Why am I never pursued by the guys I actually want?

I always end up being attracted to guys who are on the shyer, more reserved side. This can be really hard because I've always been told I'm very intimating and I can be hard to read while also being very shy. How can I be more approachable to the shy guys I'm attracted to?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you are attracted to shy guys, then learn how to communicate with them. a lot of times, if you are too bold, they get scared, so maybe a softer approach is needed. If you would really want to get to know a guy, but he is very shy, then approach him as a friend and go slow. There are plenty of women's books and magazines that talk about how to approach shy guys. Now, sometimes shy guys have issues that make them a little harder to live with (sometimes), so I would say this - why is it you are attracted to shy guys? Is it because you like being a little in control? (I am not being critical, just asking). You will find men are like everything else in life - if you see something or someone you want, then you need to find a way of getting it. Whether a job or a man. the same holds true for men trying to date women. I have seen men that some women would never give a second glance to, but the men's persistence in being friendly, and letting her know that he is interested often paid off - even if the girl was dating someone else. All is fair in love and war, and if love and war are somewhat equal, you need to learn strategies.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Guys who are aggressive turn you off but it's srill awkward taking the initiative as a woman so it's really hard to get it right.

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What Guys Said 12

  • The truth is shy guys tend to lack social skills and are nervous in social situations. They are also terrible at reading social ques. I remember talking to this girl in high school, a and I thought she wasn't interested so I dropped it. I later heatd from a friend that she actually really liked me but I had no idea.

    A few things to start off. They myth that if a guy likes you he will pursue you non stop is just that a rumor. Second never play hard to get this will be taken as a rejection most of the time.

    Sometimes with shy guys if you want anything to happen you need to approach them. Nothing serious, just walk up to them and start a conversation. We are not mind readers the guys might not have any clue that you like them back.

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    • Really good feedback. I guess my situation right now is very confusing because I have feelings for a coworker and things are hot and cold. One day he'll see me and light up and well flirt. The next day we'll just habe awkward eye contact across the room all day without anyone initiating anything. Today I came into work because I had forgotten something and he didn't even acknowledge me.. Now, my back was turned to him and we never made eye contact but I can't understand how he could let me walk away without doing anything. its just hard that he looks at me the way he does and then is content not pursuing me.

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    • He probably does go for it!

  • All you really need to do us be available. Maybe say hi to a guy your interested in. Just break the ice, I'm shy as well and sometimes I can't say hello to someone until they say hi to me. Once you do that you just keep going and you will feel more comfortable with each other.

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    • It's hard though because things with the guy I like now are hot and cold.. We're coworkers so one day we'll flirt and the next day there'll be this awkward tension and we'll both just be looking at each other but no one will make the move.

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    • Being the first is hard but it does get easier. I know how you feel I have the same problem. But if you want to know where it can go you gotta step out a bit. Not all the way, just enough to bring him out as well.

    • Oooooh you hateful woman!!! Nah its OK.

  • You are shy and they are shy.
    One of you have to step up to the plate and make things happen.

    Easy ways to become approachable is to simply smile at the ones you want to approach. Or you do the approaching yourself.

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  • Shy guys often go for cute, shy type women. That's generally the kind of gal I typically go for. The ones who are more reserved, but really chill and easy going women. That's the kind I'm attracted to, as a shy guy.

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  • Just be sociable and friendly with them, try and get them to open to you.

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  • Oh shit, I have the perfect thing for this:
    http://www.succeedsocially.com/shyguys
    Just read the whole thing, as a somewhat reserved person myself, I can tell you that this DOES work.

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  • Stop waiting to be approached, and start approaching these guys yourself.

    Shy guys are often too shy to approach you, so you need to ask them out.

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  • Talk to them on a regular basis.

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  • Smile and acknowledge em.

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  • When you stop being selfish and self centered along with entitled.

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  • That's what you get when you are not asking guys out ;)

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  • HAH !!! EASY !!! Because they are shy :DDD

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What Girls Said 3

  • honestly i have this same issue. the truth is if you attracted to shy guys it is almost always going to have to be you making the first move, because that's just it they're shy.

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  • If you like shy and reserved guys, then you're gonna probs have to do the approaching lol

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  • Men can't read minds. You either approach them yourselves or smile, give eye contact and do some body language, but some guys will probably just think your being friendly.

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