Would you date someone with a (most likely) terminal illness?

This last semester I dated a woman briefly. 3 dates. We were talking for over a month though. She is a great woman. Really had pretty much everything I was looking for. On the second date she mentioned she might have MS, and an MRI has shown some brain damage. Fast forward several weeks another MRI showed more damage (white matter, and cerebellum) (doc says it is not MS, but he doesn't know what is wrong, or why). This was posted on FB. I called, we talked. I had just gotten over being bad sick for over a week and was behind in all my classes. We fell out of touch for the rest of the semester. And I was kind of glad. I really didn't have the heart to tell her I couldn't date someone that is having some unknown progressive degenerative neurological disorder / disease. And I felt bad about it. I'm a really empathetic person. My heart truly goes out to her. And I feel kinda like a jerk. I made contact with her, a few weeks ago. She had somethign of mine I wanted back, and I didn't want to make a direct approach and just ask "for my stuff back", so I said I felt bad about how we had just stopped talking. She said she didn't see how we could work at this point. I think she thought I was trying to get back with her and I conceeded no, I don't think we could work out. And we chatted. And she agreed to meet some time later so I could get my stuff. About a week and a half later, she text me saying she "has been thinking a lot lately. And she likes me. A lot." I was a whirl wind of emotion. I want to. But. Anyway, I didn't reply. She text me the next weeked, (a couple days ago) at a microbiology conference we were both supposed to go to. Saying she was talking to someone I knew (by name) that does research in the lab next to mine. This is all I think about all day. All I can think about is: Her. Am I being a jerk? Should I have text her back? Am I doing the right thing? Should I try to meet and talk it out? Should I date her / love her anyway, pain be damned.

  • Yes, date her.
    30% (3)27% (4)28% (7)Vote
  • Nope. Move on.
    40% (4)13% (2)24% (6)Vote
  • Geez man, I don't know. / I can't answer this question.
    30% (3)60% (9)48% (12)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe if she was really amazing. But I'm so torn... You also have to protect yourself because you'd be dating someone who will -by the looks of it- at some point forget who you are or at least would become very dependent on you. It would be quite the rollercoaster...

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What Girls Said 7

  • It's not fun dating someone with a terminal disease. You see them get weak and tired and scared. You know the end is coming and it's not a happy feeling knowing that a small cough could finally tip the person into Death's hand.
    It's a horrible feeling and although you can only think of her, don't feel like a jerk. She deserves the best treatment, but don't feel down only because you don't want to feel the feeling of loss.

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  • Some people might. I personally could not and think that most people would be in the same boat. Generally people are looking for someone to spend their life with. Obviously we are all going to die someday but you expect that that day will be far down the line after you have had a long long fulfilling life together.

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  • That's a tough one. I wouldn't date someone with a terminal illness from the get go (which by the way you don't know if she has one) but I wouldn't leave a partner if he came down with a terminal illness.

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  • I just can't. I would be suicidal after that.

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  • Nope, unless he's going to put me on his will.

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  • I have stage 4 colon cancer and would not want to date/get serious with anyone. I just wouldn't want to put someone else through what im going through. I wouldn't want them to get close to me just to lose me. Just my thoughts on the subject though...

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  • i would move on.

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What Guys Said 8

  • I would see what happens. You have no idea what is going to happen, steven hawkings was suppose to have died when he was a teenager. Of course you will also have to face the pain of not pursueing this and the guilt as well as the wondering what will happen. Its a tough situation and I really don't think their is a right answer. However if your think about her this much I don't think avoiding her is going to help. Just talk to her tell her how you feel, how you think about her but about how you are understandable terrified of what wil happen to her. The fact is, and I am not trying to add more guilt, but she is probably thinking the exact same things as you are. Talk to her and see what happens, you really don't know the extent of what she has. Again you have nothing to be ashamed of, you shouldn't feel bad because its a crap situation and you shouldn't feel obligated to pursue a relationship with her.

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  • Honest to God if I liked her and cared for her in a romantic sense for her I feel like I would. I know some people would not and that is perfectly fine. I would just spend time with her knowing it was short and precious. I would try to make her feel as loved as possible and be open to her. Everyone would make their own choices and some would never get involved which is perfectly fine as well. Sure I am looking for a long term relationship and someone to live with the rest of my life, but for this short time it would be worth it to me to be with her

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  • On one hand

    And on your left hand-You move on and tell her sorry and be honest. But... and this is big because this will effect you permanently the rest of you life knowing that you could've done something to make her happier.

    Your right hand- You have the option of dating her and most likely will leave you ultimately be coping if she is to die after the fact. However dating her doesn't mean she will die. Before you do that you have to ask yourself do you love this girl?

    Personally I would do it, if you love this girl, and I mean really love her then go for it. Either way you go about this you'll be left with some hurt but its two different types

    I found a site for you that may help you comet an answer as well.
    www.whattoexpect.com/.../...-terminal-illness.html

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  • It's hard to make a decision on the based of someone
    your not really sure what type of illness they have
    it seems like your communication with her needed to
    be more better in one point you feel bad for her but
    in another point you don't know what steps to take
    this is touch and go situation for sure my advice i
    would of returned her text saying well will see what
    goes on basically telling her lets be good friends for
    now and take things from there.

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  • difficult.. i don't know wot to say tbh...

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  • Be friends with her, and be there when she needs you. Then when you eventually find someone else she'll understand, and by then she will find someone else.

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  • I voted C.

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  • Tbh if I really liked her I'd go for it.

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