Would you do it be honest?

I'm 19 and i consider myself a gentlemen guy. I got the personality of the 40 year old virgin guy to be exact. Minus the fact i'm not a virgin hahaha. I'm now dating a 19 girl old girl. She mentioned she just got off an abusive relationship. The thing is she's very cold. She doesn't treat me good. Sometines i feel like i'm too soft/pussy for this type of girl. If i tell her not to do something because it's a bad idea she still does it. Also she likes to make me feel bad. For instance let's say you was dating a guy and this guy will tell you in public infront of many strangers "yeah babe you need to get bigger boobs" or "you need to loose weight" all in public. She will pull off similar stuff like that in that type of level.

I'm not the type to beat up girls/screan at them etc... but i bet she only does this because i'm allowing her to step all over me. In other words she knows i won't beat her up or treat her bad which is why she does this. Should i be tougher/threaten her etc? afterall some girls like this type of men. My friends tell me all girls like a men to be a men and in her eyes i'm not being a men and this is why she acts like this. I already did the talking and it hadn't worked.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • She's used to someone abusive. Abusive relationships involve a lot of codependency. She's probably still healing

    She treats you so badly because it's a sort of revenge. She's taking her past out on you. It may not be intentional. Part of her probably feels unlovable so she feels the need to push you to your limit to see if you'll stick around.

    As much as you like her, it may be best to cut this one loose. She needs time to work through her issues and heal. It's next to impossible to do that while you're in a relationship with someone else.

    Breaking up with her could teach her a valuable lesson. She may not treat the next guy like that. She's clearly not respecting you, and when you try to communicate she shuts you down. Believe it or not but that is mental abuse. Get out before it gets worse. You're wasting your time right now.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Abuse comes in a variety of forms. Verbal, physical, sexual, mental, emotional, you pick a way to torture someone and humans find a way to exploit it. It's true that coming from an abusive relationship, she is reacting from the trauma that she's experienced. Coming out of that can scar someone for the rest of their lives. I'm going to be very straight with you, this sort of relationship is going to take a lot of patience, a lot of dedication, and a lot of disappointment. I understand you might like her, and knowing her history makes you possibly more drawn to her to treat her better. There is a phrase I learned a few years ago. “The dolls (girls) are hollow, you see. Completely hollow, in body and soul. The void connects them with death. But hallow things seek to fill their emptiness.” The same is true of people, when they are hallow, they take from others. Right now, she is taking from you. And I guarantee that you are certainly under a lot of pressure and strain because of it. You have two options, both are extremely difficult so consider each one carefully. The first is that you stay and work though these issues with her. She'll not only need a lot of support, but you need to continue to work with her and try your best to express you concerns for her to work though her issues from the past. Therapy for the both of you would be really good, but honestly, I'm not even sure she'd go for that. The other option is that you leave her. But this isn't for her, to teach her a lesson, or prove something. This is for you. Your sanity and your sound of mind. You said that you are a good guy and a gentleman. And you had to ask if you needed to become more aggressive to your girlfriend because you think that's what she wants. I want you to reread your words carefully. A gentleman doesn't bend his morals, or question is own code to please others, even for his loved ones. We are meant to be noble and protect the innocent. Right now, your morals are being warped and she doesn't care. I need to clarify that she isn't doing it on purpose, but she has been twisted, so now she will twist whatever she's getting her hands on. It's a terrible situation because you think it would be so easy for her to just see reason, to turn back. But it isn't happening. And it isn't your responsibility to fix anyone, especially if they aren't willing to work with you. I wish I could say more, but you have a lot to think about. Hope it ends well and good luck

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What Girls Said 5

  • She's doing it because she had been mistreated in the past and she doesn't want it to happen again she may act tough but inside she probably fears being hurt so she puts up a wall and acts dominant the fear is very real for women who have been abused and the best way not to get hurt is to be strong either that or she has been like that her whole life and her last boyfriend just got sick of it (still NO excuse to hit a woman)

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  • No, you shouldn't threaten her or anyone at all. You'll just seem like her last boyfriend who was abusive.
    You could at least stand up for yourself though, when you feel it isn't right anymore and be firm about it.

    Don't take the "you're so sensitive" BS she's telling you, I do understand her actions might be a form of defense mechanism to seem all tough so you wouldn't think about being like her last boyfriend, so if you still want to put up with her, see if you could break down that wall, then go for it.

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  • just leave her,

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  • Just tell ber straight up, I can't be with someone that disrespects me and takes my kindness for granted. If she continues to act like that after your warning than your better off without her.

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  • I would not do that.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Your asking should you become more aggressive with a girl, to spark a different reaction than the current one she's showing you, because you feel it's so your being a sensitive "nice guy". c'mon bruh, NO & NO again. If ever it gets to the point where you feel the need to act unlike yourself or ever resort to aggressive behavior towards anyone, especially a girl... make the right choice to walk away from something that's emotionally damaging you. Don't feed yourself excuses to stay if your at the point where you're even considering an option as such. I do think her personality is a reflection of what she's allows her boyfriend to do, and now she projects that onto others sadly. But again NO my boy. I wouldn't do it. And I'm just like you :)

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  • You gotta mean it if she still acts that way leave her

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