My boyfriend just replied this?

So my long distance boyfriend who i have been dating for a year told me yesterday that he hates the whole distance thing and doesn't think its worth it so i texted him this: Oh my sweet Shadow, how much i love you. I keep replaying what you told me yesterday in my head and can't help but cry. I am terrified extremly. I don't want to lose you baby you are my world and I understand that it is like a knife to the heart with the distance. I know that but i just don't want you feel liked your trapped in our relationship, Your young and i don't want you to feel left out. I just want you to be happy after all thats what love is right? He just replied with "i love you" should i just leave him alone and not respond today?


Most Helpful Guy

  • The biggest problem with LD relationships happen when there isn't a foreseeable 'out'. When it's something that seems like it will just be LD forever. That can, and will, cause big problems over time.

    The thing that is happening here is due to brain chemistry. There is something called NRE, new relationship energy, that exists when the brain is fired up over a new relationship, or over the idea of a new relationship. Dopamine, norepinephidrine, phenylethylamine, serotonin... your brain gets high, literally high, with thoughts of the person. And this can happen with the idea of a person, the idea of a relationship.. it's how teen girls can 'fall in love' with singers or movie stars. You are basically high on amphetamines, stimulants and painkillers. And that is also why the idea of losing a relationship, while in this stage, can cause actual physical pain. It is literally drug withdrawal. And it can hurt, in a very real sense.

    This is the chemical reasons behind those feelings of 'puppy love', that are generally the emotions when young people think they 'feel in love', because 'real' love takes years of close personal interaction to develop. Whereas NRE can hit, and hit hard, fast. It is designed to make people artificially close while 'real' emotional connections build slowly in the background. NRE fades over time, and the amount it fades is different for each person. Sometimes a couple months, sometimes a couple years. When it fades, it is usually the death knell of a LDR, because those do not have the means to build the long term emotional connections - the oxytocin releases and stuff that handle long-term bonding.

    So... biochemistry lesson aside, what you are feeling is NRE, and he is most likely feeling it too, though not as strongly as you. It could be starting to fade for him, or he may have never felt it quite as strongly in the first place, but cracks are starting to show. It will be a period of change and reflection. The relationship may not survive (most LDRs do not, and there is a reason for that). But since you clearly ARE still feeling that, you will want to do what you can to keep it. That will involve giving him some space while he figures out what he wants, but also being available to keep things moving forward as best you can. And finding a way to end the LD part of the relationship, because it will kill it over time. You'll also want to find ways to have 'relationship milestones' that do not involve being together in person.

    • The thing is, you have to listen to what he is saying. If he is telling you he doesn't think it is worth it, that is a big problem, especially at this stage. Doubly so at this age. He is going to be getting big hormone spikes, and it is going to make LDR even harder to manage, even if he is still feeling NRE.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes I think you should just leave him alone for a bit, he can love you with all his heart but in the end if he can't do the distance it's really out of your control. It's hard to realize that breaking up might be a reality, but pulling onto him may cause him to distance even more.


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • I love stuff like that, you poured your heart out and, honestly, its beautiful. Reading all that would make him feel amazing and would make him realise he really does love you. At that moment in time, essentially nothing else would be on his mind. That's how I'd see it anyway, might be bullshit but...

  • It means he loves you and he wants to stay with you. Relax.