Insecure or inappropriate staring?

Right, I will try to make this as short as possible. I've been with my guy for 2.5 years (on and off), we don't live together and see each once or twice during the week and every other wkd. I love him, he loves me - we're great besides I had a tough childhood and I have strong trust issues and social anxiety - which he is helping me through. My issue is that what is the acceptable level of guys staring at other women when out with their gfs? I do know it's natural for both sexes to notice and look at others. If we are walking around somewhere my boyfriend will notice and glance at attractive women, I don't particularly like it, but it doesn't bother me too much. What bothers me is if we are stationary (restaurant, park, bar, among crowds) he ALWAYS selects someone he finds attractive and will constantly stare at them the whole duration, to the point the women notice and return looks his way. Now this I find rude and disrespectful in my presence. Yes he will notice but to repeatedly stare and stare and have eye contact to me he is making it known to them he finds them attractive, despite me being by his side. I'm not very confident and this effects my self esteem as I compare myself to those he's looking at. I have mentioned this too him, he says he doesn't realise or mean to stare like that and he has no idea he's doing it. It maybe me being childish but if we're holding hands I will remove my hand as I feel like an idiot standing or sitting there. Some women he stares at even give me that 'smug look' as if to say he finds me more attractive. I am already insecure about going out/crowds and this is now adding additional stress as I'm worrying about the next staring episode. He's a great caring guy, I love him but how do I deal with this? It's effecting us going out. He's almost 40 and was married for 17 years, and had not slept with many women, could this also be a factor - that he hasn't 'shopped' around. Or is this due to my existing social anxiety and low confidence? .


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My boyfriend DOES THE SAME EXACT thing!!! We are in the same boat! We could be talking and he will literarly stare and then I will completely stop talking and then snob or make some irratating sign. And he will act dumb and be like "What?" I just got so sick and tired of it and just say " What ever. Shut up before you ruin the day."

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What Guys Said 2

  • Personally, anything beyond a 2-3 second look would be inappropriate by my standards. Now, granted, I have very high standards. I place an inordinate value on politeness. I'll take it to a fault.

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  • I have see women looking at me. Never anything wrong or offensive. And when they say something to me some time afterwards I believe she liked it.

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What Girls Said 1

  • It's because of your social anxiety and low confidence. Try to improve your physical appearance and be more confident about it so that you have other men looking at you in his presence.

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