Short term and convenient relationships?

Recently, I've been seeing and hearing a lot about relationships where the guy or girl are together, but one or both don't want to eventually settle down with one another or one or both aren't committed. I've seen it more with guys than girls. Is this really that common? What's the point of being in a relationship with someone, if you don't see a future with them and there's no commitment?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm in that sort of situation atm. We've been together for a while, 1.5 years so far. Things are generally good in terms of how we get along on a day to day basis, not to mention sexually as well.

    He's mentioned times as side comments that he doesn't see marriage in his future. That he doesn't see the point of it, it's expensive, etc.. He'll later assure me that he just meant that he doesn't see it in the NEAR future, but once he gets his shit together he does want to settle down. Or that he's working so much atm to save money for just that in the future. He's aware that I'm all for getting married so.. I'm super tempted to just ask him why he's with me if he sees no long term potential. Am I just a placeholder then? That's been bugging me a lot in the past month or so as we're not getting any younger. I'm just not sure how to bring it up without seeming crazy or sort of scaring him off, despite myself not planning on getting married for a few years too.
    I'd just like to know that I have some potential security in the future, y'know?

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    • You bring it up, when you feel like you just can't take it anymore, that, you need to see what else is out there, and you just tell him "so you see marriage in our future" if he says I dk, then you might want to think about finding someone else. Too hot to be strung along like that, and honestly I do think he's just stringing you along, by the way though, marriage really is just a party and a piece of paper. Why do you need a party to say that you're together, you know you "love" each other, why do you need to spend money on a one time thing, to prove that?

    • What makes you think he's 'stringing me along' though? He's kind of hot and cold with the marriage thing. Though in all fairness I'm never very clear with bringing up the topic so..
      Yes, marriage is by law just a piece of paper. If I marry someone though, I want the sense of security as well as stability they could bring to the table, which would be symbolized by this paper and all.

What Guys Said 3

  • People want to have some fun, explore themselves, their options, and other people. Relationships and the (almost) inevitable break-ups serve as lessons so we can better ourselves.

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  • It's nice to just have someone in your life. Even if you're not looking to settle down.

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  • I had 28 girlfriends before I was married, only two definitely just wanted sex/entertaining company. With another two it was not clear what they wanted. The rest were all expecting a relationship with a future as you put it. Which is why I got out as soon as I decided I wouldn't consider marrying them. I didn't want to waste their time.

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    • Were they not marriage material to you? This guy I'm friends with and at one point was progressing towards a relationship is currently in a relationship. He and I fell out for a couple of months but got back into contact. We don't near each other, however, he's constantly wanting to spend time with me. Recently, I found out he had a girlfriend. Not only was I shocked about that because we've spent quite a bit of time together, even with his friends, but I was shocked by the type of person she is. She's immature and not what I thought he'd want to settle down with. I confronted him about it and he basically denied it and didn't admit it. I told him I don't condone that and that was that. Some days later, he ended up reaching out to me, wanting to spend a couple of days together... the whole time I was just thinking where's your gf? Where's the commitment

    • Exactly, I felt two people in a relationship should be wanting the same thing. If she wants progress towards marriage I will entertain that until for some reason, (most commonly the inability to maintain respect in an intimate relationship) I decided I wouldn't consider marrying them. then I would leave even if things seemed to be going OK.

What Girls Said 0

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