Please help me out. I need to know how to deal with my distant boyfriend?

Hi,
I need some help. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years now. We have had a previous breakup before because of communication issues and my insecurities about this girl who was his friend. I have insecurity issues. I agree. Anyways, we got back together after 4 months and now I think I may have messed it up again. He started talking to another girl but this time its different because she has a boyfriend and they talk about work stuff. But initially I got jealous and I freaked out a little. I usually never give him so much trouble but I did this time. He got very upset and sad that I did this again and that I dont trust him. For two weeks he avoided me, wouldn't touch me or talk to me. Then one night we ended up having sex and the next morning he apologized for it saying he's not that guy. Then we talked and I told him that if he wants to break up with me thats fine, Ill still be around because we have too much of a history to be just done with each other. I told him its going to be difficult but that we can try and hang out as long as he doesn't shut me out like how he does right now. I told him that he's avoiding me because he thinks that I have all these expectations of him to be my boyfriend and act a certain way an to kiss an hug me but I am removing those expectations and we could just be friends for now. Anyways we talked and then at the end I asked him for a hug and while hugging me he cried and said "I really needed to hear that, thanks for telling me. We are fine. You dont have to go anywhere." I took this as an amazing breakthrough. I also took the "we are fine" to mean that he's absolutley fine and it may take a while but at least he won't shut me out an maybe we can even hug. However, today he talked fine to me but he doesn't hug me. We always used to go out together but now he doesn't ask me if I want to tag along. He tlaks to me but avoids being alone with me for the most part and I am the one usually starting conversations


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think he's a nice guy. I mean like u said your insecure an it's having effect on him. Your like my girlfriend sometimes she has that jealous insecure look on her face when I mention another girl but I know she cares about me.
    You guys will take time to recover fully but I think your an awesome girl for understanding your insecurities and not blaming him. jealousy is the ugliest emotion on a girl it makes u look self conscious and although it's okay and uncontrollable it hurts him to tthink that you think he's low enough to cheat. Jealousy kills relationships honestly. Dont worry thou he's mature and u guys will recover next time let him know of your insecurities but tell him u trust him.

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    • Thank you so much for replying!! You just put out a burning fire in my heart. I am really trying to give him his space and time. I dont force him to hug or touch me. I dont force him to hang out but i am there for him whenever he needs something. He still talks to me properly and we do communicate now but there's still that distance. He still tries to be careful to not seem like he's completely okay with me even when he talks. He has started joking with me but when we go to sleep he still sleeps far away from me on his side of the bed. He doesn't hug me or even touch me. Last night, I asked him if I can hug him and he said sure. But thats about it. Would you happen to know if he will get fine or should I bring this up and ask him if he can be close like that with me again? Is it okay for me to ask him if we can start small like hugs instead of asking him to be completely normal with me again? Or is that too much and I need to give him more time?

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    • to work on this and that I appreciated him saying that we are fine when we last talked and he thought i was holding him accountable and he said that i was being selfish and that its okay because thats how people are. then i tried to explain that i was just really trying to say that i appreciate it. he said that he’s not ready for hugging or anything like that and that he shouldn’t even have asked me to go with him to the airport. I told him that its fine then, he shouldn’t see this as me trying to push him but rather us trying to move past this and not losing our physical closeness. i also told him that I haven’t done this before as well and its new to me too and if he’s not and if he’s not comfortable with hugging then thats fine. i just want him to be comfortable when he sleeps. i also told him that I’m just trying to make him comfortable and happy. he listened to that but he dint say anything. after that he’s talked to me properly. he even talked properly the rest of the way (cont)

    • there and back. But there's this slight discomfort and shutting down when we are alone. Like he distances a bit. I dont know what to do. I dont know how to fix this. I dint want to push him more so I just left it at that but obviously it hurts to not be close to him. Would you be able to give me any ideas on why he acted that way? I just dont understand how he's able to talk properly to me but he doesn't want to be close to me physically. Does that mean he's making up his mind about the fact that maybe he shouldn't be with me? I am sorry to bother you but I dont have a lot of people who would understand all this and help me. I am very sorry for bothering you but I hope you'll consider helping me out again. If not, thats okay too. I understand. Thank you.

What Guys Said 1

  • he seems to be miserable... take it from a guy.. guys hate when a girl is insecure. i know girls can't help it just like how we can't help to not look at butts and boobs. if a guy is trying with girl he hates when a girl questions his love that he has for her.(trust Issues)

    am going to ask you a question are you guys close?
    meaning with the stuff you do. like what the both of you is it in sync?

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What Girls Said 1

  • you should leave him.

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