Guys, he's just not ready to date right now... is it legit or an excuse?

I actually brought it up because we got close and talked all the time like a couple, yet he wouldn't ask me out. He would talk about it, but wouldn't actually do it. Then, I jokingly mentioned I was making all the moves and he said "How about this" and asked me out, asking me to let him know when I was free. The day I was free, he had something to do and kinda ran from the date (or hid) in my opinion. It just felt like he chickened out and proceeded to hide behind his phone whenever we didn't see each other at a friend's party. We slept next to each other on a loveseat at my friends and he got closer, but that's all the would do. I left the next day feeling pretty sad and unwanted. Holding hands would have been enough progress for me. He was just confusing because one week, he'd be very talkative and clingy. The next, we would barely talk. Then, that weekend, he would be upset because I hadn't told him something about my life or birthday plans. To me, he wasn't acting like he wanted to be in my life (date me), so why should I tell him? I brought up the moves again and he put the ball back in my court by saying to let him know when I was free, then I didn't hear from him again all week. So, I brought up the fact that I didn't think he was ready to date, or just didn't want to date me. (What woman wants to date someone she has to remind to ask her out?) He took a while to think about it and said he hadn't thought about it that way, but that he thought I was right. He said he wasn't at that point right now, but that he really liked me, liked getting to know me, that he thought we could have something good, and didn't want to rush it. He also said not to let him hold me back (I mentioned I we should both keep our options open) but he didn't know what kinda time he needed. But, he kept stressing that no matter what, he REALLY wanted to continue talking and liked what we had so far. That was a week ago...

Is there hope? I guess I'm just a little disappointed...

Updates:
He also thanked me for "allowing him to see the whole picture and putting him in his place." He said he probably needed that and that he has a tendency to jump before looking.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This guy clearly has no idea what he's doing.

    Do you really want to affiliate yourself with someone who doesn't know what he wants?


    I would take what he said about not being ready to date at face value, I would have said "I want to date you and get to know you more because you seem like a really nice and interesting guy. Let me know if you change your mind!" and just left it at that.

    If a girl said she wasn't ready to date, I'd assume she just doesn't want to date me... relationships are supposed to be easy... he's either too shy/insecure/weak to ask you out OR he's playing some stupid ass game.

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    • He has been going through a lot. His ex admitted she had been a lesbian the whole time and is harassing him to "stay friends" though he wants nothing to do with her. I found this out through mutual friends. I just got tired of putting in more effort and trying to progress things, for them to slide backwards. He doesn't act like someone who is ready to date and build something. He acts distracted. I left it at the fact that we could still talk, but that I couldn't invest in him and that I was keeping my options open (dating other men.) I think that sent a message. I just hate that I really liked this guy and now, I haven't heard from him at all. I guess it's better than getting even more invested and then getting crushed. I think I just need to move on and completely detach for my own sake. Honestly, I don't want to admit it, but I feel like by the time he's ready, I will be over it, sadly. It just put me off to try and try, and be jerked around, only to be left with what I was.

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    • Or, maybe he just didn't know how to reject me! So, he's hoping by saying what he said we can be friends and it won't be awkward at our friends' parties.

    • Well, it's been 4 days since we had that talk... to me that's a while. I don't know, I hate the grey parts of life and I knew better than to start talking to him. It's my fault.

What Guys Said 5

  • It seems like he just want to stay as friends. He might see going for a date as a sign that he is in a relationship with you. That is why he chickened out. What he enjoys from you is your presence and talking to you.

    Some guys are not in this for the romantic stuff or sex. Some of them just want a companion for a casual conversation.

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    • I feel like that's the kind of guy he is... but only talking once or week or every other week? Why would I want to continue to talk to someone who is only capable of that kind of contact?

      I am beginning to feel stupid for being so nice and understanding. The more I read his texts, the more I feel like I got rejected. And, he only wants to be friends right now. :( I am ready for so much more.

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    • good luck.

  • Does it matter? No means no.

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  • Hard to say but I think if he wanted to date you and really liked you he would do so regardless of what he said. I'd suggest keeping your options open and not becoming too involved until he either tells you he's serious about you his actions suggest it. Good luck, I hope it works out in your favor! :)

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    • Yeah, that's why when I had to bring up that I was making the moves to get him to ask me out... really made me stop and realize we had a problem. I guess it's better I know now than later. I just hate this "waiting game." It's so hard.

  • He's not into you

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  • If he's not ready to date, then he's not ready to date. If you can't handle it, move on

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    • Well, not texting for a week at a time... what's the point of even keeping on "talking?" We might as well label it a friendship and take the pressure off completely.

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