Am I overreacting, or is his tendency to tune me out when I'm talking an indication that our relationship isn't working?

I've been dating this guy for two months. A few weeks ago, we were at a bar having drinks and watching a baseball game. I told a story that was important to me, and his eyes were mostly on the tv screen, and would shift back to me occasionally. I asked him if he'd heard anything I'd just said and he was only about to recite the last sentence. I was really hurt by that. I told him that listening is a very important part of relationships for me, and it makes me feel like he finds me boring and doesn't care what I have to say. He apologized and assured me that that wasn't the case.
The same thing happened again today; I told a story and when I was done he was like "I did the thing again where I was only half listening, sorry." This really upset me, because we just talked about how it hurts my feelings. He's a big talker, so I do a lot of listening. When I do talk, then, I expect him to listen. Am I overreacting or is he not taking my needs into consideration?

  • You're overreacting, people just get distracted sometimes.
    33% (2)50% (2)40% (4)Vote
  • You should break up with him, he doesn't seem interested in what you have to say.
    67% (4)50% (2)60% (6)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • girls, rule #1 if you want to speak about important things with your boyfriend, don't do it during a football game (or in this case a baseball game)

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What Guys Said 5

  • Neither answer is correct. You will not like what I have to say, but given what you have told us, you are the problem. Both instances you cite you called "stories". That means long and involved. Sitting at a bar in front of a tv is not the place for that. And if you talk like that a lot, it may not matter where you do it. Everybody, male and female needs time to let their mind rest, especially after a hard day. And coming home (or wherever) to someone going on about something that is not important to you, is only going to get them to learn to tune you out. Even if you both come home from a hard day, you may feel the need to talk about your day, but if there are no serious problems with it. it is just blah, blah, blah.

    Wait till he is rested and definitely not in front of the tv. then talk with him and he will care a lot more and listen.. And definitely do not try conversing about something you want him to hear when you are out in a crowd.

    Learn to wait till there are no other distractions and his mind is not in a vegetable state. Until you learn to use the right time, it is you who is not taking his needs into consideration.

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  • The answer is neither A or B. For many males, tuning out is instinctive and natural depending on the situation. What he did was rude, but if you really want him to listen to something important you are saying, don't do it in a bar, but somewhere private with no distractions. This goes for any man, by the way, not just this one.

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  • I think it's just how he is. A good number of people are like that, it's called BEING A POOR LISTENER. My brother is like that. You'd have to tell him something like 3 times for him to register and suddenly he's walking away to take a shit or getting a drink. I used to feel angered but I realized it was pointless to feel that way, I was simply wasting my energy, it's just how he is.

    Assuming that he's just a bad listener, can you get over it and not take it personally or is that a deal breaker? Honestly, I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone like that and dealing with it every day.

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  • There's this thing called ADD. I'm pretty sure your boyfriend has it. And no, it's not a relationship-killer. We space out randomly and we never notice it until someone points it out.

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    • Hi, thanks for answering! It's funny that you say that, because I myself have ADD. Therefore, I know the signs and can tell he doesn't have it. One of the reasons I'm concerned is that I am doing a way better job listening than he is, which seems wrong given the circumstance haha.

  • Is he like this with other people? It could be attention deficit disorder. A mild case perhaps but it's not like he's not finding you interesting.

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What Girls Said 2

  • well you need an answer "C".

    It depends on what you want in a relationship.

    My brother's wife talks too much and he always ignores her and doesn't listen to what she says but he ended up marrying her anyway. I guess she doesn't care cus all she cares about is being married, and doesn't really care that my brother never listens to her. He even told me he just plays video games and ignores whatever she says. I'm sure eventually they'll fight about it because they just got married but right now she's so desperate to get married (she's 34 and they got married last month) that she doesn't care. And he doesn't care either.

    So if you want a mediocre relationship, stay.

    If you want someone who respects you, leave. But know that demanding respect also means that you have a higher chance of being single.

    It depends on how important your integrity and self-worth is and if you need a man in your life to validate who you are. There is nothing wrong with that, most women are like that. And most men are like that too. It's just your decision the kind of life and relationship you would accept.

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  • if he is always doing that, it seems pretty disrespectful

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