Girls and men please help a dude?

I'm 21 and i'm a gentlemen. I got the personality of the 40 year old virgin guy but minus the fact i'm no virgin haha. I'm dating a 19 girl old girl. She mentioned she just got off an abusive relationship (this was a red flag). The thing is she's very cold. She doesn't treat me good. Sometines she makes me NOT feel like a men. I feel like i'm too soft/pussy for this girl. If i tell her not to do something because it's a bad idea she still does it. Also she likes to make me feel bad. For instance let's say you was dating a guy and this guy will tell you in public infront of many strangers "yeah babe you need to get bigger boobs" or "you need to loose weight" all in public. She will pull off similar stuff like that in that type of level. She's even said "You think your tough, but your not". She also claims she's a "virgin" so we haven't even slept and it's been 8 months of dating. All my friends told me she's using me until something better comes along or a "bad boy" comes along. They told me when this bad boy does show up he's going to beat her up and show her who's boss and she will instantly fall in love with that guy because she's already used to them type of men.

I'm no type to beat up girls/scream at em or a puzzy "bad boy". She knows i won't beat her up or treat her bad which is why she does this. Should i be tougher/threaten her oe just dump her? Some girls like this type of men. I already tried the talking to her nicely and she goes "your so sensitive".


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Most Helpful Girl

  • She is obviously insecure and treats you like shit to make herself seem better, ditch her you sound like you deserve waaayyyy better and if she isn't making you happy, what is even there to stay for. You are basically with a bully and just because she is girl gives her no right to treat you like that.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This doesn't sound good. I won't say dump her, because I don't like doing that with the little information I have. But it doesn't sound good. Too many red flags.

    This is something maybe she needs more time to work out. Or maybe it's something deeply engrained and she'll never work it out. Either way I give some strong advice on these kind of things. You should never ever have a relationship that's conditional on them changing. Either you accept them the way they are, or you don't. You have to be honest with yourself. Expecting them to change is a huge mistake. Thinking that the relationship would be good "only if" they change is an even bigger mistake.

    Having said that, you can't be who you aren't either. Treat her the way YOU would treat her, not how you imagine some bad boy treats her. If she's walking all over you and intentionally putting you down, you have to stand up to her. Same with anyone else you meet in your life. However you can't demand that she changes. All you can do is make it very clear that it's not acceptable. If she continues doing it, you have to consider if it's a deal breaker. If it's something you can't accept, then you have to walk. Do NOT expect her to change though.

    Even if she shows signs or desire to change, it doesn't count until / if she actually does. That stuff can drag on for decades.

    By the way. You should listen to your friends. They know the situation better than we do. It doesn't mean they are right, but you should listen.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Break up with her. You need something better.

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  • I vote break up with her. She sounds horrible. Her past shouldn't be used as an excuse to treat YOU, an innocent person, horribly.

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  • dump her dude

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What Guys Said 2

  • You should break up with her. Your obviousley miserable with her why would you think staying with her would some how change that? She might have been in an abusive relationship, but the question is why was it abusive? She is treating you like crap, chances are she did that to the last guy and he started responding in kind. Get out while you can she won't change and you'll only grow increasingly more miserable if you stay (I've seen it happen before).

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  • Nobody should waste their time in a relationship that makes them unhappy. At your age the most important thing to remember about dating is that it should be fun and should never make you feel like you aren't a man. If you truly care for this girl you should tell her how you feel, openness and honesty are crucial elements to a successful relationship (and life for that matter). Sounds like she is verbally abusive, there is no place for that in a modern civilized society like the one we live in and reciprocating this is so far from the correct response that you need to get it out of your head immediately. If she can't respect the way you feel, you've got to move on so you can find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

    We're rooting for you, dude!

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