Guy I have been seeing is overwhelmed in life and feels it is timing, but is still open to dating other girls.

I have been seeing this guy for a while. We instantly clicked and everything was great right from the beginning with no gray areas.

He is 30 has just moved to the city from a smaller town, started a new career where money is tight and hours are long, and has a substantial amount of debt. With this he has been stressed with not making visa payments and ended up uninsuring his car. He is at a pivotal moment in his life. I am working on establishing myself in my new career as well.

We have quite a few mutual friends and never met before we started dating. Our friends told me that he had said in the past he was ready to settle down (I feel this was before all the above happened) so I went for it because I only like to date one person at a time and someone that wants to settle usually only wants one person at a time too. They started wondering when we were going to make it "official". I then started to question too (peer pressure?) So I said to him a few days after this happened, "I know you consider yourself single, but I am starting not to". Key word: starting.

Pretty much its been a week since this question and things have been all over the place. He says he does not want to be in a serious relationship, which is fine, I am not looking for a serious one either. He also says after this he started getting questions marks and says when he gets question marks he puts up his guard. He also believes that "the one" there would be no question marks. I believe that isn't true... you may not have your first question mark until the day you get married and start getting cold feet!

I am just not okay with going on dates with other girls when everything between us is/was going very well and we are/were only seeing each other until I said what I said. I am scared. it seems just recently he joined on POF. he is planning to go for drinks with this girl it could turn to something it could be nothing, but its still a date. We communicate very well and I know all about everything with this.

He says I am "not it right now" but he doesn't block out what's in the future. He also says no one is going to be "it" right now. When I asked him what he feels it not "it" about me he frankly just says that he does not know and says it is a timing thing and there is nothing wrong with me. He knows and I know we work very well together, so what's the deal? Is it that he is so overwhelmed with moving, new job, financials etc. that he really just doesn't know what he wants?

He says he does not sleep around because he doesn't just sleep with anyone and there has to be a foundation to the relationship first. But, he is potentially going on these dates... I know I need to not be a part of it, but I am scared he will not come around if I leave him alone because he is so busy establishing his life. I know we are very right for each other, and my gut instincts are very accurate :) so how do you approach something like this without "waiting" for them?


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What Guys Said 1

  • It's not good waiting now.

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