Girls, would you date a guy who has low self esteem and social anxiety?

I'm damaged goods. My life has been a pretty rough ride until a few ago. I've never been that good at socializing, but during my teenage years, I isolated myself to the point where I lost all my friends and I still haven't recovered the necessary social skills to reconnect with any of them or make new friends. I'm a kissless virgin. I'm very quiet because I don't think I have anything worthwhile to say, I find it hard to stand up for myself and I often seem emotionless because that's the only way I know to hide my sadness. On the positive side, I've been slowly, but steadily recovering ever since the worst horrors stopped. I'm humble and will defer to your wishes. And no matter how much I hate myself, I'm very protective of other people and girls in particular. I'll go a long way to help anyone who ever showed a little kindness to me. Is there any hope for me as far as dating is concerned?


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9

Most Helpful Girl

  • Sorry no. You really need a therapist right now to work on your issues before you are good and ready for somebody else.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Yes there's hope for you! My ex was like that and was severely bipolar, which caused him to be very socially withdrawn. My only advice is to just be careful not to let your sadness or inhibitions be interpreted as you not being interested. If a girl gets the vibe that you're not into her she's less likely to respond to any subtle cues you give. Be sure to fill them in on why you are the way you are, you don't have to give every grim detail but a heads up is great so a girl knows it's not her that's causing you to act that way, they are more likely to help you recover from it all if you're more open about why you behave certain ways in certain situations.

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    • I don't think anyone wants to be overwhelmed by sob stories upon talking to someone for the first time. How would you like the guy to go about it? I was thinking I could go about it by mentioning that I'm shy, but that would be kind of a lie. I'm not a shy person, I'm traumatized and I lack social skills. Sooner or later, that will show anyway. How much of an explanation would you demand? Because I really find the mere thought of talking about it very painful, even on the internet.

    • Just let them know that you've been through a lot, you don't have to go into detail right away cuz like you said some things will come to light on their own in due time. Don't say you're shy and don't say stuff that can be taken as an excuse for behaving a certain way, say things like "I may be a bit reserved but I do know how to have a good time" or " I've been through a lot so I may not be the best at opening up and sharing my life story, but I can say that I'm very open minded and open to new things" kind of the approach of following a negative with a positive, does that make sense? I don't know if in to good at typing what in trying to convey lol

    • Well, I usually come off as rather serious, sometimes even borderline emotionless. I was thinking that "shy" would be a lot more sympathetic than that.

  • I'd definitely date a guy like you :)

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  • There is hope. You say that you isolated yourself, but your getting better about opening up and that's awesome. Some girls dont mind if a guys "damaged goods" they can help fix that to mend whats hurt or broken. If she see potential she won't give up but you both would have to meet in the middle. I had helped this guy that I dated cause he was hurt a lot and I helped him but now that I look back I just hurt him be he's with a new girl so she is mending him, but the point is that everyone can be helped.

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  • Yes, there is hope. Your situation is very similar to mine...

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  • Yes I would. It would be hard but I would try to help him as much as possible. Because I had the same problem in high school and I think we could relate

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  • Yes:) just love yourself the most !

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  • I feel for you, I am the same way, but I am female.

    So I can only imagine how you feel as a man, because men are the ones who must approach, and having social anxiety will hinder you from that.

    I would say you should definitely see a therapist because even if you do find someone to go out with, she will probably be very insecure too.

    That's what happened to me, we realize we are incompatible but now we are stuck in a relationship because we are both too afraid to leave. It's like a prison.

    I wish I fixed myself before I got into a relationship...

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  • No not really. It's cause I also have low self esteem and have social anxiety so I don't think to people with low self esteem and social anxiety would work out.

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