How to show interest in a former lecturer (20 years older!) without looking like an idiot?

Where to begin?

I recently started working at the uni I used to go to 8 years ago. There was a lecturer there at the time who all the girls fancied but I was never interested in older men (still not really - I consider a man who is more than 3 years older than me as an older man normally) and didn't see the appeal and told my friend I thought he looked like a serial killer at the time tbh :-/

I remember him looking at me like he was attracted to me when I went past him once so that didn't help because it just made me think of him as a creep but I remember secretly thinking he was attractive because he had nice eyes and a nice accent but also because I could tell he thought I was attractive (always a winner for me).

Anyway just started working there and saw him from afar - and he kind of looks the same. I am 30 but still look about 25 (grown up ever so slightly mentally!) Don't think he would recognise me because he never taught me in tutorials. He hasn't seen me since to my knowledge.

I sent him a genuine email to ask him about another tutor - he offered to help find that tutor's email address for me. I sent him a response showing a little of interest but he hasn't responded. I wondered whether with older men it was worth being a bit more direct and flirty. I don't think he knows who emailed him - is it worth speaking to him if I see him in the corridor? Problem is he only taught me one module so there is not much to talk about.

How can I let him know I am interested in a friendship (not a proper relationship - can't get over age difference!) to test the waters without looking like I am creeping around him?

A bit worried he will think I am pursuing him when I am not - just want to speak to him and get to know him a bit.

I am sure he will be flattered but I am bit worried he will just think I am being friendly and weird.

Updates:
Just occurred to me he might be married (although I just can't imagine it for some reason)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It is very difficult for a woman to indicate interest in a friendship without indicating romantic interest, frankly. Are you really only interested in having him as a friend? To be honest your email as a whole doesn't convey that impression. :)

    I'd just be friendly to him, if you really only want him as a friend. Problem solved. :) You could mention that you remember having him as a teacher when you were a student.

    I think your impressions from when you were a student were probably accurate. He may not be a serial killer but he sounds a bit predatory.

    Be careful and good luck. :)

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    • I don't know if he just thought I looked good that day and in his shy way looked at me like that thinking I wasn't looking - just recall him staring after me when I walked past and smirking but can't remember if this was done in a creepy way or not - I did not appreciate an older man looking at me like that at all.

      Anyway you are probably right - I do find him quite attractive but don't want to admit it so I should just make it a little obvious - see what happens. If I talk to him face to face I will probably realise he is too old for me😲 and run a mile - problem solved 😊

      Anyway - would it look too keen if I knocked on his office door to say hi? Would he realise I was interested? by the way - i told him via email he taught me years ago - he responded once asking where I was working etc but didn't respond after I emailed him back. I like a challenge - that is what this is really about I think unfortunately 😕

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    • You talk a lot of sense.

      I don't want a relationship with him or anything. That would be too odd - just wanted to speak to him.

      It is only a temporary job and its the holidays so no students about. Been there a month only seen him twice - chances are won't see him again so the little crush will just blow over - even if I did go down the road a little bit there is always the option of doing a u-turn ☺

    • Yeah good point. :)

What Guys Said 1

  • wear a black mini skirt and pantyhose

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