What's with this guy sticking me with half the bill on our first date when he'd asked me out?

So this guy's been sending all the signals that he's into me. We had our first date last night, and still he was sending all these signals that he takes me seriously and is interested in a potential relationship--suggestions of things we might do together, etc. There was chemistry there, too, for sure. I was stunned when the waitress came by, though, and he said to her, "Hey, would you split the check in two?" To *her*, mind you--not even to me--which would have been messed up enough. He'd asked me out and pursued the whole thing--wth? Even after that, he was following up with suggestions of additional dates, so it wasn't a blowoff.

Updates:
He didn't even talk to me about it first or give me the opportunity to offer myself. He just handed me with half the check, no discussion, so that I was paying for his drinks.
I might be a bit old fashioned, but I think whoever suggests the date, plans the date, orders the food and drinks, etc., should do so with the willingness to pay for it. If the other party offers to pay part or all, fine, but don't go through all that just to say, oh here's your bill for the evening. And if you really do value the person you're wining and dining, then you demonstrate that on the first date at least by paying the frigging bill.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He's one of those guys who prefers splitting it I guess... and technically that's fine, but I know what you mean. It leaves a strange impression. He took you out somewhere, that you probably had no say in deciding, and then has you pay for on a date he organized and asked you out to, and he orders whatever he wants... I don't know. If you offer that's one thing, but... He should've just gone with a coffee date first if he's worried about spending too much.

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    • Maybe you shouldn't go out with him again? If he's really not the type of guy you'd like to date.

What Guys Said 11

  • It's a test, to see if you are and adult or a child.

    He wants to be with someone who respects him, if paying for your half of the bill is a problem for you he can then move on. Splitting the bill is a really good way of weeding out the undesirable women, kinda like how a woman wouldn't be interested in a guy who seriously expected sex on the first date because he bought you popcorn and a movie.

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    • completely agree. If he's into you and knows you're not childish about this, next date or so he will probably pay because he can see this going somewhere- And come on, even a very progressive guy knows a woman likes to be wooed and taken care of. But he's not gonna do it for any woman either!

  • Equality has a very shady grey about it, because woman often would offer to pay and the guy happily decline her offer, but some men are happy to split the bill as a rule, so although I feel as if you don't have a right to be upset, I do find his approach about this strange because I am one of those guys who would happily pay the bill regardless of how well the date went, x

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  • You have a job right? This is 2015, a man paying for the whole bill is "sexist and misogynistic" now.

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  • so u believe it'd be better if he paid for everyone?

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  • So you're saying you don't like equality?

    www.adweek.com/.../internet_troll.png

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  • I always love when women say they are "old fashion" or "traditional", it is usually only after a date that she had to pay for herself, does she call herself "old fashion" or "traditional". It's such a strange coincidence!

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  • If a guy asks out a girl he should pay. Wtf is wrong with this guy.

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  • I usually don't mind paying on the first date, but its the 21st century its okay to split a check. most of the girls I have dated lately have offered to split the check

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  • He is a progressive man. This is what women wanted. Equality. Women for some reason think that life will get easier with equality. Nope. It will get harder. For men there are no free rides. The world for men is a struggle and competition. Women want to join the world of men and will now be competing and struggling with men, not having shit payed for. Fix your own car, lift your own heavy shit, open your own jars, be judged by your career and success, support yourself, and pay for your own food. No expecting ANY special treatment: if you cry or get emotional you will loose the respect of others, if you act like a bitch you will be mocked, if you can't keep up physically you will be seen as a looser.
    Here you are girls- your time to share the weight of the world is here.
    If a guy goes anywhere he will expect to pay for his shit. Even if a woman asked him out, he still expects to pay for his shit.

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  • I read this and just thought.. https://youtu.be/yuedZ1Y_dU4 lol

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    • lol cocky little f***er, I give you that

    • hahaha!

  • You have a job? Pay your half of the bill. God, women these days.

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    • Show All
    • Actually, what was rude was you assuming he should either have to offer to pay or to ask you to split the bill. If you go out, you should be assuming that you need to open your wallet, unless the guy specifically mentions anything different.

    • Just read your update.

      Guess what? Women by and large still want men to do the approaching and setup dates... which by YOUR definition would mean he is also REQUIRED to pay for you. NO. Not the way it works.

      Stop trying to abuse antiquated gender roles to get free things.

What Girls Said 4

  • Although it's weird that he pursued you and then didn't fully pay, I don't think splitting the bill on a first date is a HUGE deal, especially if the total was more than $40. He probably just doesn't want to start paying for you until you're officially his girlfriend which, though not very chivalrous, does make sense if he's a regular guy with a regular job who has to budget.

    It seems like this really bothers you, though, so I think what you should do is ask - but not accuse or condemn - him about it. Text/email/message him something like, "Hey, I had a great time with you the other night, but I was a little surprised when you asked the waitress to split the bill. What was that about?" I'm sure he has a good reason... but in case he gives you some BS or misogynistic answer. at least you'll know sooner rather than later.

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  • It's 2015. The guy isn't obligated to pay the whole bill. Is it nice if he does? Absolutely. But it's not a requirement. Don't be silly.

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  • on a date he should have paid. are you sure he didn't think you were just going out as friends?

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    • No, it was definitely a date. He even acknowledged the date status several times during the date.

    • thats messed up then

  • thats a bit rude.

    id happily pay half but as a rule i ALWAYS pay for the entire thing when i invite people out (friends and boyfriends and yes i do ask guys out a lot before someone jumps in), i also believe whoever asks pays and then after that either take turns or split it down the middle. if the guy had said at the start shall we go halves that would be one thing but to ask the waitress and ignore you is really rude.

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