Why do people so often stay in unfulfilling relationships?

I've been dating a guy for a couple of months, waiting for things to see if things will develop. We've both met each other's friends and go out on dates 2-3 times a week. I enjoy spending time with him when I am with him but after I go several days without seeing him I'm not that excited about seeing him again until I do.

I'm wondering if I should give it another month or if I shod call it quits now. If I give it another month I know I'll have grown a deeper attachment to him making it harder to leave even though my needs may not be getting met.

Is is there an adjustment period at the beginning of most relationships where you are figuring out what the other needs?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think they fear that they won't find another person who'll be dating them to that level.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • They couldn't find another place to settle in and leave the guy or girl

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What Guys Said 4

  • So what you are saying is that you don't feel really attached to him, so you want to leave him now before you feel attachment? Is it possible you are seeking more from a relationship than what a relationship can realistically provide?

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    • That's certainly my fear but I don't know if it is grounded in reality. He stayed over the other night knowing we couldn't have sex bc I was on my period and having a bad day. If I give nonsexual affection I get it back, if I ask for his time I get it... maybe I'm the problem.

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    • Can you please try to imagine I was not having a stroke when I wrote the last one? I don't know what happened to my English lol ! I am on my tablet and typing with one hand, not easy...

    • Thanks for responding. I'm not holding out for anyone else, he is the one I want, we got so well together. I mean of you put emotions aside about things that may not be grounded in reality- we are so good together. He could communicate more but he knows that and I could be better at directing that. If I take the lead he follows on that kind of thing and I don't think he is ever lying or omitting.

      I guess like you say he senses my uneasiness and responds accordingly without crowding me. I usually don't trust myself with anyone even if I want to so letting him in as much as I have makes me appreciate him but I don't voice it but should. He calms me when I'm around him but I freak out when I think I like him more than he likes me.

  • They stay in horrible relationships because people fear to break up and are usually co-dependent on the other person..

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  • Sometimes people find an unfulfilling relationship better than no relationship

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  • 1. Most relationships are people accepting and learning to love good enough simply because perfect is improbable. This inevitably leaves a feeling of unfufillment
    2. Time does change people and being around a person will influence both you and them. People become friends overtime because if done well they learn about their similarities while also creating more which makes them more likable
    3. However because of our hopes and fantasies we end up bypassing good or even amazing for a chance at perfect. Sometimes only to find out our idea of perfect is unobtainable or nonexistent.
    4. The trick is to stop focusing on what's missing and stop focusing on what could be and instead focusing on what is. Do you smile when around him? Do you cry or feel fear? Don't focus on your lack of excitement or lack of passion. Mostly because often times how we feel or what we perceive isn't what's actually happening. Our brain is like a filter on a camera. Sometimes the filter makes them overly beautiful and sometimes it makes them look like total crap. Positive lens make positive pictures.

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What Girls Said 7

  • A lot of people would prefer to be in a mediocre relationship than be alone. Personally, I've always preferred being single to being in a relationship that isn't doing it for me.

    As for your situation, honestly if it's been two months and you're still not feeling any chemistry, it's probably not going to happen.

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  • For me, it was an act of desperation. Everything else in my life was going wrong and in some odd way, the unfulfilling relationship kept me afloat.

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  • The beginning of a relationship should be all fun and excitement. If you're having to force it now, that isn't a good sign.

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  • They dont want to be alone.

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  • Sometimes people hope in time it'll get better , or it's a case of ' better the devil you know than the devil you don't'

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  • You need to figure out if you two have chemistry. I don't just mean sexual chemistry, but do you ever say something to him and he laughs and you laugh and you look into each other's eyes and you get THAT feeling?

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  • people get comfortable and learn to settle.

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