Why do I suck at dating?

ok first of all I hardly ever date. but when if I do I suck at it.

i seriously hate going on dates. maybe its because of this whole unreal "trying to impress me" atmosphere. plus when I'm on a date it takes like 10 min till I start to think he's boring /annoying (even if I thought he's hot before).

am I too picky? what's wrong with me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • i think the first problem is that you THINK dating is a "whole unreal 'trying to impress me' atmosphere." I don't agree with that at all. sure, you want to impress the person, but don't we really strive to impress people we are really interested in? the first few dates (for me at least) is about getting to know the person, etc. I've never come back from a date thinking "they didn't impress me enough" and I've never gone on a date where someone who said they aren't interested in going out on a second date. don't put that much stock into the first date unless it's so bad. with that being said if date 2 or 3 isn't better it might be time to give up.

    really are you going to not go out with a guy again because he didn't "impress" you enough on date one? I mean, if they date SUCKED, I wouldn't go out again. also, maybe these guys are so enamored by you they just get nervous and don't know how to act...

    maybe you need to talk to the guys over the phone, over coffee, etc before you go out on a "date." this way you know what to expect.

    lastly, there is nothing wrong with being picky. I am 22 and I've only seriously "dated" 2 girls my entire life. never settle for second best.

    • Thanks for your input. and I'd never ever settle for second best ;)

What Guys Said 8

  • In some ways you're too picky and in some ways, you suck at it. And in some ways, you're good at it and blah blah blah blah blah.

    I'm an absolutely terrible dater and the reason why is that when you "date", you pretty much go in with the mindset of "Alright buddy, let's see what you can do, now impress me". The problem with having a tryout mindset is that you're not looking at other people like they're humans with their own intangible qualities that would make them a good partner, but sort of as if they're merchandise. You're pretty much just checking to see if they've got anything wrong with them rather than to see if how their general self complements your life.

    It's like if you were shopping for clothes and you looked at every shirt and said, "Nah, that cut's not right for me... that one is not quite soft enough... that one's design is too complex... that one makes my boobs look too small... that one makes my boobs look too big... ah this one is absolutely PERFECT, woah wait look at that price tag, there's no way I would even feel right wearing something that expensive..."

    That's kind of how you look at people when you are "dating". And I don't mean that's how YOU look at people when you're dating, I mean that's how everybody looks at people when they're "dating". People "date" when they decide there's something wrong with their life (too lonely, not enough adventure, too chaotic, too boring, not enough sex, people only want me for sex, etc). Then they look for someone else that's perfect to just fix whatever is wrong with their lives at the time.

    If you want to really "date" well, you gotta fix the problems in your own life first. And that doesn't mean the tangible problems, everybody's gonna have those problems. What that means is you just have to look at your life the right way. That means not having to look for someone you meet on a date to impress you, but just to find someone real enough for you to bond with, regardless of their tangible qualities (looks, money, status, etc). A lot of times that means finding someone like you who can understand you. Really, that takes time to happen and that means you gotta just take a chance on people and let them mess up, be awkward, be boring, be annoying, and figure out what's really underneath.

    Usually the only way to do that is not to date and just to try to be friends with the people around you heh. So I mean I'm a terrible dater and so are you but aren't we all. People aren't supposed to be good at being human merch for other people, they're only supposed to be good at being meaningful to those close to them and help them get through the tough times. That sort of stuff isn't supposed to happen fast.

    So I don't think you're too picky or there's anything wrong with you, but sometimes if you can't find anything good somewhere it just means you gotta look at it a different way sometimes.

  • lol you need a guy that doesn't put you on a pedestal and "impress" you all the time. Basically a guy that goes after what he wants and is himself. Then you will wonder why he isn't like every other guy and start liking him...we are few, but we are out there. ;-)

    • Yay I think id like that

  • cos you're assuming that because they're hot they must be interesting and have a good personality? lol

    try getting to know a bit more about them before the first date. you might find you're not interested before you even get to the date stage. rather than not finding out much and just dating on the basis they're hot.

    • Sounds interesting...thank!

  • Talk to them more before accepting a real date. Go on a mini-date when you're first approached by a guy... Because once you accept a date, you validate the potential of whatever we have displayed (or not) during the first encounter, and we may assume it's what you want in greater quantities.

  • I think you need to skip the typical dates and do the "hang out" thing instead. It's hard to find guys that won't try to impress you tho. It's how we're brought up to act when courting chicks. =/

    • The thing is I don't have many male friends...i used to have 2. but one told me he loved me so there's only one left really. and he's just a friend?

    • You still need to go out and meet new people. But just try to be more casual about going out really.

  • Talk more, plus try not and make dates so formal. Make it really relaxed and more like your just there to have fun. But the guy shouldn't really be trying to hard to impress you either.

    • Talk is the problem. they hardly ever say anything

    • Show All
    • Id love to! buti seem to pick the wong guys.

      nd seriously, do any guys actually like to talk alot? lol

    • Lol yea there have to be some guys that talk. That's what would make a date fun

  • I think dating is fun, if I'm not having fun I won't be dating that person for long and will just thank her for comming and go do something else even if its been only been a few minutes.I'm rather picky myself but the main thing for me while I'm dating is having fun

    Maybe its because your trying to go for the hot guys instaid of the funny/smart guys that your bored ^_-


What Girls Said 4

  • I think you may possibly have other hang ups that play out in your dating.

    If you have insecurities you are letting yourself get the best of you.

    If you have been hurt in the past, you are making up for it in your dating life. When someone has been hurt in the past by a male figure, they take it out on their dates subconciously. You may want to change it by dating because you realize that there are good men out there who won't hurt you. As soon as you start to realize a guy could be really great and you getting close to them freaks you out so you make up a reason to push the guy away.

    I think there are subconcious reasons for what is happening and you should examine it.

    • You could be right about that. I mean I've never been hurt before (never had a bf) but still, I'm always looking for a reason to push them away...

    • Show All
    • You can. You just gotta learn to put yourself out there and not start to make excuses fo why something isn't going to work. When you start to make excuses, stop and redirect yourself. It sounds simple but that's the type of things in behavior therapy. They expose people to the things that make them the most uncomfortable and do not allow them to perform their "rituals" your ritual is making excuses for why it won't work.

      So its all about going on dates and not allowing yourself to make excuses.

    • Wow thanks. you'd make a great therapist :)

  • i wouldn't call that picky honestly...for me ur nt jst trying do hc a boyfriend jst for the sake of having one...u want some1 for real...nt trying to show sth he's not or jst trying to impress u

    and hun there's nthn wrong with you trust me...maybe when you want to hc sm1 try to be friends with him and sont only think about "man he's hot/cute...wt ever" try to find sm1 who z nice

    then go out on a date...and even f you ddnt like him...jst hv a good-ass night then forget about him the next day

  • haha I have the same issues.. the whole atmosphere of dating sucks!

  • you might be going out with the wrong guys. get to know a guy a little more b4 you go out with him. just build more of a rapport with him so you know if you go out with him you will at least have a good time

    and maybe you should change your attitude. give every date with a new person a chance. if you already have the preconceived attitude that you hate it and its gonna suck, its gonna be a self fulfilling prophecy and it probably will suck.