Telling the parent you've secretly been dating?

I'm usually a private person, particularly about my love life. Since I've been away at college, I started dating a guy I knew for a while without telling my mother. He's much older than I am, which is partially why I never told her - she's overprotective and I know or am fairly certain she wouldn't accept our relationship.

My birthday is coming up, so he wants to take me out that day; however, he asked my mom - without telling me, through Facebook - if he could do so. Mind you, he doesn't know that she didn't know we were dating - it had never come up in conversation, so he thought she knew.

I got a text today with her asking if "...[you're] seeing him?" and I'm unsure what or how to tell her. We had started dating before the school year started, but I kept making up excuses as to why I was going out, and only said I was "interested in someone" but never mentioned actually dating.

Please help me out. What should I do?


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What Guys Said 1

  • First, put your grown-up pants on. You're well past the age where you need to ask for permission to date someone.

    Now, dispense information on a 'need to know' basis. Parents of adult children need to know that your dating, and that you're happy. If it's not long-term and serious, they don't even need an introduction.

    Remember, privacy protects everyone; there are things you don't want to tell your parents, and there are things they don't want to know. It's both polite and smart to answer a question with "I'm not telling you that."

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What Girls Said 1

  • At this point, just come clean. If she wants to know why you kept it a secret, just apologize for acting like that and say you just didn't know how to tell her.

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