Can inexperience make someone that clueless in a relationship?

The guy that i'm seeing has never been in a relationship prior to me. And it literally took him 6 months (with my help) to admit his feelings for me before asking me out (again, with my help). Even before he asked me out, he is a horrendous texter. I just won't hear from him at all, but when i see him in person it's obvous that he likes me. I'll try to communicate with him, but he's a slow replyer or just stops replying. We usually see each other once a week, but since it's summer we work opposite schedules or i just won't hear from him so i dont know if he's free or not because he replies so late or is tired from his construction job.

It's been 3 months, he's introduced me ash is girlfriend, i met his older sister and his friends... but we barely talk/see each other. Is he just clueless on how to be in a relationship bc of the lack of experience or should i move on because he's not as interested as i thought he was (he chased me for so long... i dont get it).


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Most Helpful Guy

  • YES...

    That constant communication 'bullshit' ( :) ) girls need, is NOT natural for us.
    We don't care about communicating all the time and sending messages everyday, sometimes even several times a day.
    We only do it with you because we know (from experience) that you NEED it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it.

    We're not naturally aware that time deteriorates the quality of our relationship with you if there is no communication because that's not how it works for guys.
    In fact, I could meet any of my good friends after a year without sending them a message and they would still behave as if the last time we saw each other was yesterday. Time without communication has no effect on the state of male relationships.

    It's impossible to do this with a chick however. As soon as a guy stops talking to her for over 2 weeks , she immediately starts assuming the lack of communication is a sign of an underlying problem and that therefore the relationship should be terminated.

    It's ridiculous to me (but I'm a guy lol) but that's just how (most of) you chicks are and we can't GUESS it until we date you. So yeah... he is clueless.

    You should calmly explain all this to him. You're his first so it's normal you have to do it. You can't just dump him for not being a psychic if you catch my drift.

    I hope that helps.

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    • Thanks! That makes sense... I just find it weird that I could go weeks without seeing him or hearing from him and it's normal? He called me his girlfriend... Wouldn't a guy want to spend time or at least talk to the person he likes a bit more? He's like non existent to me and I'm just confused.

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    • I used to let entire weeks go, without messaging my first girlfriend because I didn't know until she started complaining about it. Doesn't mean I didn't care about her.

      Just have a talk with him, and explain him. If after this he doesn't make any effort to talk to you more often, then you will have a good reason to leave.

    • Entire weeks? :o did it just not occur to you to see or say hi to your girlfriend at all?

What Guys Said 4

  • guess yeah... he's never been in a relationship before.. no?

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    • I'm his first girlfriend

  • yes, it can.

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  • Your right just be friends. Anything can be worked out. The female I marry will never leave.

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  • It IS possible to be that clueless. Sadly, it's rather frequent.

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    • What should i do then?

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    • Sigh.

      Unfortunately, he really just doesn't get it. Be really explicit when you talk to him next. That way, if you break up sometime down the line, he'll at least know why and learn from it.

    • Thank you! I'll try.

What Girls Said 2

  • Most of my ex's didn't have proper girlfriends before me and most of them were completely fine with texting and communication. It didn't appear like they were disadvantaged in any way. I think this guy is just lazy if I'm being honest. Replying to messages or making a effort to text/see someone special or close to you is common sense. I wouldn't say it's time to dump him just yet but maybe try communicating with him that you're feeling neglected and like he's not making a effort. I get that he's busy and tired (We all live busy lives) but it's definitely not a excuse. Talking to a significant other should be a joy and highlight to you after a long day, not a chore so if he feels like it's a chore then there's something wrong.

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    • That's what i'm saying. Although, i understand that some people aren't phone people... i just dont think it takes that much effort to send a few texts every once in while or at least make plans to see me once a week consistently. I feel like i'm bothering him when i send a text and i barely text him bc of it. He either is actually content with everything or he's not into me as i thought he was and just doesn't know how to get out of it. Although if he wasn't into me, wouldn't he avoid hanging out with me when i ask?

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    • If he does not do anything from his side.

    • He will say things like "Oh we should do ____" or "_____, next weekend?" but then never follows through. That, or he's waiting for me to remind him or something. I can't tell if he's forgetful or just extremely simple. I'll try to grow some lady balls to talk to him about this whenever i see him... downside of having opposite work schedules too :/ Thanks!

  • yeah it can.

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