Is it weird that my fiance saved me from getting raped?

On my 18th birthday I went for a few drinks and on the way home this guy hit my friend in the head dragged me into this door, pulling of my clothes
Thankfully this other guy saw it, called the police and then essentially tackled him and hit his head against the wall

He waited for my parents with me at the hospital and I went by his place a few days later to say thank you, so we kinda stayed in touch and eventually started dating

That was 5 years ago, he was 28 at the time by the way
So I recently started seeing a psyhcologist again and told her the story and he was a bit perplexed about us dating. He said if he had known me then he would have advised against it, because he doesn't think it's a good way to start a relationship
And it's for sure not the first people reacted that way. We usually say we met in the grocery store because it's a very personal story, but when we do tell people they're often like "Oh that's... interesting "

So I don't know is there anything wrong about this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is absolutely nothing wrong with or weird about this. Unusual? Yes, but that doesn't mean it's bad. Just an uncommon way that a couple meets. And again, there's nothing wrong with or weird about it. The only way I can think of to do this justice is to call it "heroic".

    Is that all they say? "That's interesting"?

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    • well it depends on the individual obviously but ya I feel most don't know what to say and don't want to say something bad.

      My parents were like that as well. I think they would have rather I married a doctor or a lawyer

What Guys Said 18

  • People have met in violent situations and gotten married. There are people who met at the Boston Marathon bombing and 911 bombing, and have gotten married.

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  • I find it very hard to believe your psychologist made that statement as it goes against nearly every single core rule of the code of professional responsibility within the field. Hell, it is the first thing we learn during our first year.

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    • what statement and what rule?

      It was obviously part of a longer conversation that I took part out of here. But essentially that is what he said. And even my psychologist at the time it happened, I think felt a bit uneasy about it

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    • Your fiance is an awesome guy and he clearly wants the best for you and is able to protect you and your family. What more can you ask for? Find another therapist though :/

    • @asker You have to understand that on top of the core rules I must follow I also have my own personal code of ethics (per say) and I will not break or sway any treatment you may/may not be getting by saying anything that could collide with what you are being told.

      All I will say, however, is that there is a major difference between illusory happiness and attached happiness based on equal partnership. From what you have said, it appears you fall into the second category so you should be happy about that and not concern yourself with anything else.

      Consider it this way. Let us say for a moment that your psychologist (if he/she is licensed even) is correct and being with someone would "remind" you of the event. Does that not also mean that he/she (the psychologist) is a hypocrite for counseling you on the issue? Point being, this individual is either extremely flimsy with the rules of how to approach issues or has a very high personal opinion of themselves.

      You're fine!

  • I think its kinda sweet. Kind of like the old "Falling in love with your knight in shining armor" type of story.

    Anyways, i don't see how it would be a bad thing. If anything, it could create a stronger bond between you guys.

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    • That's what I always thought as well, but I think that's kinda where he sees the issue.
      I mean a lot of guy always complain about not wanting to be the knight in shining armor, right?

    • Pffft. I'd love to be the knight in shining armor. I'd get all the fair maidens! I don't see why anyone would complain about that lol

  • I'm no shrink, but I can't really see the problem. Maybe the shrink means that your judgement was impaired because you were in a vulnerable situation? I don't know, I mean, I feel like he did something good and if you two love each other, does it matter?

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    • ya he said something like that. About me being vulnerable and relationships should start out equal

  • Nothing is wrong about dating someone who rescued you from something... People are just stupid and judgmental..
    Ignore them...

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  • Your psychologist sounds overly-feminized and spineless if that's what he believes. Remember that you're with a real man.

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    • How does it make him overly-feminized and spineless? He wasn't saying that him helping me was wrong

    • You said, in response to someone else's opinion, that he said that you guys not starting out unequal is a bad thing.

    • well ya he said he would be afraid that I always feel like I would owe him, which puts him in a position of power that he could easily abuse, especially with him being much older.

      Something like that anyways

  • An experience like that can create a strong bond between people. So I do not see anything wrong with it.

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  • Why would it be weird your fiance saved you from getting raped? I don't think you would have preferred to be.

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  • Is it working out? Yes? Then just tell ur psychologist to eff off. And ,,,, when u get in arguments with him , never say that that psychologist might have been true since the beginning.

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  • i really don't see an issue with it honestly. If he's a good guy then why not?

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  • No there isn't anything wrong with it

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  • Weird? He's a hero what is so weird about that? lol

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  • Howis that weird? is what any sensible man would do

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    • Well he said something about equality being important in a relationship and us not starting out equal

  • I don't see anything weird about that

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  • Not really at all.

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  • Why its gonna be weird its a good thung that you two aee made for each other!! :)

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  • What city did the rape happen in?

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  • Your shrink is probably not stupid, and was probably concerned that you may have these feelings out of some "hero worship" effect, which may wear off after some time ; and realization that your boyfriend is not a "superhero", but just another normal human being who did something incredible (saved your life). I'd say - if you have come to know this person, and love him for who he is - and not what he did for you - then run with it and be happy.

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    • can I not do both? Love him for who he is but also for what e did?

What Girls Said 16

  • your psychologist is a dick head.. dumb ass.. for me.. it looks likes a interesting story.. like you are in a relationship with your hero.. like spiderman you know.. he always saved his girl.. dont lose this guy.. lose the psychologist though...

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  • It doesn't sound weird to me unless they knew each other and set it up. Then it would be a bit strange. But I don't see anything wrong with it. But that's my opinion. If you two are happy together then why not stay happy together? Best to ya!

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  • Do you think you owe him sth? This is why you are with him?
    Then it can be weird.
    Otherwise if you know him by heart, you like him as he is, it is not weird.
    Things do not start sometimes as we want. Yours is unusual. That is it.

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    • No, I don't.
      At first maybe and I am grateful of course but I don't constantly feel like I owe him something

    • so you do not need to worry
      your psyhcologist just wanted to check you if you really like him or not i believe

  • No I think it's awesome that he saved you! Just as long as you know why you love him and not just because of the whole "you're my hero" effect.

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  • I don't get why people make a big deal of how people who are in love met. I don't see anything wrong about it. It seems like he was meant to be there at the right time and perhaps it's because you guys are meant to be together. If you guys love one another, than there's nothing weird about it

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  • Weird? Why the heck would that be weird? It seems like you both were meant to be. You're soul mates!

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    • Well he said something about equality being important in a relationship and us not starting out equal

    • Well, sounds like your psychologist is an idiot. He doesn't make any sense.
      Follow your heart, girl. Do what makes you happy!

  • Why on earth would that be weird? It's more like fate.

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    • Well he said something about equality being important in a relationship and us not starting out equal

    • Sounds like your therapist is an idiot. There's nosuch thing as "equal" in a rrelationship just mutual respect.

  • in my opinion it's your therapist that is the weird one.

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  • That is so dignified of him!! And an amazing love story :)

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  • Well it isn't like the traditional 'we met at the coffee shop or work" kinda thing but it's not a bad story because he did save you so he's kinda like a hero.

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  • If you get married what are you gonna tell your kids if they asked how you met?

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    • I'm not sure, but when they're old enough to understand, I think so, why does it matter?

    • It's an odd way of meeting someone and rape is a terrible thing to go through.
      Some people might try to spin it around asking if you're dating him since he's the rapist. But honestly, good for your boyfriend, it would have been so much easier for him to walk away but be risked getting hurt to save a stranger. He should be proud

  • No I think it's really sweet but yeah if you told me that in the street i would be uncomfortable

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  • That is one of the most ridiculous things I think I've ever heard.

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  • If you look at him and it only reminds you of that night, it might not be the best idea. But if he absolutely makes you happy then screw everyone else. You live your life with him. As for the ones who don't know the story you can always just say "He was just in the right place at the right time I guess.". Do what makes you happy, not others.

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    • Well sometimes looking at him reminds me of that night. I actually have a very vivid memory of the first time I saw it. A lot of people say everything happens so fast, for me it was the opposite, everything seemed to happen in slow motion.
      I remember being terrified and also feeling relieved, so anyways it does remind me sometimes but I feel lucky more than anything

    • If he reminds you of the good part of that night and not the bad then it's perfectly okay. If he makes you happy, don't let people tell you "uh your relationship isn't healthy" cause guess what it's YOUR relationship so like I said screw them. Just be happy with him.

  • Nothing wrong with it at all! Your psychologist is an idiot. If it doesn't bother you, remind you in bad way, and you don't feel like you owe him/doing it because you feel you owe him then I wouldn't worry about it or others

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  • It's a sign you're soul mates

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