Should I focus on my career first or getting girlfriend?

I feel torn. I want to focus on career first but sometimes the loneliness is thick. The only way I cope is drinking tons of alcohol and acting creepy online. Should I just go ahead and get a girlfriend already or wait till I get my career first like I originally planned?

If I actually did get a girlfriend I might fix up my life a lot and leave this God forsaken website once and or all while I'm at it.

  • Career first
    72% (129)68% (119)70% (248)Vote
  • Girlfriend first
    11% (19)16% (29)14% (48)Vote
  • Other
    17% (30)16% (28)16% (58)Vote
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I guess I'll just try my hardest to establish my career first before putting myself out there. I want to make it to graduate school at least before I go out searching. Then at least I'll have some kind of stipend.

A lot of people said I should do both so I'll try that too but it just sounds really hard. I find it easier to focus on one thing at a time but I'll see what I can do.
I features this question a few days later my apologies y'all..

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Does it have to be one or the other? I mean, certainly plenty of people date and work on their career at the same time.

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    • It seems hard to me but I can try

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    • I am sorry, I wasn't referring to you in particular when I made that comment, I was just stating in general to someone else comment.

    • Good luck

What Girls Said 47

  • At your young age, definitely your career! Can you imagine how hard it would be to find a nice girl... then suddenly your job moves you to another state and she can't go with you?

    Get settled with your life first, and then find someone else who is settled as well so you can ENJOY sharing a life instead of juggling all the stress of not being at least semi-settled.

    If you are lonely, I get it. It doesn't mean you don't have to have fun with women or people. Plus, you have to be happy with yourself SINGLE, before you can be happy in a relationship. Otherwise, you will end up making that other person responsible for your happiness which is a huge red flag.

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    • hmm ok thanks lady... I think it's a juggling act but getting the career down first will really help me in a lot of aspects of my life...

  • Other.

    Firstly, there is no reason you can't have both. But it depends what career you are trying to do will depend on your chances of having and keeping a girlfriend.

    Career: doctor. Most girls would love to be with a doctor. Rich, don't have to worry about appointments, intellectual, probably in good shape, etc. But, going through the education is full on and so much studying wouldn't leave for much quality time together.

    Career: mechanic. A real manly job, down and dirty, one of the lads, strong, can hold his own, no more hefty garage bills. He doesn't go through the intense training, but he's very practical, and will be tired from a days work.

    So both men could have a girlfriend. The doctors will be long term after, the mechanic can probably achieve both at the same time.

    But really... when it comes to relationships, it just happens most of the time. Don't put your career at risk because a girlfriend isn't always forever but you do need to earn money forever. Just.. don't close the door, okay?

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    • Thanks Miss P. I'm trying to get into graduate school for science. So I feel like it's in between doctor/mechanic. Not as busy as a doctor and not as maintenance as mechanic. Grad school is supposed to be busy like med school so it may be hard.

      If I can't get into grad school I'll just have to do some bachelor's level work. But anyway whatever I do I should learn how to balance... thanks again you're right I shouldn't close the door like I've been previously doing...

    • Thing is it happens when you least expect it and relationships shouldn't be work. You should be able to have some time for her but having a relationship isn't a full time occupation.

      Just go with it. Everything happens for a reason.

  • Why not do both! I have a boyfriend but I am totally focused on university, and so is he! He supports me in my dreams and I support him, there is less financial stress because I only have to pay for half the rent, groceries, bills, etc . Plus we push each other t6o do better and support each other when we really need it. When I second guess myself he's there saying "try your best! I believe in you and you will regret it if you don't try!"

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    • Yeah all these guys saying I should get a career first but sometimes wish I had a loving partner along the way. I'm going to keep myself open towards finding her thanks!

    • I always though I'd be single until I was in my mid twenties and had a stable career but it just happened and he encourages me so much! good luck

  • I don't see why you can't do both. Do you know how many people focus on their careers only to find that they missed out on trying to find someone when they could have done both?

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    • I will try to do both but focusing on my career sounds like such a consuming task because I want to get into graduate school and it's supposed to be almost as busy as med-school...

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    • @chitty_advice thanks

    • @chittyadvice you are right I need to get acquinted with the real world thanks

  • You should enjoy life and love is an amazing part of life lol. Careers are just a way to pay your bills, don't make it your life and don't put your life and experiences on hold for it. That's just my opinion because I used to work a lot and go to school at the same time and I missed so many moments and experiences that I wish I had back now.

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  • focus on whatever makes you feel happy

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  • I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. Not many people put as much effort into getting a girlfriend as they do a career.

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  • It isn't bad to focus on your career first, but you definitely shouldn't put getting a girlfriend on hold. Just be more open to the possibility that while you are pursuing your career, that lucky girl might come along when you least expect it. I knowthat it's difficult to decide. Good luck.

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  • I do the career thing first - just makes more sense...
    Otherwise you might end up having some sort of girlfriend but never realizing your true potential concerning your career path - the more educated you are and the earlier you put yourself out there - the better your chances are.

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    • Well yea... love is just around the corner; at least you're somewhat financially stable before actually putting yourself our there.

    • yea career comes first but I'll keep my eyes peeled. I need balance

  • I think you can do both. Find a girl who's also working on herself /Job or doesn't mind you working a lot.

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  • You can have both. You just have to find the balance between them and not let one interfere with the other too much. If you had to choose I would say career, but I understand wanting love and companionship too.

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  • Career, you'll probably meet your girlfriend along the way

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    • Hopefully...

    • If you go to college I'm sure you're bound to meet someone. But maybe work on yourself first so you don't feel the need to have a girl fill the void.
      If you had a career maybe you wouldn't feel lonely?
      Don't drown yourself in alcohol, hang out with friends or do whatever hobby you like

      Also Stop being online so much, you'll never meet anyone if you dont step out into the real world

    • I graduate college and I found no one.

  • Can't you do both, at the same time?
    And nooo don't leave!

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  • The one doesn't exclude the other you know. You can have both if you just keep focussing.
    I must say you should first fix yourself before getting a girlfriend. Make some friends first to get rid of the loneliness. You can't make a carreer without friends. Everyone need company.

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    • I have a few friends but they are too religious. Americans are so religious. I feel like not having a job hinders finding a girl...

    • ok but thanks for your advice. I agree one doesn't exclude the other.

    • Yeah I never got that problem. I've only had one religious friend my whole life and the only thing that was different was that she couldn't hang out at Sunday. That was it. So I can't relate.
      You should have a solid friendgroup you hang with at least once a week.

  • you could focus on both your career getting a girlfriend

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  • Maybe you'll find a girl while going for your career, I mean then at least you'll find someone interested in what career you're focusing on, or someone who could go through those things witth you. Goodluck mate and watch that alcohol consumption!

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  • Focus on both, why do you have to choose one or the other?

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  • well, you already selected mho, but I 'd like to say my opinion. Do whatever makes you happy. When you want to do something, you always find free time for it

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  • Vote A = Your career = Women, like men, are abundant + easily replaceable :)

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    • But I don't like going through partners like you

    • (laughing)
      I have "dates" NOT "partners"
      My original opinion remains as careers are where we all unfortunately will spend MOST of our time.

  • Lol trust me after you get your career and money. Females will come running.

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    • yeah that's what I was planning but the interim is so emotionally taxing.

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    • This isn't necessarily true so don't trust her

    • This may be true, but who wants a gold-digger?

  • Get both honey. I know how it feels. Focus on both its possible

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  • don't complicate things... come on we can all do multiple things in the same time as long as they don't affect each other in a bad way.
    having a good girlfriend is not that bad ,,, you can give her time like what you are doing with your career
    i helped the i'm in love with a lot since we are students he wasn't that good studying but now he is different he is like "MORE SUCCESSFUL " i pushed him to do his best and i was there whenever he needed me.
    don't spend all your time hanging out with your girl but don't forget your heart needs when you are aiming for your career and learn how to manage your life gathering every thing into it love career family friends and everything

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    • yea I need to learn how to balance

    • I don't understand how a girlfriend can perturb your career believe me it's not that difficult to "BALANCE",,, it's not like you will spend all your days in a date or something ,,, take it easy man ,,, you can have a nice talk with her , go out "sometimes" with her for example in week-end ,,, but give the most of your time for your career ,,, i know it will be a little bit at the beginning but handle with this you are already 25 and i'm sure that you will find a way to manage with this.. and give it a try if you see that you are not doing well you can ask some experienced persons more than me ,,, told you i'm a university student and i'm "HIGH RANKING" even if i'm having a man in my life that didn't affect my study at all... GOOD LUCK

    • yea you're right I'm 25 haha I should be able to balance...

  • focus on personal gain always when you do the right person will come, you can't just get a girlfriend the right people will come in your life at the right time just focus on you now

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  • welp, if you have a girlfriend it can be more distracting and harder to focus on a career or schoolwork. i'd say go for the career, and the rest will fall into place

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    • Yeah that's why I find focusing on both hard... But sometimes I drink so muwahahaha

      I'll just find a balance.

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    • I featured it late

    • ahh i see. i think focus on your career, and you'll probably find an awesome girl in the meantime!

  • If you don't have a career how can you support bae much less your kids

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  • A good career can get u a good girlfriend! Lol

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    • Golddigger much? If a "good girlfriend" is with you mainly because of your career she isn't so "good" after all.

    • Lol I was just joking :D I think u shouldn't focus on one more than the other cuz they r both important to a persons future. I think u should focus on ur career bc it will help u in life and take some time when ur free to meet a girl and when uv met her, if u like her, ull find a way to focus on both. If u really like her ull a
      Want her in ur life no matter what so ull find a way to jugle both

    • thanks that makes more sense

  • Do whatever makes you happy :)

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  • can't you do both?

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  • Without a career, how are you going to impress your future girlfriend?

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  • Career definitely.

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What Guys Said 73

  • Well let's say you spend the next 4 years focusing on your carreer, then you will be a 29 year old virgin and any girl in your age range will have likely had relationships, one night stands, and fuckbuddis in her past. You will be waaay behind and will have missed out on dating and experimenting if you end up settling with the first girl you date. Also she'll probably be partially interested in you for your money. So I'd say either try to date now, Or if you do wait until after you've focused on your carreer, DO NOT settle down with the first girl you meet out of desperation.

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    • I agree I need to work on relationships skills now totally. I can't just focus on career all the time

  • Bro, I am doing this at the same moment. Im caught between career and women (I hate the fact that women can just focus on career and get men to come to them but men have to work at both... rant over... anyway): I find the key to a good career is connecting with people (networking/socializing), and promoting your talents. When you get into a manager position, you have to be assertive and have confidence. So its not a question of whether you should focus on two separate things, but rather look at it that your work is going to be the key to girls and not in a money sense. If you focus on getting good on your career, it should make you more successful in all other paths.

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  • No career, no woman in your life and even if one does come by life will probably be miserable for both of you UNLESS it's a lucky break. But will a man be able to live with the fact that he's not fulfilling his basic nature of being the provider?

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    • yea I need to make money quick if I want a girlfriend...

    • The idea shouldn't be I want to make money quick IF I want a girlfriend but I want to make money quick to care better for my girlfriend :)

  • Why not both at the same time? It's better to focus on your career first but it would be a shame if you miss on an opportunity to get a girlfriend during that time. We are never in control of how or when we are going to feel mutual strong attraction. You might never get the chance to get a decent girlfriend once you finish your career. let things come into your life naturally bro :)

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  • Being in a relationship isn't a garden full of roses, as you may think. In most cases, it is hard work that consumes a lot of time and effort for no reason or purpose. Anyway, to answer you question, I think you can do both simultaneously. I don't think they interfere with one another, in most cases.

    As for your closing sentence, I never understood the people who are on this site just because they are single. Why would someone stop using the site after getting a girlfriend/boyfriend?

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    • I agree it can be hard work maybe I should ghold off a little longer till I have more money thanks for your input. I can try to do both but it just seems daunting to me is rather focus on one ata time.

      Also leaving this site is just an option I may or may not.

  • My advice is to start working on your career NOW. You need to get it on track as quickly as possible, but while you are working on that - review your options. It'd be a bad idea to get a girlfriend before finsishing working on your career, because she could become a distraction. Put yourself out there! Go make female friends. Start dating around. Like i said, review your options. Maybe one of those girls will still be around when you have your career on track.

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  • I say career first. You don't want a girlfriend man, fuck that.

    Get your career in order, cash out, and get some ass.

    You're lonely right?

    So would you rather fill that void with an annoying parrot? Or a bunch of different girls who want to tend to your genitals?

    Get all the fucking out of your system before getting into something long term. You don't want to end up breaking up at 30 with regret, wishing you just would have stayed single and baneed a bunch of bitches.

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    • See that's also what I'm wondering I feel like sleeping with a bunch of girls will still just leave me empty inside but I can't say 100% for sure

    • But what I'm saying is use your prime years to get all the ass you can.

      There's no guarantee the next girl you find will be your wife, actually, she most likely won't. So after a break up, you'll be looking back at those wasted years and think of what could have been.

      I'm not even saying stay single to ONLY fuck a bunch of chicks, but to just enjoy the benefits of the single life.

      Then after you've had your youthful fun, you'll most likely be in your early 30s. And single women at that age are are desperate for a life partner and love. So that increases the chances of success, since you'll both be matured and ready to focus on a relationship

    • It's definitely an idea I'm not sure if I personally can do it but I'll think about your advice hank you

  • Take whatever life throws at you first, and pray about the other one. I know some say career, career, career. Then, you end up lonely and rich, and all you can attract are heartless gold-diggers. Or you can be like me. I kept trying to put relationships first. And found myself with little money, flaky bitches (at least one of which turned out to be a full-on criminal), and only broken dreams and a broken heart to show for it.

    Sometimes, no matter what you do, life will simply f* you over. All there is to it.

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  • Well to be honest it's up to you both of those things can help the other, getting a better career will give you more confidence, more money make it easier to actually get a girl but you could focus on it for to long and not get around to it.

    But getting a girl can make you want better yourself for her but it could also inhibit you as well. Of course you could work on both at the same time as well, and balance the two out.

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  • You should deal with your loneliness.

    Atm you're not dealing with it in a healthy way.

    The thing is, a girlfriend isn't the optimal cure for loneliness. Why?

    Because at some level, women are mean pieces of shit. It's not deliberate, it's in their biology. They want a guy to take care of them, not a guy using them to cure his loneliness. Vulnerability is attractive, but neediness is very unattractive.

    Which is why I think you need to get some irl friends who won't be repelled by your loneliness.

    Once you feel like you have a support network, get a girlfriend.

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    • Or maybe just follow your balls and get a girlfriend. See how it goes.

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    • Thanks muspelhem_5 I think you are a good man and I always appreciate your opinions

    • Likewise. I feel like we're on the same page :)

  • Bro, along your path to a prosperous and fulfilling career, you might me a special girl =)
    I say leave yourself open to the opportunity of dating, but prioritize your career above all else, for now keep an open mind and heart while you finish your journey

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    • thank you i will keep my eyes open

    • If you feel ready for a relationship try dating websites, speed dating event etc
      that way you can see all your options

      You got this bro!

  • You can do both! If married couples with kids and two working spouses can make time for dates, you can do so as well.

    As the saying goes... you make time for what you feel is important.

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  • I think you should first concentrate on your career. What is point of having an unstable career, not being financially secure, its okay if you don't have girlfriend you can live your life if you are financially secure and have a stable career but if you have love/girlfriend but not a stable career then what's the point, right? I am not saying you shouldn't have a girlfriend, what I am saying is prioritize your career first. Hence establish a career for yourself and then you can decide on other things

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    • You are right the career is the priority but I need some balance and keep myself open to a relationship as well. thanks for your input

  • Career is necessary in life. A relationship isn't. Then again that's just me. If finding a girlfriend is really important to you then focus on it.

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  • I've been putting off trying to mingle with females because if me trying to build a career... but the lonesome gets to me bad sometimes.. It hurts! Sometime I WISH i had a girl by my side supporting me and helping me achieve greatness.

    I Also have an extreme urge to be supportive of a SO's goals and be loving towards a SO... I would say career first. But from someone that has put his career first, It can be very lonely :(

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  • For all the successful people I have met marriage have been a great support for them for their careers, but I think they were really lucky when choosing their spouses.

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  • You should never focus on getting a girlfriend. If you're actually dedicating time to mating you're wasting time.

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  • I'd say find a girl Coz even if u get ur career and all the good stuff and when u get old u won't find someone besides u, id say get a girl first

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  • Career! A girlfriend will come, unless you really think she's the one, but careers almost always are once in a lifetime opportunities. Plus, if you are established girls will find you to be more attractive

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  • You can lose lots of money chasing women, but you will NEVER lose women chasing money.

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    • Interesting advice thanks you

    • Not necessarily true. Chase a good job, always. Chase only the women who are of value and are what you want, and not many woman repeatedly who have wasted your time before.

  • You can do both at the same time friend.

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  • I think the reason lot's of people said do both is because most good relationships come when were busy doing something else. You're more likely to meet someone with common interests and goals on the road to a career than just by looking for a relationship.

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  • Pursue both.

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  • Learn to be happy alone without a girlfriend and get that career and during or after all that you might find someone but desperately searching or drinking to calm your thoughts aren't healthy decisions

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    • I just need to balance both, it's hard to focus on just career all the time...

  • Career first bro your a smart guy the sky is the limit for you don't let your talent go to waste.

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  • You can do both at the same time! But career is more important! Plus a good career oriented person with a vision for the future can be very attractive to many girls!

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  • To be honest the "easy" answer is career but I know exactly where you're coming from because at this current moment in my life I feel the same.. You want to build a life worth living of course BUT you want to build that life with someone that has value such as a female partner... sharing your accomplishments, female companionship, someone who will chat you up in tough times.. Someone who just UNDERSTANDS your journey. I get it, I know where your coming from all too well. Ultimately you have one life to live but putting your hopes and dreams on a female may derail your future.. I've seen females halt peoples potential because they focused to much on a girl but I've also seen the right female and the right timing elevate a male. I myself have the same decision to make hopefully we make the right one of the better... cheers.

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  • how about both

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  • The first few lines of what you wrote in your details should be telling you what you need to be doing.

    To me it sounds like you're only interested in having a girlfriend because you think it'll help you with your loneliness.

    You could get a new hobby, meet the new people and make new friends... all these thing will help you feel less lonely.

    As a man you need to be centred. You need to feel good about yourself, which you aren't at the moment.

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    • I can't actually say I'm lonely, I'm just longing for female companionship. This site makes it worse but I've never really had a girlfriend and I'm still young but not as young as I used to be

    • There you again, you're "longing for female companionship". That screams desperation to me. What happens if you do find a girl to hang with and date and you become lonely then because she's not giving you too much attention (maybe she's busy), I bet you'll just increase contact with her and not give her space and she'll ditch you.

      Like I said before, you need to be centred and happy with yourself.

  • If you're not even sure if you want a girlfriend then why try to get one. You need to have a career more, so go with that.

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