Guys, how do I tell him without freaking him out?

So i know this guy through mutual friends. We've been hanging out recently and we decided to do the whole friend with benefits thing. We went into this only wanting sex from each other. But of course, one of us has developed real feelings for the other... And that would be me.
I'm head over heels for him. There's something different about our "relationship" though. We don't just contact each other for sex. He'll invite me to lunch or invite me over and cook me dinner. When i stay over his house for the night, which is often, he always cuddles me. Like tightly and real close to me regardless if we have sex or not he will always cuddle me. Even when we greet each other he hugs me or kisses me and he will always kiss me goodbye. He's introduced me to his friend's as well.

My questions are:
• are we dating?
• how do i tell him how i feel without scaring him away?
• when we are watching TV or a movie he will point out the hot girls on there. He also speaks about past sex experiences he's had when with mutual friends. Why?
• is it OK for me to ask him if he is talking or sleeping with anyone else?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd buy you lunch too if I was getting some play on the side. But onto the real questions:

    • Are we dating?
    -I wouldn't count on it man; or count on him adopting that label anyways. Whenever a guy can get some and not have to label it the circumstances are in his favor. Then he always has the option to chase after someone else without technically being in a relationship.

    • How do I tell him how I feel without scaring him away?
    -This one I really can't help with. My approach would be to get really drunk, get laid, then kind of work it in as pillow talk after. Then you can gauge his reaction. If he gets spooked you can always blame it on the alcohol. If he's into you and says so then bam you've got your answer. Not the most ethical approach but it gives you a bit of an "out" should you not get the answer you're fishing for.

    • When we are watching TV or a movie he will point out the hot girls on there. He also speaks about past sex experiences he's had when with mutual friends. Why?
    -Well technically you are just friends with benefits. I talk about my past conquests with friends. It's just a layer of comfort really; you're not my girlfriend so I can tell you whatever and it doesn't matter. There is no fear of upsetting you or damaging a relationship. Truth be told it's probably a play to gauge your reaction. See if you're cool with it or if you squalk at the idea of me looking at other girls.

    • Is it OK for me to ask him if he is talking or sleeping with anyone else?
    -Sure I would if I was sexually active with someone. STD's are not joke; they'll wreck your life.

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What Guys Said 7

  • Friends with benefits is what it is and it really isn't any of your business what he's doing with anyone else, just like it's none of his business what you are doing with anyone else. All that said though, the best thing you can do is tell him how that you are interested in being more than friends with benefits. Don't go into a lot of detail about how you are head over heels or that you thought there was something more in the relationship right now than just being friends with benefits. You've got nothing to lose. You will be miserable never knowing if there could be more and the only way to do it is to talk it over with him.

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  • What would you prefer?
    Keep things as they are and understand that it's the deal you made at the start or
    Tell him you developed feelings for him. It can go two ways
    1- He has the same feelings for you and you both live the whole disney princess euphoria.
    2- He puts an end to all this because the deal is broken.

    I think that it looks like you are dating but you can't talk about it without risking the relationship you have. It's your choice really. You could find a way to ease yourself in the subject. Start by asking what he thinks about hypothetical situations situations.

    In my opinion, the way he speaks to you about past relationship is only him trying to tell you who he was and who he is. Because he feels comfortable about telling you everything. You could tell him you don't like it. I am sure he'll understand.

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  • -shakes head- People really should realize by now that the whole friends with benefits thing almost always ends with one of the two people getting feelings for the other.

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  • Ur not dating.
    Tell him straight up. Just know the sex might stop.
    Point out hot guys as well while watching Netflix.
    I don't know why he talks about past sex hook ups. Throw some of ur own out there too. Or just tell him u don't wanna hear that shyt. Lol.
    It IS ok to ask if he's sleeping with anyone else. That's ur right. U gotta stay safe.
    Hope I helped.

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  • I agree with long john dan say that you are interested and see where it goes. The cuddling with or without sex makes me think there's maybe something he's too shy to say

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  • Of course he isn't dating; because he is using you...

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  • 1) I don't think this can be called dating because it has already been defined as "friends with benefits", 2) I wouldn't say anything and let him say something, if he starts focusing on other women, then leave, 3) he speaks about these other women because you are NOT in a relationship, 4) No, it's not ok to ask because you are NOT in a relationship and have already agreed that this is "friends with benefits."

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