I'm 24 years old. I'm single. I've had relationships in the past and I've dated around a lot. I've been in love once, it was betweent the ages of 20-22, it didn't work out; I definitely feel that it left its scars and taught me a lot of lessons but I can say that I'm completely over it and it's not holding me back and I have no hate or vengence towards the person either, I talk to him here and there and we are on good terms but we're not close and I'm okay with that. But for the past almost 2 years my mentality has completely changed, I don't know if it's a phase or if it might be a result of you know going through a pretty tough breakup, even though I am over it maybe the damage was too deep, I don't know exaclty why I'm like this but I'll try and explain it and hopefully someone can tell me I'm not completey crazy.
The way I see relationships/marriage/committment is pointless. I always think why would a guy even want a girlfriend, in my head no man is loyal, no man is romantic and no man really wants to commit. I also think to myself, why would I want to be with ONE guy when I can just be single and text/talk/hang out with a lot of guys and not belong to someone? But then I'm not the type of sleep around at all, I'm not the type to hook up, it goes against my morals and my culture so that kind of sucks for me... because when I'm single I'm pretty much not having "fun" lol but that's not really my main issue. I'm worried about the way that I think about relationships and how I'm a little playful about it, all I enjoy is getting texts from guys and not being serious but I'm 24 and everyone around me is getting engaged or married or in serious relationships and I sometimes panic that this mentality will lead me to being single for a pretty long time and then I'll be 35 one day and still alone.
But the thought of having a boyfriend makes me sick to my stomach, the thought of having to put up with someone gives me stress and anxiety. I don't know whats
Most Helpful Guy
Sounds like he hurt you more than you let on. I actually felt the same way about women, just like all men in my position, when I found out my ex of four years who I was going to marry was cheating on me. All women lie, all women manipulate men, no woman actually feels love, etc. Everyone goes through a phase like this when hurt, sometimes it comes back when we are feeling especially stressed out or lonely.
You mentioned a lot about culture, but lets not forget what the effect of the current culture. The glorification of "hookup culture" friends with benefits etc. Simply put the amount of "fun" you have is way overrated. It is popularized by emotionally stunted individuals, and the bar/nightclub industry to get people to come into their establishments and spend more money.
The truth is there are many men who want a loving relationship with one woman, like myself, that are loyal and want to commit. Plenty of men are not the type to sleep around, because honestly, it isn't fun. People say its for "sex" but the truth is you don't have sex as often as when you are in a relationship, and the sex isn't as good. So if they really just want sex why would they trade less frequency and quality?
As for your panic that this mentality will lead you to being 35 and alone, I'm not going to lie it is definitely possible. What you are experiencing is NATURAL, but you need to work through it with close family and friends, and be able to move on.
Not only will your outlook on life and relationships change you will be able to find a healthy relationship. When you get down try and talk to some of your happily married friends, that usually helps renew your faith in relationships.
I know this is long, but I have a lot I felt needed to be said. Also, I mentioned I think that your ex hurt you more than you let on. Perhaps if you talk about it you will feel better. What exactly happened between you two?0
Most Helpful Girl
Hmmm this sounds really familiar. have u been reading my journal or something?😏
I've had days where I told myself that Im totally giving up on guys & conclude that Im gonna be single because it's less stressful. Also, I told myself its hard to trust guys again after trusting them & being let down in the past. But my thoughts are slowly changing...
I think the scars that u got from those broken relationship has left u broken. It's not that u dont want a boyfriend. You want to meet a decent guy. You want to enjoy dating him & you want to have happy, lasting relationship. But you're scared. I think you need to take baby steps. Even if it starts with taking a break from dating for as long as u want. When u do decide to date again, be realistic. Tell yourself that this may or may not work. Dont invest too much too soon.
This is too long so Im gonna wrap it up lol. Dont give up on love. Speak it into existence that you will meet the right guy @ the right time & the love will stand the test
of time. You deserve it so much. You shouldn't have to eliminate love, marriage, kids from your future because it didn't work out with those guys. It didn't work out with them bevause they were not the one. God have someone much better in store for you.0