How to deal with always being single?

I can't get a guy. I have been hurt a lot, guys pretending to like me and wasting my time. Eventually always running away from commitment when they were the ones who wanted it. I am objectively beautiful, kind, intelligent and easy going. I definitely have problems or I wouldn't have had such a failure of a love life. I have reached a point where I have given up on all my dreams of ever finding anyone since I have always failed and everyone around seems to have moved on and even settled down. Somehow, I'm always the one left behind so after trying to change myself, my approach, my mistakes etc... the outcome never changes. Clearly I'm not worth commitment for guys. I don't mess around, usually I'll take the first few or several dates easy and when things seem to be getting further... I tell the guys I'm only interested in investing time and energy in something that could lead to something more. Usually it ends up becoming messy and things end badly. I have the strangest stories and the most despressing ones among my friends. So I have given up on ever finding love and I know no guy will ever like me enough, i have therefore pulled myself out of the game since I no longer have the ability to go through it again. I am indian and meant to end up with an arranged marriage, which I am ready to settle for. Its not settling for less when its the only option you have. However, how do I find happiness and full acceptance in always being alone and lonely?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I've found that you will be happier in a relationship when you are already happy with yourself. Making the most of your time by filling it up with things that will keep you busy and constantly improving yourself. Guys want to be in a relationship, but you have to be open to the idea of dating a variety of guys. What you just described feels like you've been dating the same type of guy. Not certain what type it is, but obviously they are all acting similar, which means you have some things to work on, like how to pick them better. Also, you need to slowly break in guys or they spook. Don't talk about serious dating or relationships with them for at least 3 weeks, and even then, you should only say simply, "I've enjoyed dating you so far. I hope we can keep dating." Easy simple and clean.
    I suspect you're almost thirty which is probably making you feel panicked with the idea of being alone. And if you're Indian, I know that you're family is giving you hell for it. I had an Indian roommate and his mother called everyday (seriously everyday) and asked if he was dating anyone. More importantly, this is a lot of pressure on you. You are a wonderful person or so many guys wouldn't have gone out with you in the first place. And don't take it as a bad sign that they left. Every time I date a girl and it doesn't work out, I say, "Well at least I know." Because I would rather be single than in a relationship with the wrong person. You deserve to marry for love where you both love each other. Put all that arranged marriage, all that pressure, all that craziness and just embrace yourself. When you love yourself, then it's easier for others to love you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You can be happy on your own.

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What Guys Said 1

  • "how do I find happiness and full acceptance in always being alone and lonely?"

    You don't. You find happiness and full acceptance in living your life how you want, enjoying new experiences, and not focusing on negatives.

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    • I understand but I always wanted to find love, the security, safety and reliability a man can give to a woman. I always wanted to have a happy marriage out of it and to have children. I am now going to marry without ever having those happy moments I so often hear about. How do I accept that I'm a failure? I do enjoy new experiences and I appreciate everything good in my life but to be rejected for who I am is very difficult. I always had a firm belief that I would fall in love, all the confidence and patience. Now I'm broken, insecure, sad and pathetic. So I know it won't happen. I don't know how to completely switch it off, I just wish I knew how to numb that desire or the pain of knowing I'll never experience it..

What Girls Said 1

  • You should learn how to be happy with yourself first. No1 can "complete" you, or be something that you can't be happy without. Cos people aren't (some) things.

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