Can you solve this dating mystery?

In February, I met a lady online named Linda. She lives an hour away from where I live. We were on the phone for 1 1/2 hours the first time we talked. I was separated, waiting for my divorce to become final in the next 2 weeks, and I candidly disclosed that to Linda during our first phone call. (It was also disclosed in my online profile.) We planned a dinner date. I drove to her town and met her at a nice, good atmosphere, good first date restaurant.

Linda was lovely, even prettier than her pictures. She was very pleasant to be with, the conversation flowed smoothly, and I felt an instant spark for her that I rarely feel on a first date. During dinner, she commented several times about how much she enjoyed being with me because I am intelligent and well-mannered. After dinner, we sat and talked for another hour. We held hands. We planned our second date for the coming weekend. I walked her to her car and gave her a goodnight kiss - not a sloppy kiss, but a kiss on the lips - and she was equally into kissing me.

When I got home, I texted to tell her I was home and I told her it was one of the best first dates I have ever had. She responded and said the same thing to me. What I texted her was true; this was like an ideal, "dream" first date where everything goes not just right, but very right. The next morning, I texted her, "Good morning, beautiful." She responded, "I'm getting ready for work right now. I'll call you later."

That was the last thing that I ever heard from her. I tried calling her later that day. I texted her, I emailed her. I got notification that she read at least one of my emails, but I got no response to anything. I actually checked the crime reports and obituaries in her hometown newspaper for about a week. She told me that her previous boyfriend had been very stalkerish after their breakup, so I didn't want to just drive back to her hometown and wait for her outside of where she worked. I mean. . . if she didn't want to see me, there's not really much point in going and talking to her, but it was really weird. It's a mystery I haven't solved. What do you think happened?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well you did everything right up until the maybe the good night kiss. I think out of respect to her, not kiss her on the first date. Make her look forward to it and make her want more. Even though she was waiting for her it would have intrigued her mind more on your second date. Its great you held hands which means she likes you but I think the kiss even though she wanted it might have been too fast... make her want it even more the next date. Instead of texting her too that it was the best first date you ever had you could have been more low key and said. "I had a great time, I hope you did too. This way you showed her that you cared how she felt on this first date too that it wasn't just about how you felt. Even though she texted you back the same thing. Next, I dont think I would ever text her good morning beautiful the next day for a couple of reasons. 1. It is too fast as you have to ease yourself into that. Its sort of like the guy who goes on a date and over compliments his date, it actually backfires. 2. It could have brought back a memory from her past that maybe this stalker acted the same way so she unfairly correlated it with you. Calling her, texting her and emailing her I am sorry to say but made it go overboard, pushy and she probably felt you were very needy at that point. Instead you should have given her time to get back to you. She said she was going to call you, but you weren't patient and tried to rush it along, you basically scared her and again made yourself needy and overbearing in her eyes. You have to realize that she has a life besides you and was busy at work. You just flat out pushed her too far and didn't allow her the time to get back to you. My guess is she would have contacted you on her time not yours. A woman needs her space and you didn't give that to her. You learn as you go. If she didn't contact you in about a week or so, then I would have sent a text saying, Hi, I hope you are having a good day, something simple but letting her know you have been thinking about her.

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    • I didn't push quite as much as the impression that you have but, in retrospect, you are probably right. I've done a fair amount of online dating and have probably had at least 30 first dates through match and plenty of fish. I have a good night kiss with very few. Generally, I lean in to give them a hug but if they turn like they are expecting a kiss, then I gladly oblige.

      In this case, I probably did push a little too much even though she was as excited as I was about the date. In retrospect, I also suspect that she had a bit of a histrionic personality, though there were no unpleasant theatrics during our date. Fortunately, I have moved on and met another lady with whom I felt an instant connection (after 4 or 5 intervening first dates which were not exciting in the least.) I kissed this lady on the first date and she was equally passionate in returning the kiss. We have been dating for 7 weeks now and everything is great. And I have been sensitive in trying not to rush it. Thanks!

    • Everything works on in the end! I am glad you found someone that likes you equally as much. It is always great to have it reciprocated. I wish you only the best!

What Girls Said 1

  • she's not interested.

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    • She was extremely interested during our dinner date. Why did she change her mind about me literally overnight?

What Guys Said 1

  • Too much in my opinion. She just ran.

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    • I've considered that possibility and that is not the way that I usually act on a first date. I am MUCH more low key with everything. But this chick was saying the same stuff back to me, too. Still, you might be right

    • Treat all girls the same even the one you 'think' is the one for you. That's my solid advice.

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