Dated 5 months. Why such bad timing when he broke up with me via text msg?

It seriously came out of nowhere. We were just randomly texting back and forth this morning like we usually do when he's working and then he sends me a series of 5 text messages telling me this:

Hey. I've been doing a lot of thinking about you and me lately. And I think you are a great girl. You are smart and pretty and funny and you have been great to me these past few months. I just don't feel I am ready to commit to a relationship right now and instead of forcing it and to avoid hurting you worse later and so I think we should take a break for a while cause I really don't want to hurt you any worse. I just don't feel us clicking anymore. I feel awful because its a week before xmas but I feel it would be worse to drag it on till after that and the trip so I'll just give you the $175 back and my parents are going to go instead so I can go away on my work trip. I know this is all of a sudden and I'm really sorry.

-The trip he's talking about was mini vacation we planned over a month ago and booked just last week. We had just bought supplies 2 days ago since the trip is next week. So I have a lot of returning to do. We haven't been fighting or anything. Nothing seemed any different between us. It's devastating and at the same time I don't want to speak or talk to him because it's hurting so much.


Most Helpful Girl

  • By the way, I can somewhat relate. My boyfriend is terrible at communicating his feelings, and I didn't know where my head at was for months. I've been dating him for 5 months -- just like you two. It still takes me time to deal with many of our early issues because of his bad communication skills. A few weeks ago, I emailed him asking him if he wanted to keep this going only until the end of January, whereupon he could decide whether he likes me as much as I like him. (I e-mail because he's usually suave and deflects issues when he speaks to me in person.) I ended up getting a prolonged e-mail that expressed that he wants something long-term with me, but takes things very slow. I know for a fact that his previous girlfriend left him because she didn't feel he liked her enough.

    Ultimately, some people really do need time to mull over things, and I'm glad I stuck with my boyfriend (I certainly had enough reasons not to, at points). However, he never asked for a break.

    Now that I think about it, I might actually offer you slightly different advice. If he didn't give you any indication of his lack of surety before, you might WANT to talk to him about why he's being so ballistic... pick his brain, at least. But to me, taking a "break" is as good as "breaking up". :/

    • Well, I'll tell you this: From the moment we started dating, he said he wasn't used to the amount of attention and being actually cared for by anyone ever, past girlfriends, family, by me. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. Being someone who's been dumped plenty of times, I didn't see this coming at all. But who knows.

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    • Hmmm. What worries me is that he went along and did that to you, despite wanting to be together... and that he also said that he's not "used to being cared for so much." He sounds like he's going through personal problems and has a lot of baggage. If you're willing to deal with his fears and shortcomings, then continue... but be cautious from now on, I guess! :/ Is the trip a go-ahead, or no?

    • Yes. The trip is still on. And I asked him a billion times if he's just wants to go with me just so he doesn't waste $400 and he said no. I also said if he dumps me after the trip that he's a dead man. But he seems pretty much back to normal, except he's showing a lot more affection towards me...although he was very affectionate before, he's even more now.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Do not talk to him. He will realize he is making a big mistake. just act like you are unaffected by the break up. If you are somewhere where he sees you, act happy and such. and if he texts you play hard to get. take a while to respond and be short. He will miss you don't worry about this. he will come back

    • He did come back. Only after 3 days!

  • He obviously found someone else.


What Girls Said 5

  • I wouldn't speak/talk to him right now. He took a very wrong path, to plan a trip with you and everything... and then dump this on you... on TEXT MESSAGE no less! If he was feeling unsure before, he shouldn't have gone so far with courting you. Let him take his "break" indefinitely. It might be passive aggressive, but personally, I wouldn't reply to his pathetic text. He should've given you a clear idea of the progression of his feelings right from the get-go. It sounds like he's terrible at communicating. That doesn't seem like someone you should devote your time and energy to. I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you hun!

    • Thank you. I haven't responded to him at all, a few hours later after thinking over things and getting over the initial shock of it, I just replied "just mail me a check" regarding the money I put into the trip. I have an inkling that he'll contact me again soon but then again I thought that about my last boyfriend and that never happened. :/ that being said, as of right now, I don't want to take him back.

    • He has no class. be glad it's over now than later, so you can meet a better guy sooner :)

  • I don't understand men. Let me not hurt you worse by dumping you now. Do they not realize how it doesn't make any sense when they break up with someone and everything was fine? Has he been really busy at work? Do you guys spend a lot of time together? Something doesn't seem right here and I'll give you my gut feeling. I don't buy that his parents are going on this trip. I think he's going and taking someone else with him. If the guy had any class he would have waited until "after" the holiday and the trip..but he can't be around for the holiday or the trip because it's going to be spent with someone else. It's either that or he's just a really huge jerk who has a job and is too cheap to buy you a gift and could care less about the time and effort you put into a trip. I'd tell him to return the crap and he can send you a check for wasting your time and for the expense of the trip. If the guy didn't feel you clicking, the trip would be the perfect place to get the spark back. I don't trust his motive. I hate to be so blunt, but he is trying to come off sounding sincere when he probably isn't. I think your response was good, tell him to enjoy his trip because you've decided to go on one of your own lol.

    • "If the guy didn't feel you clicking, the trip would be the perfect place to get the spark back." That's a really good point.

    • You did make a real good point with the trip bringing the spark back. But no, no one else is going, because now he has no clue what to do with the hotel room as his parents can't go. And we're having a talk, tonight, about things as he wants to give me my money back in person and I finally agreed to talk to him. I'm gonna lay it down and tell him what he has done wrong and hear him out and most likely let him know we are through if there is nothing else to save.

    • Well I'm glad you are handling this well. Happy that it wasn't the other girl scenario. He could be smart and bring you to the hotel room! lol. Hopefully everything works out for the best. Goodluck later.

  • Wow, that's incredibly low. Consider yourself lucky you're not stuck with this guy. Imagine if things had gotten really serious, or you were planning on marrying the guy. I hate it when people compliment you on your character as they're breaking up with you. It deflects from what they're doing to you. Don't let him feel okay about it!

    Take time to heal, but realize that it could've been much worse. Cut off communication with this loser. No worries, I'm a full believer in Karma. One day he'll learn his lesson.

  • It does hurt but you have to respect his honesty and sincerity with you. He is right, better now then to wait and hurt you more. It will be painfull for you for a while, but surround yourself with good friends and you will be fine...

  • f*** him. he's a jerk he can't even break up with you face to face. don't even speak to him or talk to him or do anything. you sound like a good girl and he will realize that he screwed up but never give him another chance because he don't deserve it. don't reply to any of his texts, just act like you could care less about him