Dating a Republican...

I'm a 22-year-old woman living in NYC. I was born and raised in Manhattan. I'm also a Republican and I'm finding it very hard to find someone in my age range that even holds a few right-wing opinions. I don't mind dating a Democrat at all, but they don't respect my values so it never works.

My question: do you guys cross-party date? How does it go? I'm curious =)

Updates:
The depth of negativity that I have received from asking this question ("do you guys cross party date?/How does it go?") has been astounding. From what everyone can read I have been accused of being ignorant and stupid. It's not nice and it's not right.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm a moderate, so I'd like to think I get along with a wider range of people. : )

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What Guys Said 43

  • Heh, I've always wondered what it is about political values...

    There's a girl I got along with really well at my college and we flirted a lot, there was that tension, you know etc.

    So I kind of was a little bit late making a move but I kind of openly discussed the possibility of dating her with her. We sort of said, "I don't know if it would work but you are def. a possibility." I put it in the back of my mind at the time but later I kind of started to realize that she's a really cool girl.

    So a bit of time went on and then I asked her out and she politely turned me down, saying we are just way too different. I took it well and didn't get needy - which is good because we got to have a mature conversation about it - but I did ask her what she meant by that. She said that our values were just too different (we do come from really different backgrounds). When I replied, "Of course, not to be pushy, but you know those are the times when people meet halfway," she said...

    "I'm sorry, I... just can't imagine dating a liberal! I mean, you just gotta understand, I LOVE Jesus, and I..."

    (...?)

    Ok so I don't actually identify myself as either liberal or conservative. I do come from a Unitarian Universalist background, so I'm not what you'd call strongly religious, but there's not a chance that I wouldn't respect religious values in a relationship. Now, I'm convinced that it was more than just that at play here. Of course, maybe it wasn't meant to be. But I think that if we found out we were didn't mesh, it wouldn't have just been "liberal" / "conservative". She just wants to be with someone that understands them, which isn't too much to ask. But instead of seeing past our differences, I think she was just afraid that I wouldn't understand her.

    Now I've been exposed to a lot of different people in my lifetime. I've lived in the suburbs of Nashville, in the small-town house of my Korean grandparents, in the mostly-Hispanic Annandale, VA, the very liberal-white and rich Arlington, VA, and the very conservative-white and modest rural VA. I will be moving to either NYC or LA soon for my career. I come from a bi-racial family. Wherever you are, chances are I've been there. I won't say that I "get" everybody and I don't "get" her now. But who knows, I might've if she let me try.

    I mean in this world there's everything from conservatives intolerant of liberals and liberals intolerant of non-liberals (they say "intolerance of intolerance" but that's bullcrap and we know it). But it's not that anybody dislike people not like them. People are just afraid that another person won't accept who they are and that fear is what breeds animosity and in some cases, hate. There's 6 million ways to live out there. All you've got is yours and all they've got is theirs.

    We're just looking for someone to understand us in this world. It's nice to be seen how we see ourselves, after all. Anybody can do that if you let them try, but first you gotta let 'em.

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  • I hate talking about politics. Id probably avoid any1 that's overly political. Mainly cause I have no faith in a 2 party system and people who tend to lean one way or the other will never waiver in their beliefs. They don't respect what others think they only want to change it so you think like they do. Whne people say to not talk about politics and religion that's why.Peopple aren't open minded to even entertaining another belief or idea that theyre not accustomed too. Its not impossiable, I guess it depends on their commitment to the "cause" You'll just end up having pointless debates about moral political things and resort to petty squabbling about best interests every 4 years.

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  • I apologize for the ignorant and foolish answers you've received. It is unfortunate, but very few people are confident enough in their worldview (including politics) to converse with people without becoming hysterical in some way. People get overly defensive of their ideas because they've yet to think them through and own them. In modern American politics, a lot of people borrow convictions to make themselves feel like they have something to identify with, whether politics, religion, etc. Frankly, few people really understand what they claim to believe.

    I would not encourage you to date someone who holds a different worldview than you, because it is the basis of enjoyable and intelligent conversation, which is one of the pillars of a strong and productive relationship. If you can't talk to someone about meaningful things without getting into an argument, what kind of relationship would that be? People are too afraid of that which is different from themselves, and they act that fear out in violence: verbally, emotionally, or physically.

    When I was younger I was briefly involved with someone who held more liberal politics (I don't affiliate with any party, but you could say I lean towards Libertarianism), and she drove me crazy. Primarily because she never thought it through, so she provided no reasoning. Of course she wouldn't listen to my reasoning either. In the end I was spinning my wheels trying to pry some logic out of her, but it was fruitless. You'll ultimately find that the real issue here isn't politics in and of itself, but the philosophical ineptitude of the modern American that causes the conflict.

    Be patient, you'll meet the right person in time.

    -Count D.

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  • I'm not a Republican but I am very conservative. I don't think the "dating is not about politics" answers have really been very helpful, as they seem to kind of miss the point. Whether you tend to hold to conservative or liberal values really can say a lot about your personality and what you believe.

    Personally I probably *wouldn't* date someone who is much more left-winged than "moderate", not because I don't like liberals (and that's where people here have missed the point) -- most of my friends are in liberals -- but rather because they tend to hold to an entire different outlook on life, values (often including relationship and family values), and how things should be. The question being asked is therefore a very legitimate one. It is a question that has nothing to do with whether or not you like or can get along with someone who holds to different values, but whether that difference in values between the two of you is great enough to prevent you both from seeing eye-to-eye enough to really grow closer together beyond that friendship level.

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  • Remember in Ghostbusters when Egon said that crossing the streams is bad? Well dating across party lines is something like that lol.

    I will do it because I think that we have more in common than what divides us. That is me being optimistic. I have dated a few women who were Republicans and we never had any problems. I think that was mostly because even though I have my views, I understood that they had their views and I respected that. It may help the relationship, but you and your partner don't have to think alike when it comes to politics. What matters is that you respect each other.

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  • I hate to say it, but crossing party lines in dating is very very difficult. It's not beacuse of differences in opinion toward most policy issues. But there are some issues that are very polarizing between the parties and that have social ramifications. A pro-lifer dating a pro-choicer. A bisexual dating a marital purist. Animal rights, capital punishment, globalization, military interdiction, and even religious background tones speak to the overall personality of the person. Differences there can indicate a general mismatch.

    It's best to seek out GOP boys. Just volunteer at a couple HQs and you should get some initial contacts.

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  • lol of course I "cross-party" but it never really bothers me for the most part. I'm very open-minded which is probably why. A lot of Republicans are in some form of Christianity so if you are into that as well go for it. Although religion usually get's caught up in Republican values. As a Democrat, I probably couldn't date a hard core Republican so I guess you have a point. It's a pretty interesting question.

    -MaxPrime

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  • Cross party dating between Democrats and Republicans isn't a big deal. The key is when they have different opinions on social issues. Basically, if one's a liberal and the other is conservative it can be a problem.

    As a liberal, there's no way I could date someone who wasn't also liberal.

    I guess I find it problematic that much of politics revolves around social issues. I don't like religion in government policy. Écrasez l'infâme!

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  • I have an acquaintance at work that is so liberal he actually thinks there is some sort of justification for limiting the freedom of speech... especially if it limits dissenting opinions about our current President in Training. He USED to be a friend till he made that statement and I dropped his ass off my friend list.

    He is married to a woman that is about as conservative as they come. Not quite the Ann Coulter level but close. And SHE is a City Council Member! (We live in the Deep South by the way)

    I often wonder HOW these two ever had three kids? I guess sexual attraction is the fuel that makes Politics and strange bedfellows a reality huh?

    Anyway, this response is less about sexual and platonic relationships than it is about saying... HOLY CRAP! A CONSERVATIVE WOMAN IN NYC? How did THAT happen?

    Keep up the fight lady. Good luck in finding a conservative guy up there. If it gets TOO hard for ya, come on down to Greenville SC. You'll be RIGHT at home!

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  • I don't think a conservative woman would want to present me to her parents... XD

    Nevertheless, I had a R C bishop in my family XD (I never met him: when my parents didn't marry in the church and didn't have me baptized there was some feud in our family, growing even worse when I did the same 30 years later. Family members I'd known since birth stopped talking to me. They all died without seeing our child. And that's 'liberal Europe' . I don't try to imagine how it would be in the US of A. LOL.

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  • It's because you live in New York, they're almost as bad as Massachusetts as far as being left-winders.

    I'm pretty much middle of the road, I take views from the right and the left that I think are good, yet I live in the most liberal state in teh country.

    Go to Texas, or Nevada, they tend to be the most right wing states.

    Even New Hampshire is mostly conservitive, though more moderate.

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    • I don't really think much about politics when I'm trying to get with a girl, I have a high tolerance level for someone's beliefs.

      You see, everybody is still mad at Bush (and rightly so) so everybody is bowing down to President sh*the- I mean Obama, typical human behavior.

  • I'm a pretty big lefty but all the girls I ahve dated were fairly apatheitc to politics but came from Republicna families. It never was a problem because it never came up much. As for values, I'm actually fairly conservative in that area I guess, I mean in my personal life, if that's what you are looking for. FVor example I think gay marriage should b legal, legalizing weed, etc. but that doesn't mean my morals line up with all my political views. I'm also pro-life even though I vote democrat. You just have to make sure that their isn't anyhing that will put a division between you or him. Find what's really important to you and then only take those htings into consideration, let everything else fall to the wayside.

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  • I don't think it's so much to do with political affiliation, as it does your natural mindset and tendencies. If two people are mature and intelligent enough, they won't let stupid politics come between them. Some people are inclined to prefer conservatism, while others are on the more radical side of the spectrum. I would be concerned as to why you make it a note to bring up politics when it comes to relationships. Politics and religion usually don't mix well with the dating scene. My suggestion would be to consider a person for how they get along with you, not by their political party.

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  • Good question. I planned on referencing Mary Matalin and James Carville, but as you said, the issue of politics are more volatile than they were when these two met. You said the same about your parents.

    Our generation sees things in more of a black and white issue for some reason. The "I'm right, you're wrong" mentality clouds their vision. Neither side is always right, yet if you ask someone around our age, most would probably think otherwise. I also think its that "get along, go along" concept that angered Thoreau at play. People try to fit in with whatever group they are in, so they lose the ability to think for themselves. Sometimes people only focus on a couple of social issues and fail to see everything as a whole. I think people of both parties have more in common than they think they do unless they are far left/right.

    Anyway, I think its possible, because politics shouldn't be the only thing that matters in a relationship. Good luck!

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  • im at the same as you most the kids our age are democrat and its impossible to find but 1-2 other fellow republicans ur best bet is not talk about politics keep it too the side and talk to your friends about it but not who your dating because some people that's a huge turn off and can scare them away fast... my grandparents were cross party my grandma was democrat gpa was a republican and they were married 50+ years until she passed away a few years ago. so it can work just don't make it a make or break issue

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  • Dating a Democrat has been very non-noticeable for me. I think politics in any relationship is a bad thing. I do however, believe in morals and personal beliefs.

    It's best to find someone who shares your strongest views. Having different opinions doesn't mean your not meant for each other. Learning to compromise comes with the relationship territory.

    So can Democrats and Republicans date? Of course, but it's a matter of maturity and respect for ones opinion.

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    • Agreed, I know plenty of happily married couples made up of a Democrat and Republican. Just look at Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver! I strongly think that in a healthy relationship, both people can have very different personalities. I think it also boils down to the sense of values that you share that's the most important thing.

  • It'd probably be difficult for me to date someone with strong political views in any direction, simply because I'm pretty much all over the place.

    Just as one example, I want the government to stay out of my face whenever possible (is that right-wing?) which of course precludes any and all interference/interest in my sex life (is that left-wing?). It all feels totally internally consistent to me, but then party lines seem to split everything up into arbitrary divisions that have no relation to the way I see the world. No matter which way I vote, I'm always voting against people who support things I support...

    That makes party-politic people, people who actually identify as "I am X predefined category and all the rest of you are wrong," whatever their party/denomination/flavor, seem mildly insane to me. Not great dating material...

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  • I've had the same problem. I'm neither a Dem or a Republican and I really don't want to date anyone who's at either extreme. Living in DC, it's hard to escape all that right-wing, left-wing nonsense. There should be so much more to a relationship than that. Good luck in your search!

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  • I'm a proud 21 year old republican...and I'm tired of meeting the same types of people in college...all flaming liberal hippies, who wanna see everyone save the world by going green.

    Most democrats are hate mongers...if they don't accept your views they hold it against you...They act like they are very openminded, but as soon as someone has an opposing viewpoint...they switch personalities and go into @sshole mode.

    I'd cross party date...politics will not get in the way of me getting to know a girl.

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    • Memebers of the supposed "party of tolerance" aren't so tolerant, are they?

    • Noticed that all right, I'm more of a libertarian my self but liberals, are not that liberal and they are self righteous. Of course republicans are living in the stone age with their weird religious crap and outrageous biased views toward women and minoritys they will never be taken seriously with a bunch of voodoo crap like that going on.

  • I have no problem dating outside my "party". I think that variety is the spice of life. Debate is healthy and maturing. Just don't let debates turn into arguments. It's perfectly fine to disagree, especially about social topics. How boring would it be to have a partner that agrees with everything you think. That would be a nightmare for me. Conflict is healthy, you just need to be mature enough to keep it a debate. Good luck.

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  • A agree with what a lot of people have mentioned. It seems to be only be a big deal when it comes to social issues. Foreign policy rarely leads to an argument in the bedroom ;-). I've done it, but I wasn't happy with the result because her values were more liberal. I have been with a few girls that were quite liberal, but shared my values, and we got along great, though. It just depends.

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  • My grandparents were republican and democrat, respectively. Why not get involved in a political organization? Being a Republican Party volunteer is probably the safest in a personal sense, as a moderate Democrat, I find many of the non-centrist republican groups to be downright scary in their beliefs. Good luck !

    If I wanted to meet other democrats, I might join habitat for humanity, started by Jimmy Carter. There may be similar organizations started by ex-republican presidents that would also make good starting places.

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  • lol most of the young liberals I've met are some of the most dogmatic and self-righteous human beings I've ever come across. I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with someone like that

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  • only old fogies who like the way things have "always been done" and are homophobes are republican. I'm suprised anyone at your age is republican without it being forced on them.

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    • Interesting. Because I am not heterosexual. And I also reported your offensive comment.

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    • I'm sobbing. No, stop, please. Your comments are... they're a waste of my time to read actually! You're full of negativity, man. It's not even worth my time to write you this sentence.

    • Guess his "negative comment" didn't bother any of the powers theat be--it's still here.

  • does it really matter. My dad was a libertarian leaning republican, and my moms practically a socialist (okay just really liberal), but they were happily married, so I don't think its a big deal. You just got to find someone who shares your views, or if they don't just find someone who respects your views and values. It can work, love overcoms all

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    • I definately feel that. My dad is a lefty, my mom is a righty... and they're about to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary! At the same time I feel like politics are slightly more volatile and (perhaps) more personal than they were in the 70's (when my folks met). I also just had a thought that if you can joke about your beliefs and not take yourself too seriously then it doesn't matter who you talk to because you know, at the end of the day, that you both have the best of intentions.

  • Keep it a secret; talk about things that are unrelated to politics on a date.

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  • Why don't you move down south? they have more republicans down their or google a republican dateing site...I'm liberal my self and just can't date republicans I still respect them as people but I would never date one..

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  • From personal experience it would be VERY stupid of you to date across party/ social lines. I tried dating a liberal democrat and we just ended up arguing about the dumbest thing. Needless to say I won the arguments because I had common sense on my side and all she had was her idealistic utopia. My suggestion is, in such a dark blue area, maybe you should start looking elsewhere for a guy.

    Good luck, and stay strong, we'll be back in power in less than a year.

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    • "we'll be back in power in less than a year.":-O Are you considering revolution, armed revolt or civil war?

    • Well, it figures, two Kennedys got killed, there were two murder plots against Obama...

  • i think political bieliefs have no place in a relationship it is a recipe for disaster it is a lot like religion both democrats and republican have their place and good views but not in a relationship you should enjoy each other for who you are

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  • You can't date someone that refuses to see the truth or is blindly ignorant or sees the truth and refuses to adjust to reality but reather lives in a state of denial.

    Find a good Republican...their out there...

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 9

  • I don't think you're ignorant or stupid. People like to have common interests. It helps them to not only understand each other better, but with something like party politics, it ihelps to avoid conflict. With people who are far right or far left, there can be problems, but a lot of people are falling in the middle these days. If you date someone who is not affiliated with your party, give it a try, but if you find there's too much conflict and you don't feel comfortable, let him know. If your opinions and values can't be respected, he can't respect something important to you, and therefore, can't get to know you as a whole person. Stick strong to your values and soon enough, you'll find someone who can either respect them or share them.

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  • It doesn't really matter. the right person will love you and support you no matter what your believes while still retaining their own. Everyone can just forget about right wing-left wing bullsh*t and fall in love with a person, not a political status. Hope this helped!

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  • My husband and I are both Republicans he's 23 and I'm 19 so there are men out there who have your beleifs you just gotta look! However, before I ever met him I cross dated and really I had okay experiences. You just gotta find someone who respects your ideals and is willing to talk about them. I mean at least find someone who can agree to disagree with you respectfully. Sorry you've had bad feedback on this. I don't know you just as much as these people don't know you. And from the the little information you gave I don't see how anyone could say you're ignorant since it was a genuine question.

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    • Well actually we are libertarians but you get the point lol

  • I understand what you mean about wanting to date someone with the same beliefs; however, its not bad dto date people from another party. Its a great way to give you an open mind and help you learn about other people. I'm a republican who lives in the south which is pretty common. Most kids around our age are democrats and some change over. Focus on gettting to know the person first and don't dwell too much on the politics,

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  • I'm with you girl. Too many people are too liberal & don't respect anyone who is conservative. Of course we have to respect them or we are evil, but if they disagree with us they are doing the right thing. Makes me sick...

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  • hold out for the right guy for you, don't settle

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  • "Nah, girl. I don't agree with you, but it's all good. Also, I'm not too thrilled with your use of the word "stupid", but that's on you. If you enjoy that word, you should use it at your disposal. - 21 hours ago"

    Well enjoy your small boring world and ignorant life then. I'm sure you will, they do say ignorance is bliss.

    Thanks for the advice about the word 'stupid'... I don't particularly enjoy it, but when it fits it just fits. I will use it at my disposal, you know, like any other word...

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  • LOL! at 22 I think it pretty stupid to have STRONG values when you hardly even know what life's about, sounds to me you've been listening to mumy and daddy too much and THAT's probably why guys you've dated don't respect your 'values'. Not the actual values themselves.

    At your age you should have your mind, ears and eyes open, not blocked by values you insist upon by the age of 22.

    This is just a silly immature question... you should be hungry to converse and be in a relationship with people with different values, listening to their ideas, talking all night about this, not looking for people with the exact same values and feeding off each other so you can feel you must be right.

    It's really not the way to go ...

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    • Nah, girl. I don't agree with you, but it's all good. Also, I'm not too thrilled with your use of the word "stupid", but that's on you. If you enjoy that word, you should use it at your disposal.

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    • I agree that people should be open minded (at EVERY age, not just when you`re young) but I think that, up to a point, it is best to have values at a young age.

      You can always change and develop your beliefs, and I think that works better and provides more life experience than remaining a blank slate until the right moment does.

      How can you develop and grow if you don`t have anything TO develop and grow? You have to try things, and see how they work, and THEN change if it isn't right for you.

    • Agreed, I object to the use of the word "strong" associated with her values.

  • Thats so funny! I'm also 22, Republican, born and raised in NYC. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have gotten into arguments with guys over politics. I was a government major in undergrad and I'm getting my masters in public administration so I tend to be into politics more than other people are. From my experience it seems like the guys will cross-party date, but the views will cause problems in the relationship. Even though some people might think political views arn't a big deal while dating it actaully is because in day to day life your views DO come out in situations. I agree, it is is very hard to find someone who has some right-wing opinions. The majority of people I know are Democrat!

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    • Girl! I was getting my MSW at Hunter Social Work and let me tell you the WHOLE cirriculum is based on the assumption that everyone is a liberal. It's pure indoctrination and, I have found, refuting it is an unwelcome uphill battle. In fact, it seems every institution of "higer learning" these days assumes that the left side is the "correct" side. I found everything you said to be right on point. It's hard to find anyone who you won't come into conflict with as a 22 yeard old Republican in NYC

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    • Haha! Well I just started so I have a LONG way to go with these professors. Nope I was going to go to Baruch but it was a last minute decision and they needed GRE'S which I didn't take.

    • You're supposed to express your views, that's what university is for, you debate and if you have an open mind you learn from the debate.

      There are far too many kids these days that think they know it all.

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