I screwed up and asked why he didn't call for a few days. We've been dating two months. Did I mess up?

I sent a text saying that communication is a healthy part of a budding relationship, then we ended up having a heavy discussion. I said that signs of affection are very important to me so I stood by my question, but that I was sorry if I had seemed angry, and that putting pressure on him was not the fair thing to do. He said it was okay, but now I've not heard from him in 4 days. I have a feeling he might not be ready for something serious, though I know that I am. But it's oh so hard for me to keep myself busy and distracted! I keep thinking about what was said, and trying to figure out what we should do. I feel bad for getting so serious so quickly, but I also feel like I said what had to be said.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey I just finished reading your dilemma here. I know what you are going through cause I've gone through the same thing a couple of times. I'm actually going through the same thing right now so therefore I can highly relate to what you are saying. I know what it feels like when you are getting to know someone who you feel strongly connected with. I know that it can fool you around that the guy might be feeling the same way you do. I actually said the same thing to the guy I'm dating cause he takes about 3 -4 days to talk to me. I understand that it is kind of soon to be telling the guys these things cause they tend to freak out, but what guys don't understand is that we expect them to show us interest from the beginning. Us girls get attach pretty quick and as it seems guys don't. We feel that when they take days without calling us is that they're not thinking about us or interested anymore. My advice to you is to have patience and if with time he doesn't changes his habits then you know from there that he isn't willing to compromise. That's the same advice I give to myself. Get to know him ask him question that will help you later decide if he's the guy you want to be in relationship with. Last but, not least let him look for you and wait for him to call you and see what he has to say when he do. I hope my advice help you with something.

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What Guys Said 1

  • When I read "communication is a healthy part of a budding relationship," my first thought was "Aww, sh*t." His was, too.

    My next thought was that you did this exactly backward. The correct order was:

    "putting pressure on him was not the fair thing to do,"

    "I was sorry if I had seemed angry"

    "signs of affection are very important to me"

    If you're going to offer criticism in, take responsibility first. Even if you're in the right, even if it's their fault. People listen to responsibility. Faced with blame, they get defensive and shut down, ending any useful conversation.

    Finally, two months is WAY too early to be asking why he hasn't called. In fact, it's rarely a good question under any circumstances; men don't accidentally decline to call you.

    Long story short: you pushed too hard, and he bolted. Own up, apologize, then back way, way off.

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    • I see your point entirely. I think I did this backwards because I hadn't identified what was really bothering me. I think I might be picking up the fact that he's not really that into me - I had an exam recently and rather than calling to wish me luck, he texted at 2am to see if I 'was still up'. We've dated 2 months and he hasn't once said 'you look great!'. I have backed off, but the thing is I have no idea if I'm reading this right, or should give it more time to develop.

What Girls Said 1

  • Yep, you scared him slightly. Heck! I would be scared too if a guy had a go at me for not being in touch. I have gone 3 weeks without hearing from a guy I was dating. I didn't get upset because at the end of the day after 2 months, you're still getting to know each other and there should be no pressure. Take it easy. Yeah, communication is great and there is nothing wrong with what you said to him but getting angry over it... when you've only been seeing each other for 2 months... no, I would be scared off if someone did that to me but then agan I have commitment issues. The best way to deal with it now is wait for him. Problem is the longer he waits to call you, the harder it is for him to call you because he might think that you will be angry again. So maybe leave it till another 2 days then send a message saying "hey stranger. hope you're ok. I was thinking we should do something together soon. what do you think?" or something like that.

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    • I see your point entirely. I think I messed up as I hadn't identified what was really bothering me. I think I might be picking up the fact that he's not really that into me - I had an exam recently and rather than calling to wish me luck, he texted at 2am to see if I 'was still up'. We've dated 2 months and he hasn't once said 'you look great!'. I have backed off, but the thing is I have no idea if I'm jumping to conclusions, or whether it's worth getting closer if I'm not getting what I need.

    • I think you may bee over-thinking now. ok so it's nice to hear good luck when you have an exam or to be told you look great but on a scale of things, is it really THAT important? do you not have the confidence in you to think yourself beautiful whether he tells you or not? but whether these things are important to you or not, my advice is still to back off slightly and go with his lead. if on the other hand, you feel you want more attention from him then I have a feeling you found the wrong guy.

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