the kick ass Audi R18s race. Yet the girl I took to Walmart because I had no ideas turned into a far more successful endeavor (relative to my usual success). It just leaves me baffled. Maybe I do suck at selling myself...

    • This is gonna sound crazy but maybe you should take it slow with them? They're probably gonna want to have sex with you early since you're hot, so do what girls usually do to guys. You can even joke about it "hey I'm not easy okay, I need romance and stuff" lol because that's usually the kind of bullshit you'd get from them.
      I guess this would show you're not a manwhore indeed and you're here for the serious thing.

      I was also tempted to say you chose a similar type of girl (the wrong one) but you seem to have already try many places so.. I dunno. I'd have to know you lol

  • I haven't ever kissed or dated I'm almost 30! You at least have gotten dates.

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  • Dude I'm in the same boat as you. 25, dated many and had a few hookups but no legit relationship. It's frustrating especially when you get no explanation and you wonder if there's something you're doing that's wrong that you don't realize.

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    • Any progress lately?

      I'd also like to add that the ones who wanted to stick around with me were the ones I had little to no interest in and I've tried dating just for the sake of having a date but it did nothing for me. If you don't feel any physical attraction or excitement, you can't force it. It just doesn't work that way. It's also not fair to them because it's just using them so you're not alone even if it's not with malicious intent.

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    • I fucking hate being in that position where the girl expects you to do literally all the work and leaves it to you to initiate the conversation but will sit back and if you don't say anything she likes or finds interesting, she'll deem you as boring, weird, etc but when in reality she's the boring one as she isn't contributing shit.

      And I've experienced what you're talking about where you meet a girl who is very cute and has a ton in common with you that they're like your female twin. I've even had ones who show lots of interest from the get go and then all of a sudden back off and disappear without any explanation or trace and make it seem like you're the crazy/weird one despite them showing an overzealous amount of interest. My closest to a relationship like that, I ended up being rebounded which had a lasting effect. Not only did it take me awhile to get over the girl who rebounded on me, but it also messed me up on how I go about dating.

      End of rant.

    • So I have have dates with 4 different women the past 2 weeks, all saying hey i had a great time, next time I'll pay, come out your way, hit me up, etc and then when I do text them they ignore me without any explanation. wtf is going on?

      It's not even like I'm smothering them.

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