How to turn a guy down kindly?

I'm an honesty-is-the-best-policy sort, so when a guy asks me out or offers to buy me a drink and I'm not interested, I'll just say I'm flattered but not interested. I don't say "I have a boyfriend," 'cause that's not the reason I'm saying no (and if it were the only reason, it would feel a little like I'm still looking - "I have a boyfriend right now, but keep me in mind.") My boyfriend thinks the blunt "No thanks" or "I'm not interested" is pretty harsh and says he always thought it a kindness if a woman said no because she has a boyfriend. Not that he wouldn't know the "boyfriend" line was just as likely a lie, but it just seemed gentler on the ego. I'm curious what other men here think: when you take a risk and go up to a woman, what's the kindest way for her to let you down?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I never offer strange women drinks but if I did I wouldn't mind a rejection something like "No thanks, I'm good" and then she gave me a little smile showing that she appreciated the gesture. Then turned to talk to her friends again or something.

    To me that would be a polite no and I would get the point right away that she is not interested.

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    • In this scenario you are only rejecting the drink, even though in reality you are rejecting both the drink and the guy approaching. But if you say "not interested" you are blatantly rejecting the guy to his face and those with ego issues might take that response as harsher.

What Guys Said 5

  • Just be honest. The whole "I have a boyfriend" is over used, unless of course you do have a boyfriend.

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    • Yes. One girl told me that and I got annoyed because I knew for sure that she never had.

  • Just say thank you for asking, but I'm not interested.

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  • Sorry but I'm not interested.

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  • "Thanks, but I'm good" would be a good reply (as per @abzence's comment below)

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  • The I have a boyfriend excuse does work nicely.

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What Girls Said 1

  • "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested"

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