Should I stay or should I go?

I'm 32 and my boyfriend is 34. We've been dating for 2 years now and living together for over a year. We have a nice rental house, a cat, a joint bank account and live like we're married. In the beginning of our relationship we were both very open about our desire for marraige and children and I thought we were on the same page. We talked about how our rental house would be a great first home to buy (which was great because we were actually talking about the future for once) but later I brought up making a plan to save money so we can have a down payment when we decide to buy a house one day, and he froze up and acted like I was crazy for talking like that. This is a big red flag to me... why can't we even talk about our future? I've tried to bring up marraige and kids and he refuses to talk about anything with me. He immediately gets defensive and shuts down. Now I'm completely frustrated and sad. I thought we were on the same page. I'm 32... I'm worried I will miss my opportunity to have kids! He just says "one day." It feels like he's not interested in marraige anytime soon and my biological click is ticking so loud now. I love him so much and want to start our future but he seems to be happy with what we have now and wants nothing to do with marraige and kids anymore. Do I wait patiently for him? Do I move out? Do I move on?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • living together and having kids doesn't imply necessarily marriage. Marriage is a big turn off for me now.
    There are little benefits to marrying a woman these days but lots of risks. The guys has great chances of losing child custody and half his money. It's a rip off.

    If he's not into marriage I understand, but seems like he has been dishonest about kids though... Maybe you should give him an ultimatum.
    You want kids which is fair enough at your age, and you want them soon. If he doesn't feel the same, it's time to take off. :/

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    • That's what I'm wondering... if he's changed his mind about children.

      What kind of ultimatum do you suggest?

    • Maybe say that marriage can wait, but kids can't because you don't wanna be a grandma when your kids to to college so either he makes up his mind within X number of months (you decide how many) or you'll leave.

    • At the same time I just realised it's not so much about the kids because you don't even have a house... but you also said he doesn't seem to be into saving for a house.. so that's kinda weird as well. Second red flag lol.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't know my first thought is that his pause is more financially based. How are you planning to pay for the wedding, the ring and the down payment soon? Will your parents help?

    Does he have any debt or bad credit? Things sound nice in one day but one day does come quickly. He might be having stress or job security issues he is too ashamed to tell you about.

    If your body is screaming for a baby and you are progressive maybe baby then house? Maybe it isn't financial but that is what it read like to me.

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    • We're pretty financially stable. He just got a big promotion at work which I know has added a lot more stress on him lately. I'm not really looking for a big wedding... it's about the marraige not the wedding to me. That's a good point though. Maybe I put the cart before the horse talking about the house first. I didn't think it would be a big deal though... just a thought to talk about really. Thanks for your insight.

What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • go please it will happen at some point

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