Does having insecurities make a person less attractive?

Does having insecurities about body or facial features make a person less attractive? If you were dating a person and they constantly doubted your compliments, would you be less attracted to them? So, I know insecurities are not based upon outer appearance alone, however, I do think they do stem from them, a bit.

  • Yes
    57% (82)54% (67)56% (149)Vote
  • No
    43% (63)46% (56)44% (119)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The way I look it is everybody is insecure about something

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Most Helpful Girl

  • 1. I think partially, yes. An insecure person might be less likely to smile if they think their smile is unattractive. In general I think smiling makes a person look more attractive. I have yet to see a single ugly smile. An insecure person might also not make eye contact, or might look down a lot, which might give an impression if disinterest which obviously is not good. And if I can't properly see a person's face, then yes I might make wrongful assumptions about their level of attractiveness. I need to see the face properly from the front, eyes looking at me directly, to be able to make a good assessment of their facial features. Insecure people sometimes also look emotionless, which can make them look less attractive too.

    2. Yes, I would be less attracted to my partner if he constantly doubted my compliments. I would find it offensive that he doesn't trust me or what I say. It would be draining to constantly argue with him over petty things like compliments. It would turn into "no I'm not"-"yes you are"-arguments, which lead NOWHERE. You should be able to trust your partner and what they say to you. If you don't even trust such a small thing as a basic compliment, then how are you going to trust me with ANYTHING? People who can't even take a compliment should not be in a relationship, since they need to get over their insecurities first. Insecurities like that are what ruin a relationship.

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    • Also note that I'm talking about heavily insecure people. Most of us have some insecurities that affect us on different levels, but we're still able to function properly in our day-to-day lives. Heavily insecure people don't, however.

What Guys Said 53

  • Having insecurities isn't an issue. Everyone has insecurities. It is about how a person deals with those insecurities that matter. If she is constantly calling me a liar, and doesn't believe I really love her that would be unattractive. If she got overly jealous and started a bunch of drama all the time that would also be unattractive.

    A healthy dose of humility however is actually very attractive to me. I don't think most guys want a woman so confident that she thinks she is doing the guy a favor by hanging out with him. Overall I would say it is about finding the right balance of confidence, and dealing with your insecurities in a positive way whenever possible.

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  • Well we all have insecurities. Nobody is objectively flawless and we can all be keenly aware of our shortcomings. The thing is we should all focus on our strengths and push forward with them. Nobody is beautiful to everyone and what may seem beautiful to some may not be beautiful to others. Same with personality.

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  • If they're always doubting my compliments then yeah, it's the unattractive.
    Having insecurities is normal, but it's awesome when in a relationship you compliment your girl on her insecurities and she gives you that look and smile that she has given to no one, cause she knows that if you say it, you mean it, and she believes that you're the only one that thinks she's perfect.
    I don't know if you get what I'm saying, but having too many insecurities and not trying to get over them, is not attractive.

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  • Is it weird that this seriously doesn't bother me, like, at all? I suppose it depends on what you mean as insecure.

    Having insecurities is normal. Being a little insecure opens you up emotionally, and people who think too highly of themselves are often less likely to compromise and more likely to be argumentative. That is, they would have an "I don't need this shit" attitude where being right is more important than the relationship.

    I dated a girl who was confident to a fault. "I think you're beautiful :)"
    "Well yeah, that's because I am."
    With half her comments starting with "I deserve..."
    If we had disagreements, she was "obviously" right and I had to be the one to apologize.

    Later down the road, I dated a girl who had somewhat low self-esteem, and we got along much better. I helped her through some rough times. She helped me through some rough times. There was a much greater emotional connection. It's so much easier to relate to someone like that.

    It is much better to viewed as support by someone with lower self-esteem than to be viewed as baggage by someone with too high of self-esteem.

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  • I feel it makes a person more real, as real people have imperfections, flaws, things to work on and strive for.

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  • 1000%. Nothing is more unattractive to me than insecurity, I blame young, shallow men and fashion magazines for this. As unbecoming as it is to meet someone who think they are out of everyone's league, it is also a major turnoff to be attracted to someone and have them second guessing themselves all of the time. This is the best advise i can give to male or females in that situation...

    If you aren't comfortable in your own skin, how can you except anyone else to be? Love yourself. Hold your head high and someone will ALWAYS come along who appreciates and loves the person that you are.

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  • It doesn't. Everyone has insecurities, whether it'd be physically, emotionally, mentally, or eve psychologically. Some people focus on them too much and that's where things can start becoming less attractive (one who self deprecates themselves in a way that hints at little self worth). So for example: someone who has a much larger than average head. How an insecurity can be attractive is when they can make it funny, like making a joke about them starring as Jimmy Neutron were they ever to make a film with real people. Less attractive is if they regularly simply complain about it. Hope that makes sense.

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  • What makes a insecure person less attractive is their bad / sarcastic personality
    will scare me away from a girl in heart beat ,

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  • Not gonna lie, if she kept throwing my compliments back at me and telling me that she didn't believe me, it'd be a turnoff. I don't hand out compliments nilly willy, and they are very meaningful to me when I give them. Having them doubted would not feel good at all.

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  • It's cute, until they get too extreme.

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  • "If you were dating a person and they constantly doubted your compliments, would you be less attracted to them?"

    With this specific example in mind? Yes, that would be a turn-off. But in general it really depends on what the insecurity actually is. A girl who has general insecurity is a girl I can't really deal with. From experience it seems that I need a girl who can stand on her own feet pretty well, though not so much that she more or less becomes the leader of the relationship. There has to be some balance.

    Also what @Phoenix98 said is most certainly true. We all have them.

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  • If they have insecurities that they really shouldn't be worrying about (such as fit, pretty girls thinking they're too fat), then I kinda like trying to convince them that they shouldn't about the insecurity. I wouldn't go as far to say that I specifically like insecure girls, but I like trying to make them feel better.

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  • No not really at the end of the day we all have insecurities and humans just like animals see what is fitting for mating by looking at one's physique as for the religious people who don't think like that they are only mating for God so its to please something else

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  • If your not insecure, then you must be really enlightened or like a really devote Buddhist. Sometimes insecurities are cute. My girlfriend hated her ears. ^^ i just can't explain it, because when she put her hair back she looked even cuter, so i always told her this. I know she believed me, but that insecurity kinda lightened up when I told her that, even though it was only a few times.

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  • I don't mind an insecure girl but if she keeps questioning my compliments all the time then i would think she is not intrested.

    I've met at least 3 girls who had this same behaviour of doubting my compliments. They would say things like "but we don't even know each other enough for you to say/do that" (when in fact we did) on a relatively rude tone.
    That kind of rude insecurity makes you insecure yourself, you don't know what to say/do other than "please its not what i meant im sorry" and the whole thing falls apart. You either stop talking to them (and consequently they stop talking to you) or you try to fix her misinterpretation and she replies with things that are exponentialy unmotivating.

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  • To be honest, I actually kind of like dating someone who I have to prove to that I feel for them. I don't know why, I just like knowing that I can show them, despite their insecurities, that I find them beautiful and love them even though they have their moments.

    Not like a power thing, like "Now I got her thinking all this and she's mine." It's more of a thing that I can hopefully get her to see what I see and make her feel better every day about herself.

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  • Yes it does. This girl had a crush on me but the large amount of her insecurities kind of made it hard to reciprocate.

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  • To be frank, they're easier to compliment - if you ascertained, without asking them, that they were insecure about their lips or skin or whatever, complimenting that part of them just casually might mean a lot to them and make them happy if done right so as to avoid offending them.

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  • Only if the insecurities are annoying, aka it's all you frikken talk about and you can't get over it after years of being in a relationship.

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  • I voted no, everyone has them. If someone constantly doubts your compliments, that could get frustrating. Otherwise, it just makes them a self aware human being that owns a mirror, like everyone else.

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  • " constantly doubted your compliments" is what really changes the underlying tone of the question from what is normal to what is unhealthy.

    My opinion-and based of others comments nearly everyone here-is that it's ok unless it's gone into the unhealthy area. Basically if the person is sabotaging themselves by not allowing a differing opinion to what they "know" is wrong with them. It means there is no hope for trust there. If the person can't, or won't allow themselves to believe a compliment from a significant other, there is a serious problem with trust.

    I myself dislike getting compliments because I was raised in church and everyone was given fake compliments all the time, making it impossible to know who was sincere. But I also will judge the truthfulness of the person giving the compliment along with how much I trust them.

    That's what it really comes down to for me, do you trust them? If so, believe they mean what they say. If you don't trust them, why are you with them?

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  • I mean kind of. You don't want to be around someone who is always negative or putting themselves down do you? It gets... tiring, to say the least.

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  • No problem to me, I'd simply reassure her that no matter if she was perfect or not, I loved her as she was. Weak points too make someone attractive!
    We're all human, fortunately :D

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    • I Don't know why but I have the feeling that the 'if you are or are not perfect [...]" might hurt her :b

    • @CottonMuffin I think it's the emotions from "wanting to be perfect" that hurt people most.
      Some people are appreciated by all their friends and by their girl or guy and yet they think they're in trouble because of "my nose" or "those 6 lbs too much".
      Reality is that is your loved ones love you as you are, enjoy it and relax!

  • I would say yes. After all, I get sick and tired of girls asking if they look okay when they usually look great! Have some pride in the body your parents gave you!!! Jeez!

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  • It makes a guy a LOT less attractive.

    For a girl, it's not that it makes her less attractive, but it will get really annoying after awhile if she continuously says how fat she is or how you're always lying when you compliment her.

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  • Insecurities doesn't make a person unattractive, but having confidence would be an added advantage. Confidence shows in the way we appear and the way we carry ourselves.

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  • in my opinion unsecurities can maka a girl attractive (in a certain way) but most girls will be turned off by insecurities.

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  • Everyone has insecurities, whether it is a turnoff depends mostly on what type of insecurity it is and how bad it is.

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  • Only if you make it very aparent that its an issue for you

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  • No, it's only unattractive if they let it control how they act.

    For example a person who thinks their ugly but is a completely loving and chill person is fine.

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 30

  • Absolutely. It's terrible to constantly have to affirm someone that they're nice looking or that you love them or that they are worthy human beings. To all the shitty parents out there, that caused so many people to be this way, screw y'all for forever changing someone's perception of their worth.

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  • At certain degree it is alright. We all have insecurities. We are not perfect.
    Here or there little insecurities are ok. It is so normal.
    However; When insecuties start to affect one's life , they are not cute anymore.

    When I compliment someone and they are always in doubt. It can be hurting. And this can affect relationship badly. I would think by time maybe they are right. Your fears would feed my attitude.
    We all deserve compliments and good things in life. We all need to accept this.
    We should not let fears and insecurities shape our life.
    We are more than that. We are better than we think actually.

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  • Yes. It's a big turn off. If a guy texts me saying, "How come you won't text me back? Is it because I'm ugly?" (And yes, someone has said that to me) It's very unattractive. I couldn't tell if he was joking or not, but since he is insecure, I don't think he was.

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  • Having insecurities makes you human. How you let those insecurities affect you can certainly make you less attractive, though. Constantly obsessing over your looks and being unable take a compliment isn't attractive.

    I agree that feeling self-conscious or insecure often stems from feeling ugly. Personally, I feel a lot more confident and good looking when I'm going to the gym on a regular basis, and releasing those happy endorphins.

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  • Yes, I would be less attracted to them, in all honesty. That doesn't mean that I expect a person to be 100% confident, but if their insecurity is so deeply rooted that they can't even trust in my word that I find them attractive, regardless of me being with them, that shows me that they don't truly love themselves nor do they have faith in what I am telling them. Like I said, to have insecurities is fine, but once it gets to a certain point, it can become a serious hindrance on a relationship and I personally find it very unappealing. Imagine looking at something like a steak, that looks (in your mind) perfect and amazing... but that steak keeps telling you that it's rotten, and disgusting, and that your perception essentially is wrong. It becomes unappetizing as a result not because it IS rotten and disgusting... but because it keeps telling you that it is.

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    • Is there any way to fix people like that? How did it start?

    • I have never dated a guy like that so I can't tell you how it started, I have been pursued by men like that and I reject them immediately. It isn't up to the person that they are interested in to fix them. They have to fix themselves.

  • Confidence is attractive, but insecurities is more normal and we all have flaws. It's okay to have them and be aware of them. But don't lose yourself over them. They aren't everything. Focus on the positive and learn to take compliments and it'll be okay :)

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  • It depends, as always. Everyone has some insecurities. But if someone is often vocal about his insecurities and limits himself because of it, then it becomes unattractive. This includes constantly doubting another person's compliments. It is very discouraging to compliment someone, only having to reassure them.

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  • Insecurity is far more unnattractive than an actual flaw. Some people won't do what it takes to work through it and become an emotional burden to the people who care about them. People with low self esteem can become very controlling and pretty much turn you into a mental case for investing your time and effort into them.

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  • Insecurity is a huuuge turn off for me. I get that everyone is a little insecure sometimes, but if I feel like I have to constantly reassure a guy, I am out.

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    • Reassure about what? Can you give examples?

    • Anything.. whatever he is insecure about..

      Like, this one guy I dated who was just insecure in general and always doubted that I even liked him. After a couple months of this shit, I ran out of patience for it and DID stop liking him.. If I'm dating you, assume I like you and don't force me to reassure you every god damn time we see each other...

      And when it comes to women, most of my guy friends have at one point or another had a girlfriend that was insecure and always fishing for compliments by talking down about herself and pointing out her flaws, etc. That shit is ANNOYING and it is not attractive!!

      The only people who find insecurity attractive are people who are also insecure and believe that the only way another person would want to be with them romantically is if they don't know how great they are. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone who actually relies the fact that you don't like yourself?

    • It's ok to have self doubt once in a while, and to be a little insecure now and then, but when insecurity drives everything you do and say, it's unhealthy and it's unattractive. If you're constantly fishing for compliments and then rejecting those compliments, that shit is annoying and unattractive. If you're constantly doubting your partner's feelings for you, that shit is annoying and unattractive. If you constantly talk about your "flaws" and everything you hate about yourself, that shit is annoying and unattractive. I want to be with a grown ass man, and grown ups deal with their shit. You feel like a loser because of your job? Work harder, go to school, get a better career. You feel ugly/fat? Work out, eat healthy and learn to dress and carry yourself in a more flattering way (and figure out what other qualities you have that go beyond physical appearance). You feel stupid? Fuckin read more.

      And so on... and so on...

  • Everybody is insecure about something however if you are constantly complimenting them and they were constantly doubting your compliments then yes that could be a huge turnoff

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  • I don't think they will be less attractive to you but having a constant complaining about themselves will make me uncomfortable. I think I will get to the point that I just can not help them, no matter how beautiful they may be or look. I would break up if it got to that point or give them space to find themselves, I wouldn't date during but just wait for them :?

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  • Ie never met anyone with insecurities that has turned me off. Especially because I'm the most self conscious person around.

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  • I was going to say yes before I realized that literally everyone, EVERYONE, has at least one insecurity. So that would be ridiculous lol.

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  • yes i think so... i voted A

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  • Nobody's perfect, so no. Ever heard of Natalie Portman? Well anyway, people think (mostly males and some females) that she's hot and she's got a huge insecurity- her mole or birthmark on her cheek. She'd always tried to hide it with foundation and always made a big deal out of it and nobody saw anything wrong with it or ever complained about it. So even the hottest people have insecurities cause everyone has at least one.

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  • That means everyone is unattractive , coz we all have them! It does cause problems within a relationships and pushes people away.

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  • Not really it just gets annoying to constantly reassure them. Their behavior becomes unattractive but I'd still find him attractive but because of personality I'll stop talking to him as much.
    Nobody likes tobe around someone so negative!

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  • Having insecurities is okay to have in a relationship, and I personally find it cute when a guy has a few insecurities, but if one person in the relationship is constantly talking about those insecurities every time you talk to them, it makes the person less attractive and it might end the relationship.

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  • Yes its more unattractive from a flaw. If you take your insecurities to the extreme, then it can push people away. Like for example I had this friend who had social anxiety and was so worried about what people thought about her that she basically lied about 1/3 of her life to her friends just to get attention. And I unfriended her because I was tired of it and I n the end she actually made so many people hate her like you have no idea.

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  • If my boyfriend had insecurities I'd comfort him all the time and tell him the sweetest things.
    I wouldn't want him to suffer and make himself feel bad.

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  • It might sound bad to say, but him having insecurities would probably make me more comfortable, because then I wouldn't be the only one. I figure that my many insecurities would be a turnoff for many guys.

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  • It depends, everyone has their own insecurities but it would be difficult to date someone who lets their insecurities take over.

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  • Yeah it's straight up annoying hearing someone constantly complain about their own inadequacies

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  • No one's perfect, but insecurities shouldn't control anyone's life. There's so many wonderful things to love in addition to those quirky flaws. It's all about embracing them and loving yourself.

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  • I think only if you constantly talk to them about it, otherwise I don't think it matters

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  • If the insecurities become obsessive that can make the person less than pleasant company.

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  • No. I strive to make them feel better.

    "Hey cute dick... " in response to his whishing for a bigger and longer size.

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  • It's what that person sees not what the other person should see

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  • I personally don't find it unattractive at all, especially if I find the person attractive. It would give me an excuse to be constantly telling them how hot I think they are.

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  • Yes it does.

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