Guys, why ignore a girl who wishes you the best in the end?

Long story short, we talked for two months and I think he just didn't realize that he was keeping me at an arm's length because he wasn't ready to date yet. I brought it up and he admitted that he really hadn't realized it and didn't know how much time he needed. He wanted to continue talking and liked what we had so far. Two weeks went by, so thinking we were good, I shot him a friendly message. He ignored me. Not willing to participate in this push/pull, I set a boundary after I gave him a few days to respond. I told him that I would not play this push/pull game and offered to work with him because we were a lot alike and I knew he was scared and a good-hearted person like me. I said I would like to see where it could go because there was something between us. I also said if he didn't respond, I would move on, make peace, and wish him the best. He didn't respond. No, "I wish you the best too." Just a complete invalidation of my feelings and caring about him. Why is it so hard for some people to politely part ways when you care about them? It's the silence on his part that hurts the worst. It's not even about the rejection. It's that he didn't even make the effort to say anything when what I said was very loving and kind.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sometimes we have expectations that are not real. Yea, it sucks when it is us the ones who received the silent answers - always annoying and sometimes hurtful, depending upon the deepness of our expectations.

    As you told the other guys here, your friend had not much talent in dealing with girls. The silence maybe is nothing more than an expression of this lack of talent, not meaning he didn't care about you or something. On the other hand, he might have panicked due to the "pressure" of having to stand a position about the possibility of a relationship with you.

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    • It wasn't even about a relationship. I just wanted to spend time in person and him stop hiding behind his phone. To him, even spending time together was "too much pressure." I think I was mad because had I known this is how he felt to begin with, I would have never let myself get as invested as I did. He made me think he was ready by bringing up dates and meeting parents... only to pull away and leave me a little hurt.

      I know that it is not a reflection of me - obviously I'm the more mature one in this scenario - and I don't think wanting to progress beyond a phone, friend's parties, and being openly communicative is expecting too much - and I just have to accept he's not who I was lead to believe and move on.

      I guess my heart just misses the guy that had almost become a best friend and wonders how he could just drop me and not miss me. :/

    • People have issues we not always know - only he could truly say what was in his mind / heart about this situation. Anyway, life goes on and we have no guarantees we will not be hurt again (we will). No regrets, hmmm? Better risking than doing nothing. *gives you a hug* :)

    • That's right, just another lesson. Thank you. *hugs*

What Guys Said 2

  • scrw your kindness, we want you pussy... .

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    • "Actually he's not that great with women and couldn't even ask me out, so I doubt that. Lol. His last girlfriend was someone his mom hooked him up with after being single for 4 years. And, she turned out to be a lesbian." omg! wow! don juan incarnated!

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    • yeah, i get you. good luck finding the guy that cares about you.

    • Thank you!

  • I bet he was actually seeing someone else.

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    • Actually he's not that great with women and couldn't even ask me out, so I doubt that. Lol. His last girlfriend was someone his mom hooked him up with after being single for 4 years. And, she turned out to be a lesbian.

    • That's... not normal. I think he was never as into you as you're into him or he's have texted back. Plus you laid it on the line, that's too real for most people and they don't know what to say.

    • Yeah, I agree. Our friends all said they could tell he really liked me. Even in our message, I admitted to being scared too because we've both been hurt a lot in the past. I guess, I've just learned that games and passive-aggressiveness isn't the way to go. Mature people lay it on the line. If he couldn't handle it, then he wasn't mature enough for me. A simple "I wish you the best too" would have been better than absolutely nothing. Maybe he didn't like being called out on pushing me away and being scared. I guess I'll never know.

      He told me in the beginning that there was plenty of time to push him away (should have ran then), that he was scared of dating another crazy woman, he's never been able to be 100% himself with a woman, and that he was afraid I'll leave if I saw his demons because we were in the "sweet stage" right now.

      He's got some heavy baggage. I wanted to stay and he still pushed me away. He's caught in a cycle of bad women and didn't know how to receive my caring.

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