Exclusive, but not dating & he wants me to move in?

I'm 20 and he's 28 w/three kids. His name is Jay. When we first met, we agreed to be just friends with benefits which was cool. After a while, he started liking me and admitted he didn't like me seeing/talking with other guys. His brother told me that Jay really likes me. Things started getting more serious. We hung out more and there wasn't any obligation for sex (he said that himself). He even wanted me to text him more. He's started calling me beautiful, introducing me to friends and family, kissing me on my cheek - all this for about 2 months now. I've met his kids & like them, I even look after them for Jay while he's at work a couple times per week. I've brought up a relationship a few times, but still nothing. But now, he wants me to move in... and I'm not even his girlfriend. I text him more, like he asked, but he doesn't text me anymore than he used to. Why would he want me to live with him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In bigger cities like New York, San Francisco, Los Angels, the rent is so expensive that when you really feel a connection with someone, moving in is not that far out of the question. I'm not saying you live in a big city, but this mentality seems to carry over with a lot of people. Now, keep in mind, you set up a very poor foundation with this guy, since you decided to start by having sex instead of ending on that note. So now, in his mind, why shouldn't you move in? It'll be easier since you like the kids, you guys can be together whenever you want, all the fun benefits. But benefits for who? I'm not saying he isn't a bad guy, honestly I don't know, but he can only see the benefits of you moving in. Where are you're benefits? Moving in with someone, that you aren't exclusive with is a terrible idea. And I wouldn't even consider moving in with someone you're dating until you've been seeing each other for a long time. 6 months because you have to be able to see them at their worst so you know what you're getting yourself into. You've been playing a fantasy in your mind that he's this awesome guy with great kids, but your instincts are kicking in making you ask yourself why this feels funny. I can't say what he's thinking. I can't say what you should do. But I highly suggest you take a good look at what you are about to step into. This is a serious commitment with the other person, who has not even once said anything about being more than FBs. The truth is, I had a roommate with this exact situation with his girlfriend. He had two kids and without them being in a 'relationship' she was practically moving in. It was only after they dated for a while that she realized (since I already knew) that he was into drugs and really bad sexual addictions. She had given up the lease to her apartment and when she was forced to leave because he was really sexually abusive, she had to move back to her parent's house. I'm not saying he's any of this, but this had all happened in the same time period you just described, two or three months. Just look at what feels right and if you really like this guy, talk to him about a serious relationship, that comes first. Then after dating a little longer, then you should commit to moving in because once you're in, it's not going to be an easy out because it's not just him, he has kids. Lots of responsibility and commitment. Hope that helps a little.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like he wants someone to look after his kids and put out sex without having to commit to a relationship. Tie him down or move along but don't put yourself in that in between.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Very simple. So he can have sex whenever he wants and a babysitter always available. Plus, someone to split the rent with...

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    • Yeah that sounds like it. I would tell him not unless he commits to you first.

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    • Nah dude, think about it. He's going to make her put a whole lot more into their 'relationship' but he will still refuse to put very little effort into it

    • @DaddyRollingStone I don't see what makes you so sure of that. She said nothing that can lead us to think that. He has a problem committing, but it's no surprise since the mother of the kids is not there anymore. Also, the fact that he keeps his kids make me think he might be the responsible type. Of course, we are not there so it's all speculations. I don't see how he could force her to do anything she doesn't agree to though. She could establish rules before she moves and leave if she's not happy.

  • Maybe he just wants to check out how everything would be if u guys lived together... Like he clearly likes you, a lot. He's changing his ways, I saw that from what u just typed. He clearly tested the water first, to see how much he likes you and whatnot. He has a son, so he just wants to see how the living arangements would be like that's all. Just relax and talk to him. Do you want a relationship? If yes, just talk to him and tell him how u feel and whatnot and have a grownup conversation.

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  • He's looking at you as a potential mother for his kids

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What Girls Said 3

  • Run girl!!!

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  • wow this guy scored big time. He is very lucky to have you.

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  • Wow, how strange for him to want to move in with you so despite not being in a relationship yet. Is he well off? Like, does he currently have his own place and stuff? Cause if he's struggling, that might be the reason.

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    • He's actually pretty stable, makes like $40/hr as a welder. Money is not much of an issue for him

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