Guys, Afraid to have feelings?

My buddy told me he is afraid to have feelings for me because his life is such a cluster fuck already and he sometimes doesn't think he deserves to be happy. I'm not sure exactly what that means.. but how can i show him there isn't anything to fear?


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16

Most Helpful Guy

  • This kind of sounds like classic depression; specifically when he says that he doesn't deserve to be happy. I'd work at it slowly and just be persistent that he can trust you, that you're not going anywhere and that having feelings for you is acceptable. If he really can't get over it I'd probably cut your losses and find someone else; unless you're really attached to him. Then you could work up to suggesting counseling or some behavioral analysis to see what's causing the trouble. Mental health and depression are some of the biggest issues out there; the hardest part being that most people don't want to admit they have an issue or seek treatment for it, especially males. I've personally seen a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist over some anxiety issues in the past and it took me a while to warm up to the idea of going to a "shrink" but I think it really helped.

    But yeah you're call really; if you think he's worth it stick it out. If it's just some fling and you're not that involved then run for the hills and find someone more stable. Sometimes I've seen guys use this as an angle to get pity and make you want them more too. So there's that to watch out for.

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What Guys Said 15

  • Honestly try to stop calling him buddy he thinks you are friendzoning him. If you like him start flirting with him.

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    • I dont call him buddy to him.. this is a guy im in love with

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    • Have you asked him out on a date? If you haven't you should.

    • We are talking face to face about it next week

  • Open up to him. Show him that you think it's OK to share. If he has something on his mind, be open, not forceful. Ask him if he wants to talk about it, if not, that's OK

    opening a guy up to talk (especially when he's closed off) takes time. You gotta just make a comfortable environment where he feels safe sharing.

    I usually feel like sharing more personal stuff after a really bonding experience

    I just had one with a pal, we were tripping and I was going through some stuff and he was there when I needed to talk about it. now I feel like I can prob talk to him about anything, and this is dude on dude love. If you guys are dating, it might be easier

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  • I've always been of the type that what you see what is what you get, flaws and all. He could be depressed about his situation or maybe just down in general. Keep hanging out with him and try to cheer him up so he always knows he feels better with you around. Hopefully he comes around too :)

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  • it sounds like he is trying to spare you the BS drama he has going on in his life right now.

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  • If he has an actual problem with self-deprecation, depression or anything else that chemically prevents him from being happy, he needs help. Otherwise, he's probably just afraid of losing you as a friend/possible girlfriend if he screws it up. Have an honest conversation. Don't let it slide if you think a relationship is what you two need.

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  • Ohh I've been there before. You need to let him know that you will stand by him to solve his problems rather than add to them. Make him feel comfortable around you. He shouldn't feel you as a liability, but as a person who can stand by him. Nobody deserves to remain unhappy. Sometimes people have bad times, but he's gonna have to trust you.

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  • Well dating a girl is a risky enterprise, so he DOES have something to fear, even if you don't appreciate what it is.

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  • He sounds like he is making excuses

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  • Well the term "buddy" which you used to describe him may inadvertently show his fears were right.

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    • I call a lot of people buddy lol. This is a guy im in love with.

  • yeah, sometimes men are insecure, we are afraid of betrayal after having suffered from it so many times.

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  • he feels like a thig than anything... like a clone of who he once was

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  • i have feeling and i am sensitive and im not afraid to say it

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  • Oh hell yes, every time I do that chick ends up hating me

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  • He's probably not afraid to have feelings, he probably just has a mental block against displaying those feelings. Many boys undergo conditioning of sorts to make them stronger when they are children.

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  • I've never been betrayed but I'm still really paranoid about sharing my feelings. It's uncomfortable, it doesn't suit me, and I frankly don't trust people having that kind of information about me.

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