What do you think of being honest & authentic in dating?

Hi everyone, recently been thinking about this question.
Just the matter of being friend zoned by my crush few years back, makes me started to think that:
''it's almost impossible to translate from a friendship (guy n girl) to a romantic relationship, because it may cause awkwardness between both parties, which may lead to losing it.''
Johnny Berba (If you know who he is), is one of the most authentic honest person teaching in pickup& dating. And I DO agree with his opinion on it.
Somehow, when i meet a girl, i put my intention out there, something like, ''hey, i think you're cute (maybe i didn't compliment her at first), but when you're free? I would like to take you out sometimes.''
Where my best intention was put out there.
Some girls may say, ''let's see how.'' , ''i'm free on Monday,'' etc
but most of them reply me shortly, didn't answer my texts or calls at all.
I'm not frustrated, just kinda look at ''this is not my problem, it may due to those girls' thinking.''

I would like to know girls' perspectives on a guy who's trying to be honest & forward with their intentions.
Thanks for reading!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I know you asked for the opinions of girls and I’m sure you got plenty. But let me give you the opinion of a man who was pretty successful at meeting women. Honest and sincere is exactly the right approach. Remember, you don’t want to just meet girls; you want to meet one girl that is right for you. How can you expect to do that if you do not present yourself as you really are?

    The key is numbers. Dating is a contact activity. The more contact you make, the greater your chances of success. And you need confidence tempered with humidly. I am fearless. I will walk up to ANY woman and begin a conversation. But I am always humble and respectful.

    Guys always think there is some slick line that will get them over. Wrong. You know what the best line is? “Hi, my name is ________. What’s yours?” From there you ask how their day is going, where they are from. Maybe you complement them on something they are wearing and how nice it looks on them---but only if you really like it.

    The kind of girl you want will always respond better to earnestness than the most savvy persona.

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What Girls Said 14

  • No... It's not them, it's you. Well, your approach. Unless you're high status or Adonis incarnate, women don't like a man who admits right away that they find them attractive, but not for the reasons you May think.

    Coming up and immediately kowtowing to them (essentially) and their beauty puts you in a submissive position, and very few women want or respect a submissive man. Secondly, it gives us a sense of superiority - all we did was stand there and we've already got you; we will look down on you and consider you're being in the weaker position (to varying degrees, depending on the person). Thirdly, you're imposing on us - now we have to spend energy doing the song and dance of putting on a polite front and are presented with the issue of having to reject you, and how, which we don't like to do. At all. That could explain why they said yes to your face and either didn't follow through or didn't respond afterwards.

    I honestly hate it when guys do this. I've had guys I was eyeing come up to tell me how gorg i am aaaaand my attractions gone. Girls are human, just like you, and we put more value on something if we've earned it or worked for it. If you're not sure they're feeling you even a little bit, then you're just making it awkward by starting off with an outward appearances compliment. Make us wonder and wait a little bit! Seriously!

    Here is when to approach the ladies: 1) if you think she's interested in you, ie, would welcome your advances, 2) if you are going to give a non-physical compliment! Be specific "I really liked your poem, especially _____ because Of _____. I'd never thought of it quite that way before."3) If you can Be light hearted but do NOT try to tease her right away - you ain't that close and this isn't elementary sch. Be casual, polite, and respectful 4) she's feeling left out or uncomfortable so you white knight in to keep her company, 5) you have self control. The dark and mysterious moniker didn't come from nowhere. If you hand over control to us from the get go and show us all your cards, we will be bored, and you will be placed firmly within the friend zone.

    The nice guys who don't finish last know how to pace themselves. You seem like a genuinely nice guy so I hope my at times tactless advice sheds some light and gives you so me alternatives.

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    • It's not putting myself in a submissive position because i compliment her. It's because i came from a place of love by sharing what i thought about it to her. Love is about GIVING and expecting less returns.

    • But you do want something in return - you want them to continue communicating with you. If you were just complimenting them to be kind or from a place of love, you would not ask them for their phone numbers. Yes?

      I respect your right to disagree with my assessment - I truly do - but take caution in the perspective you're going with, which is where YOU are coming from, ie, "I believe I am not being submissive, therefore I am not submissive." When your actions are predicated on the response of another person, it is not a vacuum. It doesn't matter what your intentions are. It matters how you are perceived by the other party.

      That was the point of my post, actually - to exercise forethought in order to achieve your goals and present yourself in the most accurate and flattering way. Think job interviews. You're not being disingenuous - just clever.

      Either way, just know that if you deny the importance of perspective, your outcomes may not improve. Good luck.

  • i am direct and i prefer direct but i like getting to know guys before getting involved. its not awkward for me to go from friendship to relationship. its awkward or me to date as stranger. so its fine him being honest but id say i want to be friends first. :) if he pretends to not be interested then i won't keep him mind as a boyfriend,. so its best to be honest.

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    • For me, friendship is a ''grey'' area.
      It's either im attracted to a girl on the first sight; OR i will simply see her as a platonic relationship.
      Physical attraction is still a MUST!

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    • For me, I don't rush you to be in a relationship just because you're attracted to me.
      It means that we both hanging out, doesn't guarantee we're going on an exclusive manner.
      ''I'm going out to have a mindset of seeing how this girl acts towards me, do we have chemistry together etc.''

    • yeah but see i dont date bc i dont like the feeling of being sized up. it makes people act fake. im friends then after a few months if we like each other enough to be in a relationship we try it. i just find dating stressful and superficial. thats me:)

  • It helps if they're direct cause that then allows me to be direct too. I actually have a lot more respect for that kind of guy, i feel like it makes them seem more like men and less like boys.
    In terms of the whole friend zone thing, i don't like fake friends and if a guy is just pretending to be interested in whatever i'm talking about in the hope that he might be able to fuck me one day, well he better not hold his breath.

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    • Yeah. I agree with you, ''fake friends'' are just kinda want to get into pants with sneaky sneaky way.
      Ain't good...

  • I like when guys are straight forward with me. If they tell me things straight up I automatically am more likely to keep things straight up with them. So basically if you let me know you might want something more I won't friend zone you

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    • I like your attitude, you're 19 only glad u to have that kind of mindset!
      I can see most women in their 20s are playing lots of mind games, by NOT KNOWING what attracts them inside.

    • Thanks, I find it better that way.

  • I love a guy who is honest and authentic! me and my boyfriend started dating very close to a year ago, and we were best friends before that point... We both weren't sure if we were ready for a relationship, and were scared of loosing out close friendship to trying something more, but he was always honest with me

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  • that's how things should be

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  • you are going about it the right way. I cannot stand it if a guy likes me, and doesn't have the guts to speak his mind. I love having his thoughts stated clearly. And if I'm not interested, then I'll tell him "I'm sorry, I really appreciate it but I'm not interested" Knowing up front that a guy likes me and wants to date me, is seriously the idea situation.

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    • But most of the girls do not exactly say ''im sorry, im not interested'' to the guy ON THE FACE lol...
      they'll do subtle things like not replying calls, texts, or even giving bunch of other bs excuses...
      ain't good too, i like to meet a woman who is honest as me!

    • No they do not, because most girls... don't get me started xDD Most girls and I do not see eye to eye xD

      I understand completely, you deserve a woman thats as honest with you as you are with her. I hope you find you one.

  • Honesty and authenticity should be what you aim for; anything less is just game playing.

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  • i think thats a great approach!

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  • I want a guy to tell me his intentions before I would agree to even talk to him about going out. To me a guy who is trying to be honest or straight forward with his intentions is the best kind of guy.

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    • Thank you. Not telling you his intentions, but SIGNALLING his intentions lah LOL

  • Everyone should do that or w wouldn't have so many people clueless about who they are seeing or pursuing

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  • If i had everything my way, i would like to become good friends with a guy and after i really know him, i would start getting intimate. Especially because it takes A LOT to warm up to me before i can date a guy. I hope guys don't confuse that with being friend zoned in the future. I know it is generally a good thing to be straight forward but with my personality i think it wouldn't work as well to just ask me, if i'm not already comfortable with you, to dinner or a date or just going straight to what they want. (A relationship with me) pretty unlikely a guy would hit on me or be interested in me, and even more unlikely he would want to be my friend first... Aha but that is just me. For most other girls i think it would work better. If i was easy to open up, i would like to go fast. Sadly i like taking relationships slow. Relationships aren't important to me anyways. Sorry j babble 😁

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    • it's not taking A LOT to warm up before you can date a guy, it's actually taking A LOT of time to TRUST a guy before you can actually sleep with him. I agree with you taking relationships slow. It's just like a metaphor of a child slowly revealing the mysterious love story. The more anticipation she has got, the more excited she'll be willing to hang around with the guy.

    • Yeah i mean trust is always nice in a relationship but i literally won't show an once of personality unless i am spending a lot of time with them, figuring them out while we dive deeper. That is just for me, and it aplies with making friends too. But yeah i just need a lot of time to warm up and get comfortable with them. Just me.

    • And sleeping with a guy never crosses my mind at all beleive it or not. That thought won't occure unless i am SUPER SUPER close with him and he is as close as family at that point. Unless i am not looking for a relationship.

  • I wish guys would be upfront and honest. If the last guy I was with had been I would have been left hurt and wondering what I did wrong.

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    • Thanks for your comment!
      I always LIKE to date older women like you (30++)
      they're more matured, upfront with their feelings, and being able to hold a conversation!
      As a younger guy like me, it will be easier for me to listen to them! lol

  • That's how it should always be

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What Guys Said 19

  • I really don't feel comfortable with the idea of asking a girl out until I know her pretty well. I guess that's uncommon?
    I didn't ask my crush to hang out til about half a year after I met her, which was about three months after we started becoming friends.

    I don't know... my parents were friends until they started dating so now I feel like I can follow that path too. It just sounds better. I'll see what happens with my current crush, and if we don't end up dating, maybe I'll try just asking girls out quickly in college.

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    • Attraction is not a choice, as a man we have to take the risks. Ask the girl out the moment you find her attractive. Cause you want to get to know her IN PERSON asap. If she accepts, wonderful, cause you both have the same intentions. If she declines, you ain't wasting your time on ONLY ONE GIRL.

    • I never really think of asking a girl out until I've known her for weeks and I talk to her consistently.

  • Honesty is always the best policy and you want to always be yourself. You’re only going to be able to fake it for so long before the real you is going to eventually come out. The right person is going to like and accept you for who you are.

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    • A quote says, ''before you accept others, you must be able to accept whom you are.''

  • I think that being authentic and honest is required to avoid future trouble, the girl must know what she's getting into.

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  • It's the perfect approach, but you have to accept that not every girl is going to say yes. That's ok, because there are lots of single girls.

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  • Isn't that the only way it should be?

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    • Some guys are just being nice, and don't want to change their approach even though they've failed a lot lol

  • I think you need some middle ground. Most girls aren't open to dating total strangers, but they aren't open to dating their best friend either. I think your best bet is by not making your intentions com

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    • (Got cut off) completely clear, but instead maintaining what i like to call a "flirty friendship". If you don't tell her your intentions, and treat her like a friend, then you will get friendzoned. But if you spend less time with her, and talk to her in a more flirtatious way, building up trust and attraction at the same time, you are more likely to be successful.

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    • you haven't explained talk to her in a more flirtatious way if im spending less time with her?

    • Basically just give her lots of compliments. Throw in hints like staring at her, brushing up against her when you are close, doing favore for her, create "moments". Basically, just make it as obvious that you like her as possible, without actually telling her that you like her.

  • Yeah, you should be straightforward in communicating your romantic and or sexual desire. Other than that though, you shouldn't be honest. You should downplay your emotions among other things.

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  • One advice. True and honest. It's not WHAT you do that matters. It's HOW you do it matters. She must feel that romantic vibe from you. You think you are the only one to ask her out? No.. right? Then how does she choose whom to go with? She chooses to go with the one she feels attraction for. Who knows HOW to press her buttons. Who knows HOW to carry on the conversation. who knows HOW to keep her interested. It's all a matter of 'HOW'. And you'll learn it by experience.

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  • it's always da best in my opinion... better than being fake, and pretendin u r sth or some1 u r not... otherwise chances r u'll end up being doomed

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    • Lol yeah, the guys that portray what girls actually want and that actually get girls are the guys that are doomed

  • I'm shy and maybe not forward, exactly, because it takes me a while myself to know if I want to take a girl [or guy] out, but I am honest about myself, and about what I think of them, and when I'd ask a girl out I'd do my best to let her know what I was interested in there and what my intentions were.

    I see that some people are talking about how women don't want a submissive guy, and to be honest, I'd be doing this more with guys anyway, and I'm very definitely submissive. If honest means submissive--I mean, YES, I'd be telling her if I thought she was attractive...
    Oh, well. I don't really care cx

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  • If a girl is being fake or dishonest, I'd lose interest.

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    • Yes. Girls who are structured, playing mind games, don't follow their true hearts, manipulate you thinking you are able to know what they know by giving you SILENT TREATMENT SUCKS!!!

  • Yeah, it's about being yourself, but also about being your best self. The self that is excited about life, is confident and happy with himself as a man, and has a lot of fun/contributes a lot.

    We all have lazy/loser sides. We can indulge in them, but they aren't attractive.

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  • I think honesty is one of the most important things in a relationship

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  • Yeah I don't really see why people pretend to be someone they are not

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  • Thats the building block of the relationship

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  • take me as I am or not at all : )

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  • Gotta love all the girls lining up to say "ya we love honesty and straightforwardness!" Then run off to play games hoping a guy will chase and chase to show her how awesome she is.

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  • Thanks for mentioning Johnny Berba, I just watched his videos I really like his approach I'm going to try it.

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    • Yeah, he is one of my best youtube coaches, i like the way he approaches things and lives!

  • I don't get your question being honest and authentic is always helpful

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