Guy afraid to move things forward?

So fell for a friend who I work with. We have so much fun together, he makes me laugh, and he’s always been super sweet to me: paying for me, bringing me “cheer up” gifts when I’m down, listening when I needed to vent. He also flirts with me like crazy, and would really ramp it up when other single guys were around (he even tried to talk me out of going on a date with another guy). But the problem is, he doesn’t want to take things beyond friendship (we’ve never been physical), in spite of the fact that when I brought it up he admitted to having feelings for me too and admitted to sending me mixed signals. His reasoning is that we work together (we work for the same company but in different buildings), and also that we have “too many mutual friends” and the “collateral damage” would be too much if we broke up. Additionally, one of our aforementioned mutual friends told me that this guy “wouldn’t shut up” about how much he likes me, but the friend also said that he has severe self-esteem and confidence issues, and that dealing with his insecurities in a relationship would be a lot of work.

Realizing I was just setting myself up to get hurt, I told the guy I wanted to take a break from hanging out for a little while. He reluctantly agreed, but then started making it a point to walk over from his building to visit my cube, sending IMs saying me “don’t forget about me”, and flirting the way he used to. It’s like in a sense, he doesn’t want to date me, but also doesn’t want to let me go. It’s confusing and frankly, I’m having a terrible time moving on. I’ve been on countless dating sites, gone on numerous dates, but nothing has worked out. My feelings aren’t going away and it seems like the situation will not improve anytime soon. I'm doing my best but could use a fresh perspective.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I honestly don't understand that behavior. I can understand the flirting, but not to that level. It sounds like he may have some confidence issues, or there's some other issue.

    • Yup I don't fully understand it either :/


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What Guys Said 2

  • He sounds sincere to me

  • Never go fishing off the company pier... ever

    • I always was of a similar mindset but in this case we work for a pretty big company. We used to work more closely but then he moved onto a new program in a different building and we now have no work-related reason to see each other during the day. The only way I see him is if he decides to take a break and walk to my building to visit. Do you still think the "working together" thing is a viable excuse in a case like that?

What Girls Said 1

  • Well the fact that you work together is a big no no. I see where he's coming from he just Genuinely sounds worried but there's a chance it will work. You'll have to talk to him and ask him if it's worth it... If he says no then cut off all contact