Dating several guys, getting busted several times. Should I feel guilty?

HELP: The worst part is I can't really talk to any of my friends about this because the tinder app is invoved, which I wouldn't like to admit and I'm slightly embarrassed about. I'm afraid they would judge me.

I was crushing on one of my gym's receptionists and finally got to go out on a date with him. We never got on another one because we're both so busy (which I'm kind of relieved about because I like him, but I think he likes me more and it wouldn't feel honest to keep going out with him), but we always flirt, he compliments me a lot and he's a really good and sweet guy.
The other day I went out spontaneously on a tinder date with a guy I'd never met before. He turned out to be a bit weird and I didn't feel like we were connecting or anything. EPIC FAIL: We walked into a restaurant where the gym receptionist was sitting with a male friend. I felt so ashamed and guilty, and the next day at the gym I felt like I had to justify myself to him and so I did (only I lied and told him he was an old friend). He'd indeed thought he was my boyfriend...

Then this week a really good male friend of mine from far away (whom I had dated before) turned out to be in town. I was really busy so I had to reeschedule several times and, finally, on the day we were supposed to meet, something happened to me and I ended up in emergencies at the hospital, so I told him and cancelled my appointment with him. That night I was going on a second date with another guy from tinder (also really sweet and nice), and since I was feeling well enough after the hospital, I did. EPIC FAIL: My visiting friend saw us. And today, when I finally met him, he told me and acted all hurt awkard about it.

Now: I've never even kissed any of these guys, I've just been on dates with them. (I'm even still a virgin!) Why do I feel so guily and dirty? Should I even feel guily? I just want to meet people, have a good conversation and see if something ever flourishes... What do y


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that you probably feel guilty because you did lie about it. There's nothing wrong with dating more than one guy, there's not really monogamy when it comes to casual dating, but you should always be honest. You should always make it clear that you're not just dating that one guy and you should draw boundaries to show that you're not yet boyfriend and girlfriend. It's when the people involved aren't aware of what you're doing that they get hurt.

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    • Thank you, this is really helpful. You're so right.
      I guess it's just hard to be honest like that because there's always the fear of hurting people. And on the other hand, I kind of seems arrogant to explain myself like that on a first date like "hey, I's so sure you're gonna end up liking me so I better tell you right away I'm seeing other people"?

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    • Yeah, I understand what you're saying :) I know that it sucks to have to turn round and do that, because they can either then decide they want nothing to do with you or they think you're arrogant. It's definitely not nice to do. I just think that it's a lot nicer to be open about it and give someone all of the information so they can decide whether they're comfortable with it, rather than to keep it to yourself and possibly hurt them. I don't think what you did was wrong, I just think there were ways your guilt could have been prevented if that makes sense! :)

    • Thank you guys, that's actually REALLY helpful

What Guys Said 7

  • if you feel guilty why do you keep doing it?

    I think you feel guilty because you are realizing that in some way (whether you are or not) you're kind of leading these guys on OR you feel bad because you feel like going out with different guys is misleading.

    I think you should feel alright about what you're doing; however, if you don't maybe you should just try dating one guy at a time.

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  • It's fine to have a variety of selection while sating several people, but you probably only feel guilty about it because you lied big time about it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating more than one guy, since I know that usually people goes to countless relationships or dates in order to find that special person for them. Just be careful and take it easy

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    • Thank you for your honest and respectful answer. That's how I see it as well.
      I've never had a boyfriend before, fist time I ever kissed anyone was 2 years ago at the age of 20. I think it's the lack of experience what gives me such a hard time trying to figure out how to handle dating, what's right or wrong. I mean, from the first date with the guy from the gym to the second one with the guy from tinder a whole month had passed without anything happening.
      Thanks again

  • you should feel guilty aand dirty you led these guys on, lied to them, and got their hopes up only to shoot them down on a whim.

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    • Ok, but how exactly did I lead them on?
      I just went on a date, two at most, with them. How is that leading them on? I didn't even kiss them, or hold hands with them or even told them "I like you". Does meeting up with someone automatically equal leading them on? How am I supposed to find someone if I don't go out with them? Or are you saying that I'm supposed to reveal my dating life to each one of them right from the first date like "hey, I'm dating you today for the first time and Sunday I'm going out with another guy, hope you don't mind"?

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    • Ok, but the thing is this: after the first date I asked him out on a second one. He cancelled and never rescheduled. A whole month passed from that first date with the gym guy until the tinder date when I got "busted". It's not like I went out with that guy on the same week. I don't know...

    • Doesn't mean he lost interest you shouldve asked or stayed in contact.

  • Nothing to worry about, you are just exploring, as you said" I didn't kiss any of these guys, it's alright to explore love!

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  • Well, how DO you feel?

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    • Guilty as hell, that's why I'm trying to figure out if I've done something wrong or am just exaggerating in my mind. Like I said, I never kissed them, nor held hands with them nor even told them "I like you".

    • Then why feel guilty. You're not committed to any of them. You're dating. Do any of then have any reason to think it's more than that? If not then nothing to be guilty about. If they do turn clear that up.

    • Thank you!

  • Honestly it's good you still have some sort of conscious alive, to make you feel guilty even though what you did.

    I would be worried the day you start feeling perfectly good about what you do.

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  • You're a player and no one likes that. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't want to date you anymore.. And why would you do that receptionist guy like that over your tinder dates? This was a guy you saw constantly and met naturally, yet you wanted more and more, and now you've screwed it up. This is the type of shit that makes me so aware of girls behaviors and to really keep my eyes open

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    • Because after the first date I asked him out on a second one, which he cancelled and never rescheduled. A whole month or more had passed from the first "gym date" until the first tinder date when I got "busted"!!

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    • No no, the date he cancelled was a MONTH before I ever got on a date with anyone else.

    • Fair enough. Either way, you are playing a dangerous game

What Girls Said 2

  • Damn girl! You got several dates on deck for the same day? Someone's popular lol. Okay s yeah that kinda sucked to do that to the guy , the whole I can't go out then going out with a dude later that day I mean he has every right to be upset.
    That said you need to be honest with these dudes so they don't think you're exclusive, but not yet right now you're casually dating that is perfectly normal to see more then one person at a time and you shouldn't feel bad about it or like you're hurting them
    Except dude you cxancelled on then Dan into at night that one is pretty bad

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  • Oh, so you're just fishing around? You don't have to feel too bad. Not like you're official with any of them. Your question made this seem much worse than it really is, lmao.

    But hey if you're interested in one guy, why are you bothering with Tinder? Do you have commitment issues or something?

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    • It's just that I need time to get to really like someone. Since I don't have that much experience in the dating world, and I'm still a virgin, guys intimidate me sometimes. They get too intense to quickly for me and that overwhelms me and makes me shut them off like some kind of protective instinct.

    • You're scared. That's understandable. But you should at least try to be open with the guys you go out with, make sure they know you aren't looking for anything serious. Be explicit about that so you can avoid lying and uncomfortable situations.

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